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A great boyfriend turns uncomprehensible when in a fight (need perspectives)
April 1, 2015
8:32 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
April 1, 2015
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I feel like explaining the fight we just had is going to sound very ridiculous…

I have a beautiful, wonderful, caring boyfriend who I know loves me so much. We've been dating for 1.5 years, and it's been the best thing to ever happen to me. However, when we fight, he seems to become irrational in my eyes. Especially when I tell him that something he's done or said was hurtful, instead of being concerned for how I'm feeling, he defends himself in the strangest ways possible. But it's becoming a pattern; He doesn't decipher what's happened but instead tries to make me feel ridiculous for feeling a certain way at all, and he'll then take my reaction to say that I'm being "mean" or "hurtful" to him. I feel this is a classic case of a defensive ego, but I'm in so deep I need to make sure it's not me.

Anyways, here's the latest fight, but first a little background. I tend to procrastinate when it comes to studying, and watch a lot of sitcom shows. He knows that I put off assignments to the last minute. i have an assignment due on Monday and he knows I should be studying. He knows that it requires a lot of reading and writing based on articles and academic journals. He also knows that I've been hooked on Parks & Rec and watch it whenever I have down time.

This is our conversation today:

Me:    omg I just laughed my ass off to parks and recreation
    [Video clip of show]
Him:    Omg! So cool that they make u watch comedy for Ur assignments!

Me:    your girlfriend    ……
    I just got home and was eating.

(Time passes and I call him to chat. I tell him how I felt about the sarcastic comment and he continues to say the same comment over and over, so I said bye and hung up.)

Him:    That was quite mean

Me:    i called to chat with you and the first thing you say is “taking a break from parks and rec?”. i told you i didn’t appreciate your comment earlier and even had to again defend myself and let you know that i had just gotten home. i know you didn’t mean to offend me but regardless, your comment came off judgemental and rude and it hurt my feelings. and when i told you how i felt you continued to be sarcastic and showed no care for how i was feeling. i told you 3 times how i felt, and you responded with the same sarcasm 3 times. bear in mind that this never was a battle against the ego. i was simply telling you that a comment was hurtful. now you’re calling me mean because i’m upset. i won’t put up with this again. if you want to stay behind your comment and think my feelings are ridiculous, i have nothing more to say. if you want to ignore how i might feel because you think there’s nothing wrong with your comment or how you’ve spoken to me, then there’s no use in me trying to reason with you. if you want to distract to  a new issue on how i hung up the phone to put me in the wrong, i can’t help you there either.

Him:    There was no sarcasm in me. I'm sorry babe. I'm sorry U feel that way about me but I'm confused. I'm simply commending U on ur hard work and U are giving me really strange attitudes
I would ask u to explain but that would seem to make u more upset so Im going to let this go
Happy studying

Me:    so saying my course work is watching tv isn't sarcastic

Him:    Why would it be
    U've had to watch things in the past

(Things as in educational documentaries)

Me:    you saying to me "Omg! So cool that they make u watch comedy for Ur assignments!" is something you actually believe
    is this your defense
    instead of acknowledging how I feel
    are you serious right now.
    you're going to say that this wasn't sarcastic just to ignore that it was a hurtful comment.

Him:    Yes

Me:    unbelievable. just when I thought it couldn't get any more hurtful… instead of acknowledging my feelings you instead decide to make your story that you truly believe my course is making me watch comedy. you're going to stand behind this —> "Omg! So cool that they make u watch comedy for Ur assignments!" as NOT sarcastic and an actual true reaction.

Him:    I am serious!
    Why are u doubting me??

Me:    explain why then

Him:    Are u saying u weren't watching that show for skool??
    What do u mean explain why??
    Why are u so cynical about me??
    U know what. Forget it.

Me:    you want to swear on our entire love and our relationship and the stability of it that this comment "Omg! So cool that they make u watch comedy for Ur assignments!" was 100% true.

Him:    Yes!!!!!!

Me:    in this entire time I've been in school for race and french classes tand talking about my work, what made you think that watching parks and Recreation was part of my assignment

Him:    I gave u the benefit of the doubt that u were hard at work watching Ur stupid shows and now i friggen get this.
    I have no idea babe. Your school is stupid. *** use to get graded for playing sports
    I don't know what other weird stuff goes on at your school
    But to each their own. U study about human interactions.
    there's tons of that on TV

Me:    wouldn’t you ask, are you watching this for school? or when you knew I was watching it during the break, why didn't you ask me then
    this is ridiculous

Him:    I’m gonna stop justifying myself and why I gave u the benefit of the doubt that U were doing work
    I figured if u weren't U'd tell me
    I guess I know now

(I then called him because this seemed ridiculous to me that he stood by his comment as real and tried to make me out to sound ridiculous for thinking it was sarcastic at all. It ended with him getting angry that I was being more hurtful than he was and he hung up on me. WTF.)I am SO sorry to be the idiot that posts something like this, but I can't turn to friends right now. I'm so confused... I feel like an idiot. I feel like he'll do anything to never admit anything negative.
My question is, if he truly thought watching this show was part of my assignment (which he knows the details about), why wouldn't he say something like, "is this show required for your assignment?" the initial comment that he made was out of the blue, and to me very sarcastic and condescending. It was not a comment of curiosity.

I hope someone can give me a fresh take on the overall picture of this ridiculous, but very common type of fight.

April 26, 2015
2:37 pm
Forum Posts: 65
Member Since:
March 10, 2015
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