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Special note to Barefootgirl

UserPost

4:45 pm
June 26, 2010


andii

Member

posts 124

I am too BFgirl, I'm missin ya.

hugs

andii

6:28 pm
June 26, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

Gosh…I did not really think anyone would miss me…goodness…this helps me beat myself up a little less and from your posts here…I can't thank you guys enough…I also miss you guys as well…and thanks for understanding my feelings.
I guess if I were able to withhold my hurt and not lash out…I would not be on here trying to get some help..I am the first to admit..I have problems and I try…I do..but I keep messing up.
I would prefer to say…oh, I see that…I can understand and not cry off in a corner..but I can't…I relly wish I did not get so heated up…
My self esteem is zero…I am not asking anyone to feel bad for me…I try to feel good bout me…
But I hear or read into things such as..I am a loser, not good enough and not worthy enough to be someone…
I feel many times as if I have a mark on my head…I can't socialize…that is why I came here. But even here I am an outcast.
I am just damaged…I don't want to be. I have no belief in a hp…and society makes me feel even that much worse about myself cause of that…
I never wanted to fight with anyone…I honestly can't help that I get hurt so easily and all those inserted disclaimers really hurt me…but who cares…its my problem…trust me I know that.
I would like to post but when I lay myt feelings out people get mad at me…I feel I have no right to say how I feel here but everyone else can take a stab at me and have a free for all..
That is why I must try to post very little or not at all…
Cause my feelings and hurt bother people..but then I see people like you andii and scl who understand and I feel like I am missing out on having a friend in this world…something I think everyone wants…
I just want peace…my eyes are sore from crying on here, my heart is tired of being tied to the stake and I can't handle that anymore…too old for that…
((((Lots of love and hugs)))))thank you for missing me…and caring enough to post to me guys;)

6:45 pm
June 26, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

There is maybe 2-3 people here who I would never post too…who I feel are here to only cause trouble…stir things up. They know who they are…if and when I do post…they are on ignore. I will not converase with anyone who plays mind games with me or others here…
For my own emotional safety…I will not engage anymore…as its too draining and I am not in a place to be hurt anymore…I need to converse my energy…

I never set out to purposely hurt anyone here…if I lashed out it was cause I was hurt by what was said…I have never just lashed out unprovoked…never…

I know I am sensitive and damaged…I always been upfront about that..I am far from perfect…I am doing the best that I can do for now…

Peace people….please.

7:06 pm
June 26, 2010


risingfromtheashes

st regis falls, ny

Member

posts 14

BFG – it saddens me to see that you feel so bad about yourself.

acknowledging it is step one – and you have made it that far.

I don't know your whole story because I don't post here regularly….so, if you already gave this answer, pardon me for asking…but are you in counseling of any kind?

The number one buffer of stress is a high self esteem (learned in my stress management class)…if we have low self esteem, we are at risk for a wealth of stressful situations and over-reactions to stress, both mental and physical.

If you are not in therapy, perhaps it would be in your best interest to think about doing so?

I really hate to see you hurting – and it's understandable why you react to posts like you do – and you know why you do it…if you truly want to make progress and make friends and not be the outcast you feel you are – therapy may help.

7:18 pm
June 26, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

(((Thank you)))
I have greatly improved…not kidding…I was in therapy for a few years…
I have come a long way…but obviously I need a lot more help…being here is prolly not a good idea..
Many here do not get it…as I have read by many people here..
There are various reasons why people post…not all want help or see they need it and some want to spread their misery around…
So if I do post…I have to keep it to those whom I get along with…who understand…I have enough pain to dealk with…I need to converse my energy…
And I will…I will protect myself…I need too…
(((Thank;)))))

10:56 pm
June 26, 2010


risingfromtheashes

st regis falls, ny

Member

posts 14

BFG – I understand your idea of posting only to those whom you get along with – BUT – this IS a public forum and everybody is going to read and everybody is free to post in return.

I know you know this….but it would seem that if you only post to those you get along with, you are bound to receive feedback from others that may not be what you want to hear, may "trigger" you, or whatever.

