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June 5, 2011
10:36 am

Hello.  First time ever on a forum - but I'm desperate.  I am a severe codependent.  Very, very dysfunctional family (mom - Stage IV breast cancer, bi-polar, manic-depressive, severe mental illness)(two brothers - one who has always lived with my mom, indegent, drug addict to meth and crack)(other brother - addicted to alcohol, sleeping pills, anxiety meds and ampehtamine pills). I do not drink or smoke or take street drugs or pills.  My addiction is codependency.  My 23 year old son is currently staying at my residence.  He has been living with a girl since last August and their relationship has ended and I have let him come to my home to stay with me.  He works at a restaurant where liquor is served and since he has been staying with me for the past 3 weeks - I realize he is a severe alcoholic.  He has taken what little life I had before he came -  away, and the rest of the life I have -- I have allowed to be taken from me by my mother and brothers.  We all live within a few miles of each other and its constant drama.  I want to stand up for myself and tell everyone I WANT A LIFE.  I am 55, single, can't even begin to consider a relationship with anyone (when would I have time and how would they react to my family??)  I now know that I have an addiction...I want help....but as I say this, I am also thinking of excuses of why I don't have time to get the help - even though I know I can't break this addiction alone.  My mind is only confused.  I know in my heart, the obvious answer for the problem with my son is to kick him out.  I don't know how.  He has no where to go.  He has lost his transporation to due an accident, he has no money and I feel like I'm supposed to help him because he's my son...and he tells me all the time he knows lots of people his age who live with their parents......give me a break.  I'm only making excuses for him.  I'm doing better with the codependency on my mom and brothers just by forcing myself not to answer my cell phone when they call...but they always seem to get in touch with me one way or another.  Where do I start?  Al-anon...counseling?  I'm currently unemployed and can't pay for counseling - but feel like I have so much I need to vent...but who the heck wants to listen to this???  I would appreciate any advice or comments to help me get started on my recov ery.  Thank you so much for reading and God Bless....

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