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Special note to Barefootgirl

UserPost

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

Anyone who got voted in would go along with them…no one good
would make it in and if they did…they would do their bidding… I
am in the northeastern part of the states….its getting darker now
but that is ok…along with the rain comes the cooler temps and I
have no air, just fans…don't like air and its also humid… So I
welcome the storms…ur in canada right?

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

Mydas…I guess I will get slammed for saying goodbye to
you…but sobeit…your one of the nicest most understanding person
I ever known…your a true credit to this board…I relly cankt
stand to be here anymore…I am now shaking and cankt understand
the rage…I did apoloize bit that is not good enough…I honestly
meant no harm…I am sorry and take care bfg

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


chelonia mydas

Member

posts 7

Hey
BFG,

B R E A T H E…
lllloooonnnngggg, s l o w, deeeeeeeep breaths. You can get through
this.

I support you
doing whatever you need to do. Only you know what is best for you.
But I suggest that you stay here and work through this, with all of
here here at AAC, together. You have a lot of support here. Don't
let your hurt blind you to that, there are many people who will
help light your path on your journey of recovery. But you have to
want to be here too and you have to continue to walk the path of
recovery even when that path is covered in sharp stones and
sometimes broken glass.

You are worthy of
being here, of being heard, of learning and growing and existing in
this space as much as anyone else here. People are not against you,
they are just being people. We are all influenced by our
perceptions and feelings, which sometimes makes us act in ways that
are misunderstood by others.

I read a little
bit of the "meltdown" thread (just the last two days) and see a
more of what you are facing. If that thread is upsetting you to the
point where you feel rage, then walk away from it. Its OK to let it
go. There is always another day and time to return when things are
different.

I learned to let
go of the ownership of any given thread. I have found that I can
only give life to a thread by starting it, but after that I have to
let it go. Once the Send Reply is clicked, it becomes an entity of
its own that is shaped by those who post on it as ideas and
experiences melt into the fabric of that thread's existance. Trying
to own an ACC thread it is like trying to own a wild animal, its
best left on its own to follow the path of its cyber existance.
Read and post only as long as it brings you healing, when it
becomes something that hinders your growth, just walk away from
it.

The only things I
feel like I own here are my intentions, actions, reactions and
choices, the rest exists outside of my control and ownership. This
is as it should be. This is something I did not know when I first
came here, but have learned over the years as things have happened
that have helped me learn and grow.

Now to answer some
of your earlier questions about speaking out even if we know it
will hurt someone…

Its a balance if
you know there is a chance of ruffling feathers. I usually ask
myself these questions:

how important is
it that this person (or group of people) has this
information?

is sharing it in
the best interests of the greater good?

is the pain from
growth or from spite?

am I certain that
it is true and real and relevant?

what is my
motiviation in sharing this?

will the help that
it will produce outweigh the hurt that it will cause?

There is no right
or wrong answer to any of these questions, only things to consider
before speaking out. It is good to share your thoughts and feelings
and participate in social activities with others. But if you have
something that is potentially painful to share its best to
carefully consider the situation.

There are many
things that can be shared that are not intended to hurt others. If
you are unsure about sharing, start with some of those topics.
Weather, food, entertainment, anecdotes about kids, pets and other
cute things are usually fairly safe topics. Sharing your experience
without offering advice to another is also very valuable. I often
prefer to just share a bit of my story because then they can make
up their own mind about what do to with it.

I'll be away from
home for a few more days, but will do my best to go to the library
a couple more times while I'm here.

Sending you lots
of hugs and support.

12:00 am
June 13, 2010


marypoppins

Member

posts 4

Barefootgirl,

I haven't read
every post regarding this issue, but I wanted you to know that I
can relate to what you're feeling.

In the past, we
had some threads going about religion on this side. I posted about
transgressions done "in the name of God" by people of authority in
the church and also about inconsistencies in the Bible. Without
going into all of it, it was something I felt passionately about. A
particular poster periodically inserted herself into the threads
calling me a Christian hater and commenting how useless and
negative the thread was. She even talked about it on other threads.
She called me other names and used it as a way to shame me. All of
this she did under the umbrella of "having a right to post her
opinion".

