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Why won't he leave me alone?

UserPost

9:35 am
July 12, 2006


Skigirl

New Member

posts 0

I saw my ex b/f on Saturday. I was on my way to work, and he was going the other way. He saw me and waved, so I was nice and waved back. Then he mouthed "I love you". That really made me mad. Then on Tuesday, he left a message on my phone saying that he wanted me to call him. He just wants to see how I am doing and to please call him back. Then I got home and checked my e-mail and he sent me an e-mail. He told me that he thinks he has figured out what happened in our relationship to make it end. He wants me to call him so we can discuss it. He said he isn't going to beg me to come back, but he isn't going to say goodbye either. Why doesn't he get it? It is OVER! I can't be in a relationship with this man. Why can't he move on and leave me alone? I have no desire to contact him. I can already hear him…"You are so mean. You can't even give me one phone call. That's all I ask, and you can't even give me that." I am sticking to the no contact rule. It is hard because I want to call him and scream at him and tell him to leave me alone, but I know if I do that, I have opened the door that I have already closed, and I don't want to go there again. I am actually having fun being single. I have made new friends and have been doing a lot of fun things. I am finally happy. Why is that so bad? Thanks for letting me vent. You guys are great!

Skigirl

9:39 am
July 12, 2006


readyforachange

Member

posts 6

Manipulation and control. That is what this is all about. He wants to dictate how you behave. He wants to know that he still has control over you, and can make you do what he wants you to do.

Don't give him the satisfaction. You have moved on, you are happy, and having fun. Let him continue to see that, but do not make contact with him. Don't go there…it means he wins, and it is exactly what he wants. He truly just wants the satisfaction of knowing he can still make you do whatever he wants you to do.

Hang in there…you are doing great!

10:35 am
July 12, 2006


nappy

New Member

posts -1

Skigril, the only reason that he is trying to talk with you again is because he see you as ANEW. You wouldn't even have to tell him that you have change because he will see it, if you don't get in contact with him at this time. Then you will see him again and you will look ANEW with him again and if you still standing strong then he is going to change at that instance because you are not the same person as before. Now don't get hook into that same story that you heard before because he will use it, then if you do then you are going to hear that phase" YOU ARE SO MEAN, YOU DON'T DO THIS OR YOU DON'T DO THAT"
And if you are over it then you will be able to walk away with a smile and a thank god!

2:52 pm
July 12, 2006


lollipop3

New Member

posts -1

(((Skigirl))))

Good for you!!!!

I admire your strength and resolve.

I started another thread yesterday called…"this is no dress rehersal"….and I'm happy to see you are living by it.

Take care,
Lolli

3:27 pm
July 12, 2006


2menemen

New Member

posts -1

Oh How I admire you! I only hope that someday I can get to the point where you are. For some reason, I become flattered by my ex's steadfastness in wanting to be my boyfriend again. Why can't I stop doing what you have refrained from doing- "calling him to yell at him"? If I were to be honest with myself I get some pleasure from humiliating him or making him upset to the point where he will want to try harder. Nuts huh? Advice?

8:11 am
July 13, 2006


StronginHim77

Member

posts 453

Maintaining "No Contact" sends the only message these guys understand. Silence says it all. And it tortures them, to boot. Denies them "control." Eliminates any possibility of manipulation on their part. Gives you the FINAL word which is that "You see through them clearly and want nothing to do with them."

Keep it up. You're doing it! Breaking contact is playing right back into their game.

- Strong

8:11 am
July 13, 2006


StronginHim77

Member

posts 453

Maintaining "No Contact" sends the only message these guys understand. Silence says it all. And it tortures them, to boot. Denies them "control." Eliminates any possibility of manipulation on their part. Gives you the FINAL word which is that "You see through them clearly and want nothing to do with them."

Keep it up. You're doing it! Breaking contact is playing right back into their game.

- Strong

11:06 pm
July 13, 2006


smarterone

New Member

posts -1

You can always block his email and number or even more, change yours, i know it is a pain but let that be a last resort. Even a look his way will make him change it into "she still loves me". Sometimes they imagine things, i know, mine did.

11:17 pm
July 13, 2006


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Ski

I am not sure if you ever just point blank told him on email "never contact me by any means again or I will call the cops." The cops once told me to do that. If you are serious about this, that gives you the opportunity to get a restraining order if you REALLY want him out of your life. Only you can decide that.

P&L

9:51 am
July 14, 2006


Skigirl

New Member

posts 0

I broke down and answered the phone the other day when he called. I was very short with him, but he said he just needed to explain something to me. He has been in counseling and has realized some things about his upbringing and that was causing a lot of our problems. He was trying to mold me into something he thought his dad would approve of. His dad has been deceased for 3 years now. He was telling me how to talk, what to wear, how to behave. He didn't like some of the comments that I had made to people. I am a very sarcastic person, but not disrespectful. He even told me that was one reason he fell in love with me, then was trying to change that.

I let him talk, told him a few things that I was still angry about, and at the end of the phone call, we both weren't so bitter. I did tell him that I didn't want to see him. He wants me to call him sometimes just so he knows that I am OK. I think he is still hoping that we will get back together, but I don't want that to happen. I want to move on and concentrate on my family. So, that is what I am going to do.

I feel bad for breaking the no contact rule, but I guess I will just jump back on the wagon and take one day at a time. That's all I can do. I am not perfect and I am not going to beat myself up over it. No where to go but UP!

Skigirl

10:36 am
July 14, 2006


nappy

New Member

posts -1

You didn't do anything wrong by talking to him. If you told him that then he should get the point. As long as you are not beating yourself up then you are ok. I know that it was hard but I guess that is something that we have to do sometime by looking to take care of ourselves then other. At least he told you that he was trying to change you and you know that it wasn't going to work out right. Get going up and may god bless you on your journey of life.

10:37 am
July 14, 2006


nappy

New Member

posts -1

You didn't do anything wrong by talking to him. If you told him that then he should get the point. As long as you are not beating yourself up then you are ok. I know that it was hard but I guess that is something that we have to do sometime by looking to take care of ourselves then other. At least he told you that he was trying to change you and you know that it wasn't going to work out right. Keep going up and may god bless you on your journey of life.

4:02 pm
July 17, 2006


2menemen

New Member

posts -1

You din't give in- – you just pick up (the phone that is). No harm no foul. You're still my hero!! and I;m trying to get to where you are.

9:11 pm
July 17, 2006


dreamer123

New Member

posts -1

I have tried the No Contact thing over and over again. My ex leaves mean notes one week, shows up at my door the next week being nice. When I dont agree to go out, or I dont answer the door, or dont answer the phone or cell phone, he leaves mean messages and the notes start again. The NO contact doesnt seem to send the same message to my ex as it is suppose to , dont know why. Any way, hope you all have better luck than I. This has been going on for 8 months now. He knows I am seeing someone else, I have said very very bluntly, I dont want any kind of relationship with him and he still never truly goes away. Never!!! Drives me nuts.

9:40 pm
July 17, 2006


Honolulugal

New Member

posts -1

Oh, dreamer,

I know how you feel. My ex-ex chased me for 7 YEARS and has only this year appeared to give up.

He was more resilient than most, but in the end he got it.

It helps that he moved back to New York, but the phone calls never ended. I maintained NC the whole time, even when friends told me to talk to him and that he needed closure. Again, the shotgun and the shovel would have worked very well.

Maintain, girl, it's the best advice ever. He'll only believe you when YOU believe you. No contact at all, even when he shows up (ickkk!)

H-gal


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