Unfortanately, there is no way to keep things between only certain people.

I hope you think about this – before putting yourself and your feelings out there – if you know you are sensitive to bees – don't knowingly stick your hand in the nest.

Just know that many of the posters are here for the right reasons, and sometimes "we" don't always get it right either…we are all at different stages of our journey.

I go to coda meetings – one of my favorite things is "take what can, leave the rest"….if something is upsetting you – step back, breathe, think about what is so upsetting about it and choose your worde carefully – that goes for everyone. We can all learn from eachother.

I am rambling, sorry…just wanted to point out something that seems obvious, but may not have occured to you at the moment – this is a public forum and no matter how much you want to keep it between you and the ones you get along with, it is impossible to do.

11:03 pm
June 26, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

Rising…

I think your right about that…I am too weak and over sensitive to be here…I am having a hard time sleeping tonight for many reasons…
Maybe one is that I know this to be true deep down. I think it is best to live in my own world…for now anyhow…
Peace and hugs to you!

((((((Risingfromtheashes))))))))

12:00 am
June 11, 2010


chelonia mydas

Member

posts 7

I
just wanted share some thoughts I have after reading your recent
post from the Coffeehouse where you thought that you weren't liked
or wanted on some threads and on the support side of the board in
general.

The coffeehouse
thread has benefited greatly from your posting there and it is a
loss to us all if you have not been posting because you feel
unwelcome or unwanted. That simply isn't the case, you are
encouraged and certainly wanted.

I'm thinking that
maybe the disagreements that have happened on other threads have
led to some people feeling not liked (or even hated). I encourage
you to look at the possibility of confusing a disagreement with
someone not liking/hating you. I understand this confusion very
well because I, myself feel that way if someone has a different
opinion, especially if they feel strongly about it and voice it
with an attitude. I still have to take some time to evaluate the
situation and see if its just a difference of perspective/opinion
or if there really is a dislike.

And if it really
is that they hate me… I have to ask myself SO WHAT? Am I going to
change what I want because someone has an issue with me? At first I
evaluate if there issues have merit? (for example, perhaps it
wasn't a good idea to say that their baby looks like a monkey…
yes they have every right to have issue with me after that comment,
but that is also a time for me to learn from that experience and
realize that its not good to insult someone's child if I want to be
their friend. Yes silly, example but you get what I'm saying)
Making mistakes is how I learn and how I improve for the future. I
pissed off loads of people, some if it I'm at fault for and some of
it I'm not. I evaluate, learn and do my best in the future by
incorporating the new info (sometimes, or at least when I do it
again, I can acknowledge that I will continue to learn this lesson
until I do incorporate it into my life.)

Does that mean
that those of us that do like you have to miss out on your
participation because some others have made you feel like they
don't like you? Consider ignoring the ugly attitudes that let them
deal with their issues concerning you, while you work through your
issues.

If you are
choosing to stay away from the support side because you want to, I
support that choice fully and accept that. But please consider
returning to the support side if you are doing it because you are
allowing others to control your actions due to miscommunications,
disagreements and encountering opportunities to develop better
social skills.

Sending you big
hugs and support to be who you want to be.

It might be a
while yet before I can get back on here, so if I don't respond, its
because I can't. But I'll check back when I can.

Stop by the
coffeehouse from time to time. I'd love to have dessert with
you.

12:00 am
June 11, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

(((Chelonia mydas)))) Gosh…thank you so much for caring about
me and writing what you did…I think its just best for me to not
share things when I hurt inside…I stopped doing this with my
parents…it got to the point where if I had any thing to say…it
would be my fault…I would be the bully when I stand up for
myself…just like here…I can't win no matter what…I am judged
for feeling hurt…I just keep learning over and over again to just
shut my mouth and have no thoughts…that is how I grew up and I
was basically opinionless and scared…now when I do speak out…I
am the bully…no matter what I do…I suffer…this is prolly why
I beenb alone and isolated most my life…fear of talking…or fear
of having no sense of self…

I wish you were my
sister cause you are a rare person around here…I am trying to see
where I went wrong…so basically I should of just ignored the post
that hurt me but yet keep sharing my mind? Maybe that is what I
will do…I will only talk to people for now on who I get along
with…honestly …what else is there to do? I can't help my
passion and I can't help to get hurt so much…what is
left?

