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Why do people kick you when you're down?

UserPost

11:27 pm
February 1, 2008


alien

New Member

posts -1

?

1:28 am
February 2, 2008


Guest

posts

((((alien))))

There you are, my friend! I've missed you.

Sorry if you've been feeling that someone is kicking you when you're down. I would guess different people have different reasons for doing that, based on their own story.

You want to talk about it some more? Or just drop into the kitchen for some komfort food? I guarantee there is a no-kicking policy in the kitchen, and I will enforce it to the best of my ability.

kisses (and no kicks) from kroiks

10:50 am
February 2, 2008


alien

New Member

posts -1

Thank you (((((Kroika)))))

I missed you too. Thanks for your kindness, really. I know you are rooting for me, and it helps my world a lot! I wish i could change my name here, cause i am trying to not be an alien, but i guess i wasn't to brilliant when i chose that name…I just was wondering in general why people who are down often have a hard time finding help getting up. I guess there is a different reason behind each scenario…I have been going through this a lot this past year( the hardest year of my life), but i know it isn't just me. I see it happen to others aswell. I wonder if it is because when someone is attempting to replace their darkness with light, that the powers of the dark try to sabotage this attempt?! I believe there are forces of good and evil in the world, and i guess i am wondering if this is maybe why it happens. I don't know. I clearly lack understanding on this matter. I come in peace. I am in need of support at this time. I am a kind person, with good intentions. Yet i have a terrible time in my life finding people who will be kind to me. It's not because i have hurt people and therefore i get treated harshly, really. But i am obviously going about seeking support in a way that is not effective. I was just hoping to get some insight here. Please, can anyone help me understand how to be worthy of kindness and support. Honesty is welcome. Perhaps it is clear to others what is causing people to not want to help me? I am trying to believe that i am worthy…but i feel like most of the people i encounter keep telling me in one way or another that i am not. It is hard to heal when i feel this way. Just was praying that i could get some insight. I am quite afraid right now, and i don't feel i can fight my battle without more help. I have been seeing a therapist twice a week for almost a month, and have a sponsor i am regularily in touch with to help me stay clean, and will be starting a 15 week intensive rehab in a couple of weeks. But still, day to day i am hanging by a tiny knot at the end of a fragile thread. I am in a lot of pain. I just hope to find kindness, that is all. I am not by the way negating the people who have been kind to me here, there are a few, and i am truely grateful for them. Just that more often than not i feel like people want me to be gone. It's hard to stay somewhere when you don't feel welcome. I feel like this planet doesn't welcome me. :( I feel i have a lot of good things i can contribute to this world, and i want to. But the message i keep hearing, is "we don't want you here". I would like to turn this around. Anyways, my best wishes wishes go out to every single person here, very sincerely.

Kroika, i think of you everytime i watch the beloved Mr. Mercer on 'This Hour has 22 mins', he makes me smile, and so do you. I'll see if i can manage to pop by the kitchen for a snack sometime soon. I really appreciate you beaucoup! Merci encore.

11:04 am
February 2, 2008


horsefly

this is off….be on this forum for years….not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone….

Member

posts 3

(((((Alien))))) Its me and you know I am not going to kick you down. You can trust me on that one. I know what it feels like sometimes……people just don't hear me here in the real world. Sometimes it feels like they care some but if it is a effort to listen to me then they really don't care that much. It has happened with doctors, family and friends. The result is I feel alone and have decided to not ask for help or anything……but it has made me stronger thru my darker moments. This site helps me not feel so alone at times but there is a balance for me here too. Because I tend to escape here and I really need to be out trying to be around people more……..but I get bothered going to krogers………..or anywhere…….to me those people are Aliens to me. You are truly wanted here and I am so glad you are back, Love, superfly

11:26 am
February 2, 2008


alien

New Member

posts -1

Thanks very much ((((Superfly))))! I tried to do it on my own too, but things got too much for me to handle, so i reached out. But i believe that ultimately, we need to meditate and find our way to our own intuition….but i panick a lot and can't always calm down enough to be safely alone with myself…i hope i can be independent of needing anyone elses support soon, but i humbly admit that at this time, i really can't go at it alone, i really really wish i could though, as i loathe to be this vulnerable. Your frienship really helps me, FLY!

12:43 pm
February 2, 2008


bevdee

Member

posts 254

Alien!!

Good to see you here, gorgeous!!

Do you know — La seule personne qui peut faire vous vous sentez mauvais de vous vous est?

