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3:54 pm
February 19, 2012
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surpass
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I have a boyfriend of about 3 years now. We've always been very rocky. In the back of my mind i've always accused him of using me. I push him away when we fight always accusing him of things. He recently liked a picture on facebook of an old couple. The old lady's chest was sagging and as you would measure a child's progress in length on the wall by marking it. This lady and her husband had been meaasuring her breast's sagging. I lost it and went crazy on him, he didn't understand and said it was a joke.
I had been molested about 2/3 times when i was younger by a very close cousin. He did it while we were all playing games under the blanket then once asking to play with me and sticking his fingers in private areas. This had happened when i was about 8 years old. I ignored it for years and it didn't bother me i never told anyone. I'm now 19 years old and it is surfacing. Recently alot has happened in my life and it's hard to cope with. But i find whenever i am upset or crying this one issue always comes into mind.
My boyfriend has always been the flirtacious type and has made alot of mistakes in the past. So it's not just this. But isthis accident in my past surfacing and causing me to act in ways that are not appropriate? I'm just so lost and i need help.
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7:12 am
February 20, 2012
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onedaythiswillpass
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Thank you for sharing first of all. I think if you are 19 you should first realize that in general men and boys do not mature as quickly as do girls. In fact most men continue to find idiotic things like that facebook thingy funny long into their adult lives for some reason. I am not making a blanket statement. Not all men are like this, but in my general experience (and I am far older than you) these things make them laugh. It's not because they intend to be hurtful to those they love, they seem somehow to deny their reality from time to time. I think, and it's only my experience, that most men find it hard to stay in the moment, particularly where responsibility abounds. They are not as grounded as most women that way. They are not less, they are just different.
So far as your recollection of your abuse goes, I think it would benefit you to do some writing about it and even speak to a counsellor about what happened to you as a child. It will not make it go away, but if you get it out in the open, it might help you have some closure. It sounds like you have some unresolved shame & since you were so young it's important that you deal with this issue as it might affect your future sexual relations in a negative way.
I am not sure if you have or if you want to share your negative experience from your childhood with your boyfriend. That is something you might consider when you journal or speak with a professional.
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4:04 pm
February 20, 2012
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surpass
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Post edited 5:24 pm – February 20, 2012 by surpass
I have told him about it, i love him and i felt he's the only person i should tell. But he like you said proves himself to be awfully immature, since he is still posting and liking things that bug me even today thing's such as "eargasim". About the picture i cried all day yesterday and he just kept saying it was a joke and i have no right since you do this on your fb. And now im crying over this minor eargasim comment on a video he posted. I didn't say anything to him though i dont want to fight but this cant be healthy? It's bugging me so much i can't even talk to him or i dont want any physical or sexual relationship with him atm. i think i can't open up to him in a legitimate way in which he'll understand that this has had a deep impact on me. He just didn't seem to understand that it was a big deal and undermined it. Im just so turned off to him now I don’t want to talk don’t want to listen and I really don’t want any physical relationship with him. I know a lot of guys his age make stupid immature jokes like that I guess I don’t know I thought after I told him it would be in consideration in everything that he does but its not.Guess it didn’t mean as much to him as it did to me, I find my self crying for no reason, being over sensitive, punching holes in walls and just really sad angry and sometimes trying to ignore it and being happy. Do i just leave him and work on my self?
I Just feel so turned off from him esp since I cried and I thought that would tell him how much it bugged me regardless of what I have on my facebook or not. I thought he would be more considerate. I really want
to get help for this but I don’t want to tell my parents what happened then or whats happening now. I don’t want to.
I haven't told anyone other then him about this so i don't want to seek professional counseling this is as far as i would
go. The journal suggestion would i just write down how i am feelling and this would help me cope? I just want to know could this be the reason i don't trust anyone and push everyone away?
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4:34 am
February 21, 2012
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onedaythiswillpass
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The journal would just be for you to be able to reflect and understand things when you are not in the actual moment of feeling what you are feeling. So the anger you feel over something your boyfriend did might not be as intense one week after it happened and you will be able to see how you felt one week before. Also, in writing to yourself, you may find the answer to some of your questions about why his behaviour is bothering you so intensely.
I had not understood fully the magnitude of your anguish over things though. Why do you punch walls? Where is this intense anger coming from? Is it really all from his immaturity or is there something else going on? Is it typical for you to be that aggressive? Were you prone to anger and rage before your relationship with your boyfriend? What does your boyfriend say or do when you punch walls?
Also, you said that you do not trust anyone. Do you trust your boyfriend? Can you tell me when this feeling of not trusting people started and have you told anyone about it?
These two new things about yourself that you have shared change things quite a bit. I know you do not want to talk to your parents, but you must find an anonymous & professional therapist to talk to about these issues. There must be help of that nature where you live and your parents need not even know about it. The therapist will keep your information confidential. Please look into it as soon as possible. Something is really upsetting you and if it has turned into physical rage you need some help or at least someone professional to speak to about it. Hitting walls and feeling so alone that you cannot trust anyone is not a way for you to live a good life.
One Day
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12:26 am
May 25, 2012
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ShiningLight
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surpass,
You need a professional help. It might be best to consult a sexual abuse counselor/therapist. That way, you'll be able to recover from any trauma that the experience had brought to you. Regarding your boyfriend's behavior, maybe he's immature enough to understand your past and what you've been through when you were still a child. Before going deep in your relationship, you need to know each other more deeply. Being aggressive and sensitive in so many things relating to your relatioship is not helpful and practical. You may having a hard dealing with it because of what happened to you before but you need help. Get some support from your family and friends, they can help you the most during this time.
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