12:00 am
June 11, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

That
would be nice chelonia…can I go hiking with you too? I love being
outdoors…I love to hike…I often do not go much anymore…as
much as I used too cause I moved close to a large city and its not
like I am used too…

Hope your ok…be
safe wherever you are…thinking of
you…((((Chelonia!)))

12:00 am
June 11, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

I do
not think I have any social skills chelonia….never learned them
and I am thinking maybe that is why I am alone……

12:00 am
June 11, 2010


CAMER

Member

posts 100

Barefoot & Chleonia (((((hugs to you both))) you are both
inspiring and worthy people on this site!!!!

12:00 am
June 11, 2010


chelonia mydas

Member

posts 7

Hey
BFG,

I'd love to go
hiking with you. No one is born with social skills, its something
we learn by trial and error. I have to disagree with ya though, you
DO have social skills. It just seems that you prefer to avoid
confrontation and conflict, which is reflected in your choice to
come here when things got heated on the other side. Avoidance is a
social skill.

There is nothing
wrong with that if it is what you want. If it isn't what you want,
then it is a chance to try something new and see if it works. That
is just a part of learning.

Look at it this
way, there are a variety of social skills that we can develop. The
ones that we practice the most are the ones that we get the best at
and then those become our "favored" and "comfortable" ways of doing
things.

We have the
capacity to develop and learn a variety of social skills. But we
have to usually be given opportunities to experience and practice
those skills. Similar to expecting someone to learn reading if no
one ever has taught them. If you are a 40 year old person who can't
read, do you assume that you don't have the ability to ever read???
No, the ability to aquire that skill is there, its just that the
opportunity to learn how either wasn't available or wasn't
explored. It is still possible to learn to read at any age if
provided with opportunities to learn. Does it mean that this person
can't communicate at all because they can't read? No, they have
been communicating in other ways their whole life that have served
them well. So it would be incorrect for them or anyone else to
beleive that they can't communicate, only that they haven't learned
to read yet.

Some of us here
are emotionally/socially unexperienced in healthy interaction. We
can get by with the skills we have, just as the person in the above
analogy still communicates. Its more limited and they struggle with
things that people who know how to read take for granted. For
example if you can't read, you can't buy some types of generic
canned foods that just have a plain lable without pictures- I never
thought of that until I moved to an area with a high rate of adult
illiteracy.

I reached
adulthood totally socially unprepared to interact in a healthy way
with anyone, not even myself. Many of the basic lessons that many
people learn as they grow up, I was clueless on (like not cussing
out your boss) and I had to learn by experience (getting
fired).

These threads are
a safe place for us to learn and practice these skills in ways that
will not impact our daily lives. Here if you manipulate, put down
or otherwise act out, you are called on it and others share their
perspectives. For those that are really disruptive and don't seem
to be here to learn from their mistakes, the SC takes care of them.
But for the most part, we interact, make mistakes, learn from them,
develop a new skill that will help us be healthier people in our
non-cyber lives.

So if the outcome
of your interaction with another person or people here wasn't what
you wanted, look at it. What contributed to it being different than
you expected? What could you try in the future to create an outcome
closer to what you were striving for? Were there old habits and
hurts that contributed to your reaction or perception of the
situation that you could look at for future
interactions.

I don't see where
there is anything wrong with you. You are a human just like the
rest of us. You have specific strengths and weaknesses that make
you unique but you are not unique in having wonderful qualities to
be celebrated by all and some areas that allow for learning and
growth. We all have those, they just come in different flavors for
all of us.

Its good to see
you post. I encourage you to look at all your interactions with
others as opportunities to learn and grow. If it turns out well,
then you have practiced and further developed that skill. If it
turns out not as you planned, then you have an opportunity for
reflection and learning where you can move on and choose something
different in the future.