1:35 pm
February 2, 2008


alien

New Member

posts -1

(((La jolie Bevdee)))

Moi!? Je suis la seule personne qui peut me faire mal? I am happy to see you. Thanks. Um, not to seem rude for those that can't speak french. We like to speak snippits of it sometimes for fun. Is it only me that can really make me feel bad? I get that people can only hurt us if we give them permission to, so to speak. Is that what you are saying? But i don't know how to put that into practice. If someone says something to me with the intention to hurt me, i don't know how to block the injury. Does that make sense? My mind is full of these ideas of how to get my power back and keep it, yet, i am such a very easily wounded person. I am seeing a therapist now to see if that can help me apply these things i think i know, but that don't seem to work for me…yet… Sometimes, the very slightest insult can send me way down, and a major attack threatens me completely. Thus, i am a major agoraphobic and a big isolator. I need to get out, and up, and to learn to live somehow. I have only ever survived. And i am at the point where all the effort it takes to mearly survive, is just not worth it, you know. So much effort each day to just make it to the next depressing, disfunctional, painful day. Will therapy help me understand how to get up and get it right? I hope it does, because my "life" right now is not worth the effort. But i am putting in more effort now than i can even believe i have. Like my last push with all i have to birth myself, and my fingers are crossed that i will pop out this time. I guess i just want someone to assure me that it can be done, even when we don't see how it is possible. Please someone tell me there is hope. I feel blidfolded in a labarynth full of demons or something, and i know there is a way out, but the odds of finding my way seem so stacked against me. However, i must admit, that you guys who have responded to me so nicely, have given me some faith already, like nightvision. Thank you so, so very much. It kinda actually tickles me inside. :) Thanks Bevdee. Est ce que c'est ca que vous disait?

2:11 pm
February 2, 2008


horsefly

this is off….be on this forum for years….not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone….

Member

posts 3

Alien, I have been doing "a little" thinking. While I was out for awhile risking my neck in traffic. There is hope with people…..I had to have them help me. So I am happy to say I could not have made it this far in my journey without them……..I think for me is that now I need to be on my own two feet again……and I will I hope soon. I do hope you try to hang with the people that you have to help …….because you need not be alone…..when you try to change your life…….Love, superhorse

2:22 pm
February 2, 2008


bevdee

Member

posts 254

Mamozelle Alien,

Vous êtes un petit grille-pain courageux!!

I think a good thought to keep in mind at this site, is not that you have entered a room of therapists, but you have entered a room with people who are in therapy, have been, or might ought to consider it. The difference is that a therapist should not bring her/his issues into the office, but at this site, we do. Each person offers from their own perspective and range of experiences, and all are at different phases in recovery from their own wounds. So, I think it's best not to internalise all of what is said, or consider views contrary to my own as wounds.

And really, it's not a bad idea to keep that in mind in our physical world. I used to assume that everyone else had it together, because they didn't broadcast their woes. I automatically assumed that I was the defective one, and I was being judged by those who weren't as defective as me. (which was everyone, because I judged myself so harshly).

I completely understand feeling kicked. Not so long ago, sometimes a comment could have been made to me, passed through my filter of perceptions about myself, became criticism in my mind, then evolve to echo my own worst fears about myself, and I would feel wounded by the person who made the innocuous comment.

But it was me. I allowed the reinforcement of my low self-opinion.

You have recently rehabbed? You have much more difficult hurdles than those of us who aren't dealing with that. Keep up the good work of seeeing your therapist, keeping in touch with your sponsor and support groups, and writing out your feelings.

By the way, vous êtes humain!!

2:45 pm
February 2, 2008


horsefly

this is off….be on this forum for years….not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone….

Member

posts 3

Dang (((Bevee)) Not sure what is is about you but you always pull my heart strings…….I think you have said alot of good things here….I know I have said before not to interrupt others post but this time I had to…….Thanks, horsefly

2:52 pm
February 2, 2008


MsGuided

Golden Horseshoe.ca

Member

posts 104

hear hear ((Bevdee)) missed you BTW.

3:01 pm
February 2, 2008


Codi202

New Member

posts -1

I looked that up and something came up about "bullying"

I think that may be right on.

3:10 pm
February 2, 2008


horsefly

this is off….be on this forum for years….not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone….

Member

posts 3

I guess sometimes we stay in our comfort Zone until we move on. Then we get less and less comfortable about it. horsefly

3:20 pm
February 2, 2008


CAMER

Member

posts 100

((alien))) honey, its so good to see you posting…and yes, people like to kick you when your down, it makes them feel better about themselves, and yes, I beleive that some people just are not nice, and have mean streaks in them, maybe taken over by the devil or something.

You know you are a great gal, doing your best, and that's all that matters. Sometimes life throws us challenges, and we get knocked down, thrown, tossed, and get right back up, I guess take the good with the bad.

I am so glad to see you posting & know you are loved & cared for by so many of us here!!!! (((camer)))

3:42 pm
February 2, 2008


alien

New Member

posts -1

Hi Codi and MsGuided!

