The Psychology of Listening and Communication

Listen

When I ask you to listen to me, and you start to give advice you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen. All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do - just hear me.

Advice is cheap; two cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.

And I can do for myself; I’m not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of-understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.

And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what’s behind them Perhaps that's why prayer and meditation works, sometimes, for some people because a Higher Power is mute and doesn’t give advice or try to fix things. Meditation and prayer is talking to our inner-self which only listens... and lets us work it out for ourselves.

So, please -Listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I'll listen to you.

Anonymous

A naturally therapeutic person is one who, by a natural response to those in pain, empowers them to realize their own healing potential lies within them, and never in the one who is helping or giving advice.

-- Jaquelyn Small, 1993