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

(((((Mydas)))))you have a good heart and wow…I can tell you
came a long long way yourself.

I also use to
fight with people A lot more way back when I was younger…when I
was learning how to drive…at age 32! My husband taught me…he
took me out every sat am and made it fun for me…held my hand and
was very gentle…he wanted me to have independence in life…he
did what no one else would for me.

When we got into
traffic…I was afraid to go over 35 and this guy behind me was
slamming on the horn in a very aggressive way..I then slowed down
and stopped and gave him the finger and started screaming at
him…

I did not care
that traffic was held up…I did not even realize that…I was
scared, trapped and had no idea that you should go into the other
lane or just go the speed limit…

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

I am
just thinking here…why do I feel so afraid to share my thoughts
on here? Many times I been on a thread and wanted to say somethinf
but didn't cause I did not want to hurt someones feelings…so in
fact its ok to give your opinion here if you know it might ruffle a
feather? I do understand that everyone has a right to their
opinion…I understand that now a bit better…always did…just I
got emotional I suppose…I just always thought if it aint kind or
it may offend…that was wrong…so its ok then? Just confused
here..really confused…I feel safe talking with you mydas..you
have a lot of class and a big heart…so I trust what you say to
me…

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


MsGuided

Golden Horseshoe.ca

Member

posts 104

(((Chelonia Mydas))))

I want to thank u
for stepping up, taking the time to support BFG.

I think you're one
of the most perceptive, well rounded, truly recovered, BRAVE and
caring people on these boards, and tho I don't post to you much (
at all lately,;0/) I wanted to let you know I REALLY appreciate
your input. Everything you posted are helpful to everyone on these
boards.

(((BFG)))

You can't allow
what other people say limit your actions IF you have done nothing
wrong but express your feelings and an opinion. People will always
be in conflict about their spiritual paths, and politics. It's a
reality.

Basically the
"Meltdown" thread has a lot of people who want more balance,
fairness, peace and ACCOUNTABILITY on this planet. GOOD FOR US that
we are pointing out what is wrong. It's not easy to fight the POWER
ya know! Not easy to come out of denial. It's a risky practice that
will incite disagreements. WE ROCK! ;0)

I really do
appreciate you BFG and support you on your healing journey. I thank
you for the support you've given me!

Stand proud and
speak your truth. Realize and embrace those who support that truth.
Carry on and let those that differ from you, try to suppress you,
BE!! Let it roll off. :0)

Be
well!

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

Thank
you sd…I agree with most of what you say…but anyhow…I just
have a hard time saying something that might hurt someone here…I
could of never said what cary did to someone else…yes I do agree
he is entitled here to say whatever he feels and that is allowed
here…I would be very interested what misguided feels about
this…I would like to hear her thoughts….mksguided you
here?

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

((((((Msguided!))))))

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

Old
age and small letters on my blackberry aren't helping me…
Misguided…you and mydas are two of my fave people here…I just
want you to know that! There is a good hanful of people here that I
love to converse with and you two along with a few others have
greatly impacted my life and my happiness in life…a big hug to
you two and those other special people here who I have really come
to a special place in my heart and mind…thanks!

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


MsGuided

Golden Horseshoe.ca

Member

posts 104

I'm here but about
to sign off.

I think Cary was
directing most of his comments toward me.

I said people are
a cancer, and he repeatedly posted my comments. Specifically that
one.

I won't take that
comment back.I think he chose a less direct way of trying to shut
me down. Check this out.

"Cancer /'kæns?r/
( listen) (medical term: malignant neoplasm) is a class of diseases
in which a group of cells display uncontrolled growth (division
beyond the normal limits), invasion (intrusion on and destruction
of adjacent tissues), and sometimes metastasis (spread to other
locations in the body via lymph or blood). These three malignant
properties of cancers differentiate them from benign tumors, which
are self-limited, and do not invade or metastasize. Most cancers
form a tumor but some, like leukemia, do not."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cancer

I see very clear
parallels of our existance to that disease.