If people are
having a conversation in "real life", anyone just dropping into the
conversation and commenting on the nature or value of the
conversation would be considered rude. But, this is a public forum.
Therefore, I suppose we need to remember that.

There are people
here who will repeat how important it is for everyone to have a
right to his/her opinion, yet then tell others, whether directly or
indirectly, what they should do or what they should say.

Not everyone is in
counseling. Not everyone is working a recovery program. Not
everyone is healthy. We are the blind leading the blind in some
respects.

Do not take
anything that happens here too seriously. I've been here long
enough to not get too worked up about things. However, I also
rarely post, so I'm not as invested emotionally as I once
was.

It's hard to work
something out on a public forum. That being said, it can be an
excellent place to work some things out.

Just remember that
no one person here has all the answers or always does everything in
a healthy way. We're all trying to learn. It would be nice to hear
apologies sometimes or acknowledgements, but that's often like
trying to get our parents to apologize. It's just not going to
happen.

Today is a new
day.

You have as much
right to be here as anyone else. Often our battles here remind us
of battles we had in childhood. It's our chance to learn. If what
you have to say is important to you, and you know in your heart
that you're not trying to hurt anyone, than don't let what others
say bother you. It's hard to do sometimes. We may feel the need to
stand up for ourselves. Keep posting and you will work it
out.

No one is perfect.
We don't have to be.

Love to
you!

Mary

12:00 am
June 13, 2010


Bitsy

Member

posts 71

(((Mary Poppins))) I have been reading this thread trying to
form my thoughts on what I wanted to say. I am still working on it.
You know you have hurt my feelings in the past and I am positive I
have hurt yous but as you said today is another day. ;)

Bitsy

12:00 am
June 13, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

Mary…thank you:) something mydas said striked an idea…gave
me some hope…I shouldn't leave…I need to learn how to get along
with people…I started a very non threathening…at least I hope!
Thread about gardens and ponds…please visit… You do not have to
talk about your garden…if you don't want too…I. Just want a
safe place to be…a place for us all to share our love of nature
and garden tips or whatever… Here hoping it works:)

12:00 am
June 14, 2010


MsGuided

Golden Horseshoe.ca

Member

posts 104

(((Mary)))

I always know you
will post something that is balancing when conflict
erupts.

You said: "If
people are having a conversation in "real life", anyone just
dropping into the conversation and commenting on the nature or
value of the conversation would be considered rude . But, this
is a public forum. Therefore, I suppose we need to remember
that.

There are people
here who will repeat how important it is for everyone to have a
right to his/her opinion, yet then tell others, whether directly or
indirectly, what they should do or what they should say.
"

I'll post this
word. Hypocracy. ( and control issues) Yea I know how to spot it
and i don't live that way. I don't act that way.

I won't fall down
when a bunch of ankle biters, and town criers, start their work.
I'll kick it away and tell them find something better to do like
"work on yourself."

I was reminded by
a good friend this weekend. Something simple. "When it comes to
people and getting personal, if you haven't something postive to
say then don't say it"…he went on to say that if there is
conflict then work it out, to a positive end trying to respect
their feelings and STCK BY THEM, as long as real betrayal issues
aren't there.

It isn't so simple
tho. Sometimes we get lost and confused and THAT should be
considered too. UNDERSTAND when someone is feeling helpless, lost
and confused. Hurting them more is just mean nad
destructive.

I'll let people
work it out here and it's all ok as long as they take
accountability.

Accountability
is running a DEFICIT HERE!

U know I don't
think I can work much out here anymore either.Due to what i said
above AND i am focusing on home.

Thanks for
stopping by. I was waiting and there it is! Perfect!

The Mary go round
stops and lets a good bunch ( observations) off.
aaahahaha!

(((bevdee)))
welcome back, delayed but hey! I think u understand. LUV
YOU!:0)

That's it for now.
Back to the 3 dimensions.

Be Well! (((all of
us)))

12:00 am
June 14, 2010


Hepburn

Los Angeles, California

Member

posts 104

(((MsG)))

Geez, I don't know
which thread I should post on….

I'm sorry things
turned out the way they did. Obviously, I could say a lot of things
about this situation, but unless asked, I'm going to hold my
tongue.

