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16 months clean and in a relationship with a detoxing addict
December 19, 2012
3:35 am
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spanna84
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December 19, 2012
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I started seeing this guy from the rooms about 6 months ago as a 'bit of fun'. It's now progressed a bit but has of course been causing me untold amounts of pain.

He's doing a slow subutex detox but has used a few times since we've been together. I tried stepping away after I confronted him about that but ended up getting back with him when it temporarily looked like he'd started working a program and going to more meetings. We had an argument the other night after I tried confronting him about his unreliability – how he rarely sees through plans and doesn't let me know and how I then feel worried and hurt. I try to give him leeway considering his position but I feel like the balance just isn't fair on me, and I deserve more.

At the root of all this is that I know what the best and most loving thing to do for myself is – to step away and concentrate on myself. But it is just so very hard. The last time I tried I ended up caving and getting back in contact with him. I was in so much pain I came closer to relapsing than I have since I got into recovery 16 months ago and that is part of what scares me.

At the end of this argument the other night I got an apology from him and decided to leave it a day to settle. So I texted him last night just saying we should have a conversation, but have had no response. Of course now I'm worrying that he's using again because a lot of the signs have been there recently and I know that he has some giro money. I am trying so hard to turn it over in the knowledge that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change what he will do, but my mind keeps obsessing around these worrying thoughts. Suffice to say I'm going to a meeting tonight, and trying my best not to project about the plans we had for christmas with my family.

I have great friends in the fellowship and I've made plans with them for the weekend but this is just so damn painful. I just don't know what to do. Nothing for now? Or make a decision and stick to it?

Thank you in advance for any feedback, help or support you could give me. Honest opinions might be difficult for me to hear but the most helpful in the longrun.

December 29, 2012
1:34 am
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ShiningLight
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I think you worry too much and that's making you clinging onto him emotionally. Sorry for saying this but it might be best to settle everything first before going deeply. Let him fully recover and once his condition is already stable then that's the best time to work things out in your relationship. It's just a matter of patience and acceptance. Accept and understand his situation and be patient for in time, everything will fall into place. If you really love each other then you are bound to be together no matter what. Continue to show him your care and support and for sure he'll appreciate you more.

September 6, 2013
9:46 am
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RehabForTeens
Orange, CA
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February 21, 2013
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I too feel that you might be over cautious about the whole situation.But then I would not blame you as you yourself have gone through so much pain,that now you do not want to be hurt again.It is not bad to protect oneself but then you love the guy and if you move away from him at this stage of his detox,thenit is pretty sure that he would have a relapse.He does not have a very strong will-power like yours and so will have a whole lot of problems ,once you decide to move on.So try and weigh all the pros and cons of your actions and then take a decision.

September 20, 2013
3:42 am
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casabella
Laguna Beach, CA
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I agree with Rehab for teens that the situation is indeed a little difficult for you,but please be brave and face it.You are a strong person ,as you managed to break your addiction but then try and help the guy too.He seems to have a weak will power, that is why he keeps going back into relapse.But in case you have decided to move on after looking at both sides of the coin,then you yourself will need to have a strong will power as you keep coming back to him .Take a decision and stick to it.But basically you are a good person at heart and that is why you are finding it difficult to move on.

October 20, 2014
11:06 pm
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kyle84
Arizona, USA
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August 29, 2014
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spanna84 said:

I started seeing this guy from the rooms about 6 months ago as a 'bit of fun'. It's now progressed a bit but has of course been causing me untold amounts of pain.

He's doing a slow subutex detox but has used a few times since we've been together. I tried stepping away after I confronted him about that but ended up getting back with him when it temporarily looked like he'd started working a program and going to more meetings. We had an argument the other night after I tried confronting him about his unreliability – how he rarely sees through plans and doesn't let me know and how I then feel worried and hurt. I try to give him leeway considering his position but I feel like the balance just isn't fair on me, and I deserve more.

At the root of all this is that I know what the best and most loving thing to do for myself is – to step away and concentrate on myself. But it is just so very hard. The last time I tried I ended up caving and getting back in contact with him. I was in so much pain I came closer to relapsing than I have since I got into recovery 16 months ago and that is part of what scares me.

At the end of this argument the other night I got an apology from him and decided to leave it a day to settle. So I texted him last night just saying we should have a conversation, but have had no response. Of course now I'm worrying that he's using again because a lot of the signs have been there recently and I know that he has some giro money. I am trying so hard to turn it over in the knowledge that there is absolutely nothing that I can do to change what he will do, but my mind keeps obsessing around these worrying thoughts. Suffice to say I'm going to a meeting tonight, and trying my best not to project about the plans we had for christmas with my family.

I have great friends in the fellowship and I've made plans with them for the weekend but this is just so damn painful. I just don't know what to do. Nothing for now? Or make a decision and stick to it?

Thank you in advance for any feedback, help or support you could give me. Honest opinions might be difficult for me to hear but the most helpful in the longrun.


Hi Spanna, for now, I think you can be at least a very good friend of him if you think it will cause you and him no harms. Don't just think about the relationship status between you two. It is time you helped him get out of the ill consequences. Once he recovers; you can move forward, but I repeat do not leave him alone because loneliness can worsen the situation only without giving him a good chance to make it through.
October 26, 2014
9:09 pm
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Dr. Basim Elhabashy
Delray Beach
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October 10, 2013
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Suboxone has recently become the drug of choice instead of methadone in the treatment of opiate addiction. Suboxone use is less rigidly controlled than methadone because it has a lower potential for abuse and is less dangerous in an overdose.

December 23, 2014
9:49 pm
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edwardcejka
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i think so Suboxone use is less rigidly controlled than methadone because it has a lower potential for abuse and is less dangerous in an overdose.

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