Looking for insight on codependency | Self-Help | Forum

Hi all,

I am new to the site.  I hope my post is in a relatively decent place and that it is appropriate.  I'm simply looking for insight about my behavior.

Some background – I was married for 16 years.  Now divorced for nearly 1 year.  Started dating last fall and immediately fell for a woman.  She was smart, funny, creative, a great writer and communicator, beautiful, etc.  She was also bi-polar, suffered from PTSD, and a recovering alcoholic. 

I looked past these issues as I was so taken by her.  (Perhaps I was taken with her as she seemed taken by me?) 

Anyway – we dated for a few months and both thought we were in love.  Last month, she unexpectedly relapsed and began drinking.  Her bi-polar meds didn't seem to work and she cycled between mania and depression.  I've never seen such a dark depression (and I've had my own issues with depression).  She was looking for guns to killer herself with.  Her therapist immediately put her in a week-long suicide watch at a locked mental health facility.  A week or two after getting out, she drank again.  And drove drunk down the highway with her child in the car. 

I was concerned, scared, confused, and hurt.  She told me she had been planning on drinking and I felt that was deceitful (to her and to me).  I told her I needed some space to begin wrapping my head around what was happening with her.  She broke up with me a week or so after that and I am now heartbroken.  We traded a few e-mails afterwards, and then she said she never wanted to hear from me again.

Sorry for making this long – - I'm just trying to figure some things out:  How do I heal knowing she is struggling mentally?  Why did I jump in so fully with someone who openly expressed they had issues?  How do I learn more about my behavior and how to do better in the future?  Everything I've read suggests that people are either addicts or codependents.  I guess I'm a codependent. 

Thanks for any feedback anyone can provide.