I've learned a few
things while being on this site. One is not to rely on it to fix my
problems. I can only fix myself through inner work. The other is
this site is a MENTAL HEALTH site. We're dealing with people
(Including myself of course) who have issues. HELLO! (Not saying
"HELLO" to you MsG, but in general.) I can be just as guilty in
forgetting that as anyone else here. Some people use this site to
work on their problems and others live in denial of their problems,
they think they have it all figured out. If that's so, then why are
they here?

I know we're all
just a bunch of faceless, screwed up (albeit trying to recover),
cyber people, but I just wanted to say that I appreciate your
passion MsG. I think you've contributed a great deal here. And
really I just wanted to say that I like you in general and I know
how you feel.

Love,

The Screaming
Banshee Woman (LMAO)

12:00 am
June 14, 2010


MsGuided

Golden Horseshoe.ca

Member

posts 104

OMG
((HEP!))

"Screaming Banshee
Woman."

Oh u showed a
weakness and that defines you?! NOPE!

It's a TWO WAY
STREET. Loyalty, compassion and well, KINDNESS.

It's easier to
blame and name call. Deny any investment made.phhft!

You felt hurt
abandoned and were honest. I understand that. You didn't judge her
personal life decisions or actions so harshly. Tried to work out a
conflict and got dumped.

What am i supposed
to do?! I can't and won't try to control anyone. The parties have
to be willing to engage. AND i won't put myself at risk when i work
so hard to heal my issues.

"screwed up
faceless cyber people"….well I get your response…BUT It's about
healing Hep. Loneliness isn't a good feeling or any way to
live.

WE know
loneliness and want to get rid of it.

AAC can only go so
far in healing that need. Take the tools and lessons here and aplly
it to our lives? I feel a tinge of loneliness here. I don't really
KNOW YA'LL.

Can't smell, see,
touch, hear, or experience your surroundings.

If AAC offers up
some ongoing genuine support then that's a gift.

I do appreciate
those gifts and Thank YOU AAC members

Disconnection is a
HUGE problem in this world. U KNOW THAT! So many of us know that.
LIVE IT!

I don't want to
feed my disconnection or anyone elses unless they are a danger to
me ya know?!

I don't want to
feel disconnection, or have it compound in my life. I don't need
people making vows and abandoning me either. But I've learned
that's on them not me. It doesn't hurt as much anymore.

I DO feel
connection with so many of you here, BUT ……got it?
:0)

No I'm not going
to ask. I'm not going to carry on without her present and
participating. I'm just letting it go for now OK? She has to make
the first move of peaceful resolution if she wants.

My door is
open.

Sorry Hep. I know
it still hurts, but you're ok! You got a good life and have come so
far. I appreciate you ((Hep)) even tho we don't interact a lot
lately. Please don't take it personally or read into it negatively.
I'm trying to simplify things here. ;0)

I may post to you
more in the near future.

I'm going to P/T
soon. End of JUNE!YEAY! ( Maybe?) LOL Be Well!

12:00 am
June 14, 2010


MsGuided

Golden Horseshoe.ca

Member

posts 104

Oh
Hep. Mental health site indeed. U got it.

12:00 am
June 15, 2010


Hepburn

Los Angeles, California

Member

posts 104

(((MsG)))

Well I'm glad you
have a good perspective on it anyway! Lots of triggers for me!
Don't take this the wrong way, but I feel vindicated in a
way.

Yes, simplifying
is a good thing. I've been doing that here myself.

What is P/T?
Physical Therapy? What happened? Anyway it made you happy. So I'm
happy for ya!

Take your time
MsG. Post WHEN you want and WHAT you want. There is no wrong
way.

Everything happens
for a reason.

Love,

Hep

12:00 am
June 17, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

Its
never a good feeling to feel left out…however that is a feeling I
always had all my life… Feeling unwanted, left out, not good
enough… I need to do something bout that…to at least not care
so much? But how do you not care when so many leave you out in
life? Not fitting in…

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

One
last thought before we leave the house this
morning……

To find people who
understand and to focus on those who DO CARE. Like on here, I was
so upset over all the negative that I was missing out on the
postive here..

