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why does her past bother me and why do i use it to hurt her

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3:27 pm
April 27, 2002


New Member

posts -1

my girlfriend and i have been together for about a year now. we have lived together for 7 months. all this time and i still cant get over the fact that she is only 19 and has slept with 14 guys before me. she lost her virginity when she was 13. i'm 18 and she is my first. i can't stop thinking about her with all those other guys. the problem is i know who a lot of them are and they are really scuzzy losers. then i think about her having sex with people like that and it drives me crazy. most of the time our relationship is awsome but once in a while i start thinking about her past and she can tell. i get quiet and wont talk to her and she will get upset and cry. i know she has problems because she was sexually and mentally abused by her father. she is very clingy to me and is always worried about pleasing me. she doesn't hang out with her friends any more and just always wants to be with me. what can i do to help my self and her so we dont hurt eachother anymore?

4:46 pm
April 27, 2002


New Member

posts -1

honor your intuition. Some of it is a message, like fire is hot, and it might burn. You both are very young. Her abuse is part of the possible reason for her sexual activity prior to your meeting. Celebrate her honesty, however, beware, women who have been sexualy abused do need to work through some issues, which is part of her clinging. I would strongly suggest that she seek some sort of counseling, and you definately back off with your insecurities, and fear. You both are way young, way to early to be in a relationship with such a tough start, and definately not ready to take on the responsibility of children, which in a way is most likely what she is clinging to you for, the family she never had. Please take a step back, look at the karma you are creating, and the karma that brought you together. Be gentle, be safe, be careful

6:53 pm
April 27, 2002


New Member

posts -1

God, that was soooo good. — Listen to molly, shawn. You heard some wisdom there. Bit o therapy might not be hurtful for you either. — People have sex w/ other people. Try to focus on the fact that she isn't having sex w/ anyone but you since she met you. See yourself about your own insecurities and where they come from, what you can do to lessen them. Good luck to you and your significant other. Most of all, be careful w/ each other.

12:03 pm
April 28, 2002


New Member

posts -1

Ditto!! Abuse comes in many forms. Your girlfriend may be clingy for a long time. Encourage her. That may allow her to trust herself by feeling that trust from you. Please don't hold the past against her. You can't change the past. But you can affect your future.

Talk with a counselor.

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