wat do i do?????? | Questions, Advice & Help

wat do i do??????

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1:49 pm
April 9, 2011

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Post edited 7:11 am – April 11, 2011 by ShiningLight

I've not been like this forever…….it all started when i was 15 or 16……i got distantfrom my

parents,my friends in other words i chose to remain alone……why i did it i may never

know…….when i was 15 this girl came into my life…..her name was Shweta(name changed)….she was

the sweetest thing i had ever met….i fell in love with her….a few months later she went off to

Assam….and then stated it quite plain and simply that she wanted me out of her life….she gave no

apparent reason though…i was depressed like hell…..then i befriended a girl named Pooja(name

changed)….i spoke with her and came to realize that she is the person who could truly understand

me…..we bonded over time and when i was in the 12th standard we became a couple…..happiest day of

my life….i thought that this was the end of my suffering…and i am gonna be truly happy now….i

loved her like my little girl…she was my little baby….i put her to sleep,sung lullabys for her,

fed her with my own hands and just loved her like anything….after school was over i left for

college…..and for the first time in my life i was truly scared….scared to loose her…..i came to

nagpur….i used to cry everyday because i missed my little baby…..but it was futile…after 3 years

she called me up and said it was over, she too gave no apparent reason but simply said that she had

realized after two years that she did not love me…i mean its ok….but my life is not a joke….she

could have atleast been my friend, but no the so called "GOD" had other things in mind….i was

shocked beyond reconciliation…she insulted me made and fun of me and just left me to die….i begged

her to give me a second chance but it did not work…..she was standing there smiling and i was near

to death…and then i came to know that she was having an affair with another boy without my

knowledge….both of them insulted me and just let me rot…..i somehow pulled out of my plight and

retorted….i made her life hell and destroyed her….i could not tolerate her betrayal….and i do

not feel guilty of my actions….months passed i tried to heal but i still have nightmares about those

days….i still do….i am afraid…..i am 22 now…i met a girl Sonam(name changed) and we too became

friends….friendship turned into attraction and gave birth to love……but what could i do?…..she

was commited beforehand…..i cannot be like that boy who barges into a relationship and spoils

it….i tried to go away,dissappear from her life, but couldn't do it….i needed her…..she

reciprocated my feelings to a certain extent and i saw a ray of distant happiness…but i dared not

keep any expectations…my experiences taught me otherwise…..now i am distraught,depressed and i do

not have a reason to live…..i hate myself and i hate my life….people come up with philosophical

stuff like "get over it" and "move on"….but its not that easy….its not possible….i do not know

what to do….i want to die and just then maybe i can find some peace….i want to be with somebody

who can atleast understand what is inside me….somebody who atleast knows that i am not

worthless….but that's all just a dream…..i know i won't live long….i can't….i cannot tolerate

this life……and if i come face to face with the almighty…..i want to ask him one simple

question….."WHY"?

2:20 am
May 16, 2011

sunshine88

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I am here to speak to you about my brother who recently hanged himself. He must have had thoughts like yours. So let me tell you from the point of view of those around the person who commits suicide.

Ending your life ends your problems, but passing on to your family, friends and community a plague of grief, guilt, and a new wave of suicidal thoughts of those who experienced firsthand the suicide.

If I only could, I wish my brother considered that we were his family, and if he asked for help, if he asked for company, if he asked for understanding, we would have given it to him in a heartbeat. But he CHOSE to isolate himself. He CHOSE to drown himself in misery. He CHOSE not to let go past hurts. He CHOSE not to believe that there are good things around that he could have enjoyed, instead he CHOSE to see life as dark, hopeless, and empty. We often invited him to join us, but he refused. I often asked him to be with people, but he refused. He chose to sulk in his misery and pain. I went through in life more than him. I had been hurt more than him. But he chose to sit and brood, and think and think, and not fix it.

People say move on, because that's exactly what it takes to turn your life around. One foot over another. and keep on moving. it does get you somewhere. and for each choice you make, determines where you are gonna get to.

So if all these bad things happened to you, maybe you should get professional to assist you in finding whatever good and hope is left in this world. Because a lot of us had found it. A lot of other people who went through, and going through in life, had made choices in their life to turn scars into stars, and to work harder in providing more meaning in the way they live.

It is good you came here. There's a lot of us here who had gone through unimaginable crap in life, but had struggled, and probably still struggling, but oftentimes, find hope and joy somehow. You have a choice to keep hurting, or to just keep moving forward, even when heavily wounded. Happiness belongs to those who walk on wounded.

i'm sorry if there's anything here i wrote that must have sounded cruel. i just want to give you a perspective of a sister who has been crushed by her older brother's suicide.

11:01 am
May 16, 2011

zarathustra

miami, florida

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i myself have battled with suicidal thoughts more than once, and i am 21. i know what it feels like to be cheated on by your woman,

my first love was a woman who met me when i was low and brought me up. she used to put on shows of indifference but when we were alone she would cry and beg me to never leave her, something icould never picture doing, after we made love for the first time she made me sleep on the floor next to her holding her hand. she didnt want me on the bed but she wanted me to hold her hand. she left me for no reason, she didnt even tell me that it was over, she just never returned my calls one day, simple as that. i could tell you others but you know when i say that that first love hurts the worst. the others just made you think that could change.

i understand what its like my friend. i personally dont give a fuck about family, my family has all hurt me many times over, i believe it when i say that the ones who tell you they love you are the ones who hurt you the worst. but i do have a secret reason why to be alive. let me ask you something, what is your happiest memory? what is something that when you think of it it just mkes you smile, sfills your heart with warmth? i will happily tell you mine, it was this day i was playing board games with my best friend, a lady i love dearly although not romanticly. and she realized i was cheating so that she would win, she burst out laughing and the imageof her laughing about that is my happiest memory ever, to this day i smile when i think of it. now, i dont think that friendship will last forever, and to be honest it hurts sometimes when i realize that something like that is over and may never happen again. but do you know what keeps me going? the chance that it MIGHT happen again. the chance that can get anopther memory like that, another day like that, it is worth the pain. we are all dying my friend, it is ineviable, and i cant personally wait myself, but you know what? i wouldnt mind getting another hppy memory out of life, i know i might never have another smie, but i believe it is worth the chance. you are already in hell, i know what its like, so i see no harm in trying to win in life.and i will prove to all those who have hurt me that they did not break me, and i will prove to all those who gave me those happy memories that i do love them, by enduring. endure my friend,

what wouldnt you give to be happy? how about you give a little bit more time. what do you have to lose?

hoping for the best and hoping to read your posts again.

and you can call me chris bro, that is my real name

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