I think I actually
may of got this, I hope so! Have a great day all. We are off to the
waters and sun today!

Love
BFG

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


alien

New Member

posts -1

((BFG)) :)

So happy you seem
in good spirits today! I'm going to leave cyber-world for awhile.
I'll be sending good vibes. I'm grateful for your participation
here. Gratitude feels good eh? ;) Take care

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


StronginHim77

Member

posts 453

BFG
-

I copied this from
the Gulf Crisis thread:

BFG -

This is a forum.
People will frequently post things which prove offensive, hurtful
or downright infuriating to others. Again, it's a forum. That means
ALOT of different people come together to express themselves,
elicit feedback and opinions or vent their spleen.

You will encounter
varying degrees of woundedness. You will encounter people with
personal "agendas." You will encounter people who simply rub you
the wrong way or make you feel like pondscum.

I encourage you to
learn to brush it off and HOLD YOUR OWN. Just because someone drops
a negative in your lap is no reason to run. Stand your ground and
realize there are people here who DO enjoy interacting with you
(and vice versa). People with whom you explore POSITIVE and
supportive interaction.

I've been on these
threads for nearly four years. Many "hits" have come, but so have
some wonderful friendships which have blessed me
immensely.

This is actually a
great learning curve for you. You can bolt and run because you were
offended, or you can stand your ground and continue to be yourself.
Too bad for anyone who can't handle that. Their problem…not
yours. Besides, the world is NOT all warm and fuzzy. We learn to
take the positive and NOT LET THE NEGATIVE GET TO US.

So, you have a
choice: GO or GROW. I am hoping you will stick around. Your
contributions to these threads have had some real "gems." Like all
the rest of us, you are testing the waters and learning to
swim.

Come on,
BFG…tread water and check out the high dive!

- Ma

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


Bitsy

Member

posts 71

Barefoot Girl,

I am addressing
you and only you in this post. I certainly did not mean my post to
deeply wound and offend you. There were many nights I would pour my
heart out on these threads and no one or maybe only one person
would respond to me. I would get my feelings hurt and feel like a
leper. I would show up and everyone would evaporate. Then I finally
realized it wasn't about me. I may be pouring my heart out but
other's were out living their lives and didn't have time to respond
to me or they may not have had anything to say to help my
situation. I realized that in the grand scheme of things no one on
this site is wondering around day after day thinking about me and
if I am OK. And you know what I am finally OK with that. In my own
bumbling way I was trying to give you the shortcut to where I
am.

In the grand
scheme of life I am Bitsy, a name I chose because of a dog I knew
and loved as a child. I am five letters that are attached to
someone on the other end of a computer screen. I really don't
matter in your life. If I never posted here again it wouldn't
change who you are or really effect you in any way. I am OK with
that. My wish for you is that you can reach the point of peace in
your life that you are OK with that as well.

You have worth
simply because you are Bare Foot Girl and that is enough. No more
no less. I certainly didn't mean my words in harm or to stir up a
hornets nest.

Take what you like
and is encouraging about what I post. Consider what you don't like
and why and either choose to accept it or ignore it. It is your
choice. Not mine and not anyone elses. We have a saying in
Celebrate Recovery. You have enough to do keeping your own side of
the street swept. I have enough to do keeping my side of the street
swept.

Bitsy

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


marypoppins

Member

posts 4

Bitsy,

You stopped
posting for a while when you didn't hear what you wanted from
people and didn't get the attention you believed you deserved. I
don't think you're free from throwing a tantrum when you don't get
what you want.

In addition, I
still hear you blaming others, your ex, R, etc. for what was done
to or not done for you. Yes, you've progressed, but you still have
a tendency to see things as black or white, all or
nothing.

I hope you
continue going to Celebrate Recovery and take this in the loving
way it is intended. I have been thinking about wanting to say these
things to you for a while. Because you grew up with an alcoholic
mom, I believe you're in the habit of pointing the finger at
someone else. It's a hard habit to shake. However, sometimes, it
really IS you, Bitsy. It doesn't mean you're an awful, horrible
person, it just means that you have things to work on as
well.

As do we
all.

With
affection,

Mary

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


Bitsy

Member

posts 71

And
there's the difference Mary. At one time your words would have
crushed me. They don't.

