a bright and balanced life | Self-Help | Forum

Hi everyone at AAC,

I'm starting a new thread not really knowing what to focus on yet because I don't know what, if anything, someone would be interested in talking about, with me! 

Shining Light talked with me a bit in Curious64's thread about being around positive people.  I liked that idea.  I also like the idea of working toward a brighter and more balanced future with self-help methods, hopefully with some friends who might be interested in the same thing for themselves.

I guess I'll start with what's on my mind right now–cognitive triangles, awareness wheels, and using them to better understand myself and my life, and to make more balanced and healthy decisions, and get to a place of more inner security and self respect.

These are two tools my therapist has shared with me that I'd like to get better at using. 

If no one posts here, guess I at least have a place I can practice using them!

I attend Recovery, International meetings, too, and there is good training there for cognitions and behaviors–some people call it "will" training.

I have a lot of therapy issues outside of what is discussed in the Recovery meetings, but those meetings are for daily trivialities of life only-no moral, ethical, legal, religious, political, etc.

Maybe here at AAC I can use some of the techniques I learn there on some of the more painful subjects…? maybe…or maybe will just stay with the "trivial"…we'll see, I guess.

Anyway, I thought the Self-Help would be a good division in the forums to start my own thread, 'cause that's what I'm working on doing–learning to help myself.

All my life I've been "looking for love in all the wrong places"–as that old country song goes.  And when I say old, I do mean old!

I'm needing to look UPWARD and INWARD for the love / light / positive regard / self-esteem / self-respect / balance / changes that I need, but it's been a rough road, not having a family behind me, and having been abandoned by a husband to raise children alone.  Made it through that, with the grace of the Lord, and now…they're all grown, and I have this "empty nest"–both in my home, and in my heart.

I have to laugh though, as I look around–it's a cluttered nest more than an empty one–all these papers!!!  I have a hard time letting go of PAPERS.  So many years to sort through, so many memories I don't want to let go of, but need to sort through, and don't want to be triggered by, yet I also wish I didn't feel the burden of these piles and piles of papers.  Duality of thought and will is a big problem of mine.

I've tried Flylady.net to get some help, and I stick with it for a while, but then I fall off the wagon of routines and home blessings, and get discouraged.

In Recovery, we're told, "symptoms interfere with plans" and that is so true for me, with trying any new program or activity.  I have good intentions, but when my nervous symptoms rise, they stop me in my tracks and I sure have a hard time desiring to get going again.

Anyway, back to the cognitive triangle and the awareness wheel…

I'm going to see if it's possible to get a triangle on this page.  Let's see…nope.  I'll try from my Word document on my desktop, then.  Jezzaminit.

Nope again.  Tried to paste in a triangle from a word document; no luck.  Tried to paste in a picture of an awareness wheel.  No luck there, either.

If anyone in AAC can teach me how to put a picture or figure or image in here, I'd appreciate the tutoring…

So…

A cognitive triangle is a triangle with the three points labeled as 1) feelings/sensations; 2) thoughts; and 3) behaviors/actions.

So I'm going to imagine a triangle here:  Λ  (closest I could get!)

here's the top point:  feeling(s)/sensation(s):  headache; hunger

here's the bottom right-hand point:  thought(s): "I really should get something to eat and take a break from being on the computer now."

here's the bottom left-hand point:  behavior(s)/action(s):  ?????

okay, here's where I make my decision to take care of my physical needs, my emotional needs, my social needs, etc.

I'm not going to fill that one in right now because I also want to list the things on the "awareness wheel" and be able to close this post before I make that decision…

An awareness wheel often has five sections, rather than the three in the cognitive triangle.

So an awareness wheel would be in the shape of a circle with five sections, or it could be in the shape of a big flower–I kind of like that-an awareness flower!

The sections or "petals" could have these labels in them (or something close): 1) I sense; 2) I think; 3) I feel; 4) I want; 5) I do…

So, if I were to process or use the awareness "flower" for the same thing I was writing about, above, to make a decision, I would fill in the "petals" with…

1) I sense…hunger and headache coming on

2) I think…I need to eat, and take a break from the computer

3) I feel…duality/divided will/frustration because my mind wants something different from my body

4) I want…both to take a break and eat, AND to keep going.

5) I do (will)…take a break, because past experience tells me that I obsess when I get on the computer and forget about EVERYTHING else, and I know my body needs attention and care and I've promised my body that I WILL take better care of it!!!

because…taking better care of my body adds to a bright and balanced life

…and that's what I want!

Well, bye for now…hope somebody comes to join me here on this thread. It would be nice to work together on this!

Otherwise, it'll just be me…myself…and I.    Well, three's better than one, right?

~ gentle

Thank you, Shining Light!

I read the links you gave me.  Liked the information and also linked to a good article about mindfulness in conflict resolution.

So glad AAC is here.

thanks for being my first pen pal here

bye for now

~ gentle

Awareness

1) I sense…need, inside of me that I can't identify or fill.  I sense…queasiness, inability to sleep soundly…I sense…frantic frustration…I sense…belief in hope, but disconnection and forgetfulness that is keeping me away from it…I sense…need to repair shame…I sense…need to calm body and nervous system primarily…I sense…anxiety that is not always up on the surface…I sense…fear that I have not identified or that I have suppressed.  I sense…queasiness in stomach, weaknes in arms, tension in back, neck, legs, hips…I sense…need for sleep is getting greater but sleep is not improving

2) I think…I really need to get my new medication adjusted, my sleep adjusted, my digestion adjusted.

3)
I feel…sad.

4) I want…help with this but don't know who to ask for help.

5) I do…know that this feels new, and that is part of the fear.  I do…want to feel better and function better.  I do…need more sleep.  I do…wish I could get my schedule and routine in order and make some productive efforts but I feel I am spinning my wheels (I sense…feeling of spinning my wheels–not making progress; being a hamster caught in a wheel; I remember reading that hamsters can get so addicted to running in their wheels that they want to stop but can't and some run until they drop from exhaustion and die, so the owner has to take their wheel away for a while.  Is that what's happening to me?????

——————————

1) I sense…I need to get off this…"hamster wheel" I'm in.

2) I think…it has to do with the other therapy group, my personal therapy, and my home and its needs and my needs within it and my own nervous system and its needs, too.

3) I feel…sick, in my head and in my stomach.  I feel inadequate to fulfil all my responsibilities. I feel…queasy and head-pressured.  I feel…tired, but unable to sleep.

4) I want…to sleep, somehow, and "reset" my self and my life!!!!

5) I do…something, but never get ahead, because I accomplish more slowly than life gives more to face.

Hello Shining Light,

Thank you for your message, suggestions, and encouragement.  Have taken some time to relax with a son and daughter in law and grandbaby and it has helped.  Also working with new medication from doctor.  Still hanging in there.  :)  bye for now.