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Getting A Marriage Counseling Before Getting Married

UserPost

8:21 pm
January 17, 2011


dtypist

Member

posts 49

Do you think it is alright to have a marriage counseling before getting married? Me and my girlfriend are getting married but we have some differences that we just take for granted. I'm afraid that would result in a bad relationship when that issue is not resolve.

7:17 am
January 18, 2011


Francine

Member

posts 19

It sounds like a great idea to me – there should probably be more of it! If you love each other enough to still want to get married – despite your differences, then surely it's worth trying to understand each other better. Compatibility doesn't always come naturally. Some religions automatically counsel couples who want to et married into their rites – and not only about the rites of that specific religion, but also about the institution of marriage.

Francine

6:24 pm
January 18, 2011


dtypist

Member

posts 49

Thanks for the support Francine. We have the same religion so there is no problem with that. Our differences lies on finances. I'm afraid that if I didn't provide her financial needs then problems will occur. Right now, I earn so much more than her and she often borrows money from me without paying it back. I don't mind about it as I think it is a practice for me when we are already married but what if I become broke or lost my job? God forbid.

7:37 pm
January 18, 2011


Rhyannon

Member

posts 51

I think that it is a great idea! It is better to try to work out differences ahead of time before they become issues that can't be resolved. I wish I would have done this, of course I might not be married now if I had lol!

7:45 pm
January 18, 2011


Alise

Member

posts 53

I have belonged to a couple churches in the past in which the pastor *required* a couple who wished to marry to go through counseling before he would marry them. I think it is a good idea. Congratulations on your upcoming marriage, dtypist!

4:03 am
January 19, 2011


Loretta

Member

posts 50

Pre-marriage counseling is an absolutely wonderful idea and probably should be required.  It's not that anyone should be able to control whether two people are allowed to wed, but a short course to at least try to make the waters smoother than they might otherwise be is a good idea in my book.

9:05 pm
January 19, 2011


dtypist

Member

posts 49

So I guess everyone agree that pre-counseling is good before getting married. How can I convince my partner to have counseling? She might think negatively about this idea. Can you suggest a way to tell her about this?

12:15 pm
January 22, 2011


BettyAnn

Member

posts 49

I would definitely present the idea to her in a positive way. You don't want to go because there are problems now. You want to go to ensure that you have a long and happy marriage and that should be the first priority for both of you. You can also let her know that if there is anything she wants to get out on the table you'll be willing to listen and discuss it openly with the counselor. Good luck and kudos to you for taking the initiative to protect your future marriage :)

5:53 pm
January 22, 2011


Tommy45

Member

posts 49

I can imagine counseling is not the easiest subject to bring up. I agree with BettyAnn about presenting it as a positive idea. You'll probably have more success convincing her to get the counseling with you now than if you waited until you had worse problems.

9:20 am
January 28, 2011


hiddenobject

Member

posts 37

dtypist said:

Do you think it is alright to have a marriage counseling before getting married? Me and my girlfriend are getting married but we have some differences that we just take for granted. I'm afraid that would result in a bad relationship when that issue is not resolve.

 

I will support you on your decison to seek out marriage counseling before getting married. How does your girlfriend feel about marriage counseling before getting married? What do you mean by "some differences"? What specific issue are you afraid of?


5:19 pm
January 28, 2011


freeme

Member

posts 49

It certainly would not hurt if you went to counseling prior to getting married.  I thought most churches did this these days (or maybe it's just a Catholic thing).  You should really try to talk out your differences before getting married, especially if they are on important issues.

4:03 pm
January 29, 2011


AnxietyRUs

Member

posts 49

My wife and I were required to go to counseling before the guy we wanted to perform the ceremony would do it. Actually, I was very surprised that we had as many differences as we did. We talked through a few things before we got married and we haven't had too much trouble when we got married. We've been married going on 30 years and I can safely say, we have worked through a bunch of bad situations with solidarity and to both of our satisfactions.

9:35 pm
January 29, 2011


purplesaber

Member

posts 51

I think it would be a great idea. My friend was required to do that before she got married (she is Catholic). I don't know what happened in her classes, but I imagine that it would help you learn how to work out differences.

6:59 am
January 30, 2011


dtypist

Member

posts 49

I have already answered your question, hiddenobject. You can check the 3rd post of this thread and my explanation for the differences is written there.

 

I haven't told her yet but your support is good enough for me to get the courage I need to tell her about this.

9:44 am
February 7, 2011


hiddenobject

Member

posts 37

dtypist said:

I have already answered your question, hiddenobject. You can check the 3rd post of this thread and my explanation for the differences is written there.

 

I haven't told her yet but your support is good enough for me to get the courage I need to tell her about this.  Hi dytypist. Healthy relationships are based on equality. You described a financial situation where you feel responsible to give$, give$, give$ and your girlfriend feels entitled to take$, take$, take$. Is there any way you two can find a way to change this situation into an equitable one where there is give$ and take$, give$ and take$?


10:51 pm
September 25, 2012


Curtis Baker

Canada

Member

posts 62

Post edited 8:41 pm – June 23, 2013 by ShiningLight


You have taken this right approach. This pre marriage counseling will surely reduce those factors which might affect your relationship. I will suggest all couples to follow this procedure as it will reduce the differences between you and your partner so that you can live a happy life ahead.


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