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Children of Addicts Becoming Adults
July 28, 2011
5:17 pm
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HeNeedsHelp
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My husband and I have been together for over 2 years now. When I met him, his mother had been clean for a year. He, his twin, his mom, and his grandmother all lived together for his whole life and was 19 when his mother went to rehab and cleaned up. She used needles and pills, and purposely cut herself very badly on several occassions. I only know what she has told at AA meetings, because my husband won't talk about it. He was the one that drove her to rehab, he was there when she'd cut herself to the bone, he was there when she'd get arrested.

Now, he has all this hate and anger built up inside of him. He talks to people so hatefully, even strangers. He has horrible road rage, he's terribly impatient, and when things don't go his way, he immediately looses his temper. I thought it was partly influenced by living with his grandmother. So, after we got married we moved into our own house and she moved 100 miles away from us. This was the first time he and his grandmother had been separated in 22 years. He had always lived in the same house, with the memories. I figured us getting a new place and starting our own memories, things would get better. But here lately, it seems like it's getting worse.

Example 1:

The Fourth of July this year we had a cookout that we only planned one week in advance. We called all of our friends and let them know. We weren't expecting a big turnout, but when it came down to the day, only 2 people showed up. My husband immediately got on the phone and began to call the ones who said they'd come. If they didn't answer, he'd leave them a horrible message saying what bad friends they were for not coming or calling to cancel. One of the people was his best friend since they were in diapers, and they still haven't spoken since. My husband says he's through with him and he talks nasty about him now.

Example 2:

Today, he got angry because he was bored and all of his friends were too busy to hang out with him, so he cussed them out. He talks to his mother, his grandmother, and his brother like garbage. And at times he tries to with me. I usually get mad about him disrespecting me and then we fight with one of us threatening to leave the other person.

I know he's angry. He needs help. But I know the minute I suggest it, he's going to BLOW up. I don't know what to do. I'm scared for him. He's pushing more and more people away every day and one day, no one will be left. And he truely is better than that...I just don't know how to make him see that. This isn't occassional behavior, it's 90% of the time. Can anyone tell me what to do? I took a vow, so I intend on following it through. Please help.

July 28, 2011
11:14 pm
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ShiningLight
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HeNeedsHelp,

 

Anger Management will actually help your husband control his behavior. Try to approach him on the times he's not angry or not even one symptom of angriness in his state. Maybe he'll blow up again but at least it's one way of making him realized about his condition and how he has become different from his normal behavior and treatment towards you as his wife. He definitely needs help. You can ask and consult directly a counselor/psychologist that's expert on anger management. They can give you recommendations and advises you need to help your husband.

 

Keep holding on and stay strong. Wishing you well.Smile

July 29, 2011
5:50 pm
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HeNeedsHelp
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Thank you Shining Light. I have been thinking about suggesting it to him, but I know how he will react. Even in the best mood he can turn mad in a snap of a finger. But it's coming, it's going to have to happen.

December 17, 2013
10:44 pm
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Dr. Basim Elhabashy
Delray Beach
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I think he will be disappointed at some point so you need to talk with him openly or otherwise you will not able to fullfill expectation of him so seat with him and talk openly that what he exactly want from you.

January 6, 2014
6:15 pm
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Siled1988
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January 6, 2014
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I was wondering what happened next? How are you doing?

 

Siled

March 1, 2014
9:46 am
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aaronwebvizards
Costa Mesa, CA
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January 25, 2013
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Well it is true that your husband is suffering from anger management issue, which he is truly finding it difficult to cope with. Due to some confided anger inside him, which he is unable to bring it out to the world. It better for you to go for councelling with your hubby, also take every positive step towards making him feel better with a realization as what he is doing wrong towards his family & self. A conscious effort can lay a foundation of good & secure life ahead.

May 29, 2014
1:45 am
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edwardcejka
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April 28, 2014
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Adult children of alcoholics have a fear of people who are in
authority, people who are angry, and do not take personal criticism
very well.

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