We exibit
incontrolled growth and invade. We take over wild places and farm
in stead of hunt. ( look up the consequneces of factory farming on
the environment) This causes stress and death to other living
creatures, the ecosystem, including ourselves ( think war, and
toxic runoff from manufacturing, and farming )

We tap into
resources in a way that creates pollution and toxins. This in turn
causes more disease and death to the nearby occupants.

Nobody can deny
the environmental destruction caused by us.

People do not live
in symbiotic harmony with nature anymore.

Maybe if i said
"greed is a cancer" that would be more specific. People harbour and
enable such GREED! Am i supposed to candy coat what i
said?

We even cause
great harm and suffering to our own kind. Within our own families!
GAWD! ANIMALS do so much better with their own family units and
their use of resources. However most poeple think animals are
lesser than US!???

I guess that's why
nothing much is done about the plight and suffering of living
species! They just aren't as important as us!??

It's a
reality.

Now what do we do
to cure it!?

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

I
just want to add something here…I am niw in my yard and enjoying
the sun..the blue skys…the birds…even my barking dogs…its a
beautiful day…yet a severe storm is coming…that is why I am
outside being happy now…cause its coming…we can apply this to
life…we can speak the truth but still enjoy the good…we all
know that here…but instead of just doing all the chores…I
choose to first come out here on my deck…the trees are swaying
some but they sound like the ocean! The sky in the distance is not
as blue as it is near my home…but it is for now peaceful…my
flowers provide a beautful scent when thw wind blows…even as I
hear rhe siren down below us in the valley…its all ok…for
now;)

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

We
posted at the same time…I was curious about how you felt as I
felt you were more so attacked here than myself…I am thankful
that you posted about it….I think you rock too msg…I love your
posts and your spunk!!! ((((((((MISGUIDED)))))))))

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

The
problem here is that people as a whole are like sheep…easily
herded and controlled by power, money and by societys institions
like the church …There is so much wrapped around us from so early
on that when we get even a glimpse…we hate the one who shows the
truth….that is why the plan will succeed here….I honestly do
not see enough people caring msg….people do not want to be a
conspiracy nut…its goes aganist our way of life….our comfort
zone…humans are basically selfish beings……

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


BAREFOOTGIRL

New Member

posts -1

time
to log off now myself….we can at least talk, share and try to
educate people….at least we can sleep with a good conscience
knowing we at least tried…much better than being in denial and
selling our souls to the darkness……

12:00 am
June 12, 2010


MsGuided

Golden Horseshoe.ca

Member

posts 104

Hi
(((BFG))) U said: "I am now in my yard and enjoying the sun..the
blue skys…the birds…even my barking dogs…its a beautiful
day…yet a severe storm is coming…that is why I am outside being
happy now…cause its coming…"

Holy Cannolis! Are
we in the same area>?LOL

Same here with
this picture. Actual storms are coming but the sun is shining right
now. We have a lovely property where nature is all around us.
Believe me I do the exact same thing to keep my sanity and quell my
worries. I just planted some "Blue Boy" Summer Phlox, Pampas Grass
and Papyrus around our "dry well". I designed a small rockery
garden where the greywater from our eaves and sump goes during
rainfall. It's an old fashioned, eco friendly, way to deal with
runoff instead of using sewers. ( We're working on getting off the
"grid" as part of my "do something" plan that doesn't impact the
environment or others) We can enjoy some benefits from these
storms. HA! I hope my Phlox blooms really well this summer. ;0)
Nature is my church but I can't say I like squirrels or rabbits
much,LOL!. Not much of a vermin worshipper. ahahaha

I was never
controlled by the church, always question authority so I've never
had my critical thought taken away. Most Authority doesn't have
other peoples best interest at heart. It is pure ego gratification
and self serving. Talking a good game whilst they line their
pockets.

I think it would
be wonderful if a traditional Native American became the PM or
President! Dream ON! ;0/

Money is freedom
and some people will do ANYTHING to get it. Pretty sad. I
just try to find people who are connected to nature, have their
values grounded in self empowerment, sharing and compassion, and
are non materialistic.

Thanx for the kind
comments BTW. Have a great weekend!


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