Bitsy

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


marypoppins

Member

posts 4

That's good, Bitsy. I wasn't looking to crush you. But we
"know" each other a little, right? We've both made ourselves
vulnerable here, and we've given one another genuine support over
the years.

Anyway, let me
take this opportunity to wish you and your family and friends,
actually all of the AAC posters affected by the oil crisis, the
very best. It truly is horrible and sickening beyond
words.

Love,
Mary

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


Bitsy

Member

posts 71

Mary,
for what it's worth I have always appreciated knowing that we each
were hurt by "religiousity" and each took a different path on our
lifes journey, but have found a common ground of mutual
respect.

Bitsy

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


marypoppins

Member

posts 4

That's worth a lot, Bitsy. I continue to read these boards and
follow everyone's story. You have faced and conquered things (for
lack of a better catch-all word) that I haven't, and I'm inspired
by that.

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


Bitsy

Member

posts 71

See
there? It's all perception. I still post a lot and you don't so I
think you are all healed up and I am not. What's the joke? If you
can't serve as a role model (inspiration) at least serve as a
warning.

Bitsy

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


bevdee

Member

posts 254

I've
been thinking about what Bitsy posted, you aren't important
enough….. You know, I used to feel this way about some things. I
don't know why. I wondered today if it was because I felt so
self-conscious all the time. When I went out in public, I felt I
had to be all matching – earrings to pull out the color of the
perfect outfit, shoes belt and purse had to match. Hair had to be
just so, make-up perfect.

If not – why,
people might talk. Did my mom instill this in me? I have to think
about it. Did stuff happen to me in high school? Sure. HIgh school
girls are bitches and live for that shit. I know the small town
churches I went to were like that. Gossip that affected what I
thought? Shaped my fears? It's not that way now. I have been to
WalMart in my pajamas, and it was not in the newspaper. Most times
I do get dressed, but don't do my hair, just go natural, and I
dont' even get negative responses. Some guy flirted with me at the
auto parts store, and I hadn't even combed my hair.

When I was in my
20s, I would be crushed if people didn't rave about my contribution
to a pot-luck at work. Pissed really, then hurt. And I would tell
people outside the job how badly that made me feel. How I worked my
ass off cooking real food, and someone got more thanks for
store-bought cake, yadayadayada…….

I was afraid to
say things, afraid that I would clear the room, or bring on a
maelstrom of disapproval. Well, feeling the way I did about
religion in my family, it's little wonder. I was also hurt by the
slightest criticism. I did the same thing at work that BFG does
here.. If I got a suggestion for change, or a less than perfect
yearly eval, I would go to everyone and tell my tale, try to get
approval, and people to tell me I was right and they were wrong. It
just made everyone uncomfortable, and they avoided me. That is what
reinforced my belief about being unworthy, not that I voiced an
opinion, but the way I processed what I perceived as criticism. So.
alone, in my mind, that person became a villain. It could become
very black and white.

When I finally
started posting here, I chose to stick mostly on Libs, because I'm
not so supportive – of many things. I had worked my way thru being
a professional victim, and I had (have) little sensitivity toward
suicidal posts, cause they always come back. I speak my mind, my
opinion, and people on Support claim that hurts them. That's why I
stick to Libs. There was something that happened here about 5 years
ago, a big blow out that I thought i would never forget. I stopped
posting for a while, because of it. I recently went back to read
it, and what I thought was so horrible, what I perceived as a
ganging up, wasn't that at all. It was an interaction between two
posters, with other people on the thread. When I was calm, and had
grown (I'd like to think) I saw it differently.

Really, if you
post something on Libs, you should expect anything. Agreement,
disagreement. If you are continually hurt by that, you choose to
be. It's just a question of how long do I choose to hurt by the
same thing? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and
expecting a different result?

People frequently
say they are never coming back, they just can't but they always
do!! Like those suiciders!!!

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


bevdee

Member

posts 254

Oh
NO!!!! I killed the thread!!!!!!

12:00 am
June 18, 2010


StronginHim77

Member

posts 453

Grinning…No, Bevdee. The thread is NOT dead.

: )

- Ma


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