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Becoming Increasingly Angry At Nagging Wife, But She Avoids Counseling
January 5, 2014
11:39 pm
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NorskerSword
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January 5, 2014
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I believe that communication is the most important thing about a relationship, but how do I improve/fix a relationship when my wife gives me a cold shoulder or downplays it when I want to talk? I tried to seek counseling, even found a way to pay for it, but I couldn't get her to attend. She obviously knows that something in her has to change, but I think she is afraid of change or looking at herself.

My gripe is this: She is constantly nagging me and putting me down. I could understand this happening to some guys that might deserve it sometimes, but she judges and critizises me in ways that don't make sense. She will tell me I'm lazy and need to find work, after I've just gotten off of work! I am also a full-time college student, which she also doesn't seem to understand. She is always calling me lazy and "like a kid". She will tell me I don't do anything around the house as I'm doing laundry or something (she never has to tell me). She always tells me all I do is play video games and watch movies, while I have little time to do either. Whenever she is home, I focus all of my attention on her and invite her to go out with me. I think she might be doing this for attention, but how could she still need more?!

She is also miserable with her work life, to which she feels trapped by. This might be a case of "misery loves company." She is sending money to support her aging parents in another country, and so works two jobs and doesn't sleep enough. I am actually disabled and am limited to how much I can work, which can all change if I can just finish school (making me a skilled worker). She has 12 brothers and sisters! Simple math would solve her problem to support her parents, but she insists that it has to all be on her, which causes her stress. Maybe she doesn't trust her siblings, but she has to make major changes if she ever wants to have a life of her own. Her parents' medication bills are always rising...It is inevitable that the status queue will have to change soon.

She is also baby-crazy. Her bio clock is starting to tick at 34, but I don't want to have a kid with parents who are never home. We do not have available babysitters on hand. My loser parents were never an option. She doesn't think realistically on this, but if we were ever able to make a living I would want to have kids then. I realize she may be angry about my decision.

So how do I talk to her? I am feeling myself becoming more and more angry when she talks down to me. Increasingly sensitive. I have had a life-time of being bullied; by parents, classmates, coworkers, and a past relationship, and I won't stand for my wife to be a bully, too. It really makes me hate people in general. How can I learn to love myself when nobody else thinks I'm worthy of love? She doesn't understand she is killing our relationship. I realize, though, that for someone to change, they have to make the decision to change. But do I just wait for my love for her to sizzle out?? I am considering just disappearing for a week just to test her reaction. Speaking and listening are both important, but she doesn't know how to listen.

I believe that there are few things more selfish than taking your problems out on others.

January 7, 2014
4:39 pm
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Quit wasting your time on someone you don't want and start spending your time seeking out a woman who is exactly what you want.

February 17, 2014
8:52 pm
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ShiningLight
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It might be best to seek out help from a relationship/marriage expert alone first so you can gather advises on what to do about your current situation and how to deal with your wife. Or you can directly approach the friends and family of your wife who were close to her before you got married so you can ask their help as well.

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