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Please help! My wife and Drugs
February 13, 2014
2:16 pm
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davidd0102
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I need help understanding if the way I am feeling is normal. I am 37 years old and my wife is 41. We have been married for about a month but we have been together for almost 2 years. We live together and have my 2 daughters who live with us most of the time. Our relationship is wonderful and we both are amazed at how compatible we feel we are for eachother.

We are truly convinced that we are meant for eachother. There is one problem that has caused major issues between us. A few months into our relationship, I found out that she was doing pills recreationally. I want to say that I honestly dont have an issue with the pills, I know it probably isnt right but popping a pill now and then seems harmless if it is a vicodin or something similar but not oxycontin or any of the strong pills. With that being said, I dont have a problem with it if it is a "take it or leave it" circumstance. If it becomes a problem and starts to effect finances or responsibilities, I am totally opposed. Of course there is the legal issue with it and I dont believe in breaking the law but I compare it to alcohol....Alcohol is legal and is a drug of sorts but it is acceptable to consume alcohol regardless of its effects. However, when something legal and accepted (alcohol) is abused, it can cause huge problems and destroy relationships and lives in general.

I felt I needed to explain my opinion on pills because "pills" arent necessarily the problem I have.

The reason I originally asked her about pills is because I found that she was snorting them. To me this is a new "level". I was lied to about them, and I dont just mean lied to, I mean "I swear on lives and everything", those type of lies.....even though I knew 100% sure she was snorting them. After a few days, the truth came out and she promised me the problem would be fixed and she would never lie to me again.

Some time later, I found pills again and asked her if she was doing them again. I found cut straws, pill crumbs and pills themselves. This became a huge issue again and this time her friend, who she was getting them for her. The problem with her friend was that I confided in her and she assured me that she cared about us both and our relationship and would never do anything (provide pills) to interfere with our happiness. This ended up a total lie and I decided I could never forgive her and did not want her part of my life ever again.

That whole incident was the start to a whole new battle for me again. More lies, more pills, pill crumbs, straws etc... We finally got past it again and there were new promises (the same ones again) made and an understanding that there would be some trust issues that we would work through.

There was one incident where she left in the middle of the night and I ended up finding her at a crack house where she had her phone stolen and spent the rest of the night there. Once again, it is my love for her that made me forgive her. 

This same scenario happened several more times (at least 5) with new friends, who had availability to the pills and the willingness to give/sell them to her all while knowing the problems they cause for us. There were several times I sat by her side helping her through the withdrawals and emotional stress caused by the detox.

This is very condensed but brings us to the current. I had been suspecting the issue was arising again so I asked. She denied. That was 2 days ago.

Yesterday, I was leaving for work and needed to get the car keys out of her purse. Something (the suspicion) made me take a look in her purse and I found an oxycontin (which, again,  I think is more than recreational) hidden in her makeup bag hidden inside of a makeup powder container. I took the pill and flushed down the toilet. I confronted her about the pill later that day and she started out lying but quickly knew I found it. She became very angry that I went through her purse and also very angry that I flushed it. She told me that that was the only one and there wasnt a problem, it was just one pill.

Her problem with me is that I dont trust her, which I feel is very justified, and I look through her purse. My defense is that I have reason and if there was nothing to hide, why would she care. I asked her to take a drug test, she refused because it makes her feel like a criminal.

I feel so betrayed and hurt that she could do this to me again.

I have absolutely no problem with her having full access to any part of my life, phone, email, personal belongings, friends etc... but I respect that some people need a little privacy and I respect that in general. However, once trust has been broken so many times, I feel like I have to protect myself from being lied to once again.

Almost every time I look in her phone or purse or closet, I find something. This tells me that she isnt correcting the problem for the sake of our relationship but only hiding it better and better each time. I explained to her, if I look several times and I never find anything questionable, eventually I will see that things are as they are promised and that trust will begin to grow again.

Im always made to feel like it is my fault for being angry and asking that she doesnt lie to me and hide this problem from me. She is also very angry that I wont accept her friend who she got pills from many times. She thinks I am blowing things out of proportion and making the problem worse than it has to be. Sorry for such a long post but my question is, am I out of line, what have I done wrong?Should I accept and trust her friend again? Is she justified in thinking I shouldnt worry about it? If I am wrong, I can accept that and I will fix the problem. However, no matter what, I dont think I am the only one who has a problem that needs addressed.

Please dont hold back, I want to hear honest opinions from real people. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply. Confused

February 13, 2014
6:22 pm
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dop
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I think your actions are appropriate considering the lying

and denial involved. Her addictive behavior will probably require intervention with

an addiction specialist. This is probably too much for you to fix. It’s

probably a good time to also seek some relationship counseling. She throws

blame at you because you keep exposing her. You may want to approach this by

offering her your supporting help to conquer her addition. Tell her you’ll be

there for her when she seeks help. You may want to tell her that you need some guidance

from a relationship counselor to better understand what she is dealing with. It

will make you look like not so much the bad guy. I think for yourself you need

to decide what road you want to take. Has trust been broken beyond repair and

it’s time to move on or do you want to try to fix this.

December 23, 2014
10:10 pm
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edwardcejka
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Drug addiction cause more illness. A person who is addicted for drug or alcohol. He must be totally upset by physically or mentally.Drug addiction treatment helps thousands of addicts across the United States achieve lasting sobriety every year. Due to recent advances in neuroscience and psychology, rehab clinics are able to use a variety of proven methods in their drug addiction treatment programs for quit your drinking habit Good Future Rehab Center

January 27, 2015
9:34 pm
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free.
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No one causes another persons drug addiction.

No one can control another persons choice to use drugs.

No one can cure another persons drug addiction.

The same way a person chooses to do drugs is the same way they can choose not to do drugs.

If you don't like a persons choices then you have the choice to let go.

January 31, 2015
12:17 am
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Jim95
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Get her to rehab. I'll post info here when I find some.

February 13, 2015
9:28 pm
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Cabesa
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did you try to seek a professional help? rehab center is a good choice too.

February 16, 2015
10:53 pm
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Cabesa
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Btw you can also search some drug recovery treatment program through internet, you can find tons of treatment program like AA meetings. Try also to read some story of the people who manage to recover, you might be inspired by them, or try to ask what is the best treatment that fits for you. Hope you will be find soon, just always remember that through God, all is possible. Recovery is possible, just always have faith in him. Looking forward to hear more from you my friend, God bless you.

February 19, 2015
4:56 am
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Dr. Basim Elhabashy
Delray Beach
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Having drug addiction is very bad for health. If your loved one is suffering from addiction then stop wait and take him/her to rehab center where he/she can get proper treatment and get their better life back.

March 13, 2015
10:56 pm
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Cabesa
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Great advice Dr. Basim, drug addiction is really bad for the health and it also ruins one's life. Good thing there's a lot of good rehab center that help someone (who struggling with addiction) to get their normal life back. Like here in our place, Care Addiction Recovery Center is one of the most trusted rehab centers, they conduct different program like AA and NA meetings. What I'm just wondering is, what if the individual (an addict) doesn't want to get help? How they will convince him/her to admit in a rehab center?

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