I am thinking bullying too here. People can pick out someone who will easily fall, and they want to see that they have the power to fall people. I have a history of being bullied since i was little. I am quite tiny, and stand out big time for many reasons…easy target i guess. Family abuse aside. I do not often exude power, and am often randomly bullied even now as an 'adult'. I am guilty of perceiving comments as attacks when maybe they are not. But that is because i do in fact get attacked in real life often, from those i know and strangers too. I have come to assume that is my fate, so it's hard to not be paranoid that that is what is always happening. Anyways, yes Bevdee, it's true i do tend to let people who actually deffinately are attacking me and those attacks that are merely my miss perceptions, add on as more evidence to what i have come to believe is true, that i am a person that is not worth much. I guess if i did not struggle with low self esteem, things would just roll off my back. I hope to be there sooner than later. I know i shouldn't take things personally. That if people are not nice, it's about them not me. But still, like when my "friend" said to me (he was far from sober) to just kill myself already, well, that comment made me really want to. He knew that it would..Maybe if i were healthier, i would have gotten angry at him, instead of more depressed about me. Yet… Anyways, um, ya i just lost my brain power here…Thanks for the encouragement etc… Hey, my therapist suggested i read any or all books by Alice Miller. Has anybody hear of her? To end this on a good note, i feel much better for having posted. I was feeling urges to push down my feelings, cravings…though it felt very risky, i do feel better. Thanks everyone. I am thinking of going to buy a book by that author today. Thanks, thank you and thanks again for helping me today! Love from human

3:46 pm
February 2, 2008


red blonde

New Member

posts -1

(((((((alien))))))

You and I must be feeling the same things right now.

It is so hard for me to ask others for help even with something trivial. Even on the site. My therapist says that I am too hard on myself. It is hard when I have helped others all my life, taken care of them and helped them with their problems only to have them disappear when I am in a bad way…especially emotionally. I really felt like ending it all at 5 this morning.

I have felt that there is no hope as well…

3:46 pm
February 2, 2008


alien

New Member

posts -1

Hi ((((((((camer)))))))))

Cross posted. THANKS!!!! You have always been so wonderful! Thank you so much for your understanding and very very kind words my friend! I savour them!!!! yes, so far today, there has only been good to take, and no bad! Maybe i should just stay put today and have a day of all good. :) I just love you! I hope you are doing well, i sure really do. Thank you!!!

3:48 pm
February 2, 2008


horsefly

this is off….be on this forum for years….not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone….

Member

posts 3

(((((Red)))) (((((Humanoid))) I care…superfly

3:55 pm
February 2, 2008


red blonde

New Member

posts -1

((((alien))))

Last night my computer was frustrating me to no end. I couldn't IM, email, get on the site…didn't know if it was my computer, my server, Windows….or just stupid old me. Just about tore my hair out and was crying!

Everything with computer seems fine now….must have 'fixed' itself after I went to bed.

Yes, there is good and evil in this world…and I need to learn to set boundaries, courage and self confidence …. and stop being so hard on myself. I am my worst enemy, sometimes. Maybe that is why some people have said that I am a 'paradox'. Wish I had chosen that as my nick name…maybe I am going to sign my posts that way.

Paradox (aka Rouge!)

3:56 pm
February 2, 2008


alien

New Member

posts -1

(((((((ROUGE)))))) cross posted, must be rush hour… I am so happy to see you. Yes, i guess we are feeling kinda the same. I have felt like ending it all too, often, intensely. Let's not though, okay! Thankfully my therapist is encouraging me to try to channel all of that into my art work. It makes sence. That way i can express myself without having to communicate, at any given time. I have wondered many times how you are and how your clutter and artistic ways are unfolding…Please, please stick around!!! And if and when you feel like it, please do let me know about where your mind is at with the art thing. I think if i did not create, i would be in big trouble here. Sorry to hear you are so low rouge, i really am. I have wanted to communicate with you lots of times. I hope we can find a time when it feels good for us to connect again… I very much appreciated that late night we spent together…I am so rooting for you!!! Please be okay! Thank you so much for being here!

4:49 pm
February 2, 2008


red blonde

New Member

posts -1

(((((alien)))))

Just have been in a funk the last week or so…more than usual. Hmmm, I wonder if lactose intolerance also causes depression or increases it…lol.

Been trying to make some decisions for myself, about my life, and I find it to be very difficult and confusing and frustrating and …. scary….that it has more or less made me feel 'paralyzed' into doing … nothing – but 'existing'. I have always been yelled at or criticized so harshly or told I was 'wrong' by others – especially my mother and my former xs – and usually talked into doing what THEY wanted to do or have me do, that I am not confident enough to make decisions on my own anymore. I could run to my first love for help, but I won't and don't want to do that. I want to do it for myself.. My thoughts are all confused at the moment and sometimes I don't know if I am making any sense at all…that is also scaring me. I don't want to run to him to 'fix' things for me. Perhaps I am just trying to find 'me' to fix 'me'. I haven't touched a paint brush in weeks.

The funk has been kind of deep lately.

((((alien))))

5:06 pm
February 2, 2008


Codi202

New Member

posts -1

Its very important that you don't take it personally, honey.

Don't believe that you are an alian on this planet. "They" are human, just like you. Their behavior is "nasty". Read "nasty people" and about people who "invalidate" and all that stuff. THEY have an evil streek and find something like control or abuse something to take sport in.

Learn about bullying and how to cope.
You need to work on you, Alien.
You cannot change them remember.
You need to work on you — to build you up.
To feel stronger. To know its okay to be okay…
and all.

Many hugs (((alian))).

6:22 pm
February 2, 2008


netsirk

New Member

posts -1

alien nice to see ya again. I can identify with you completely. It is always at my lowest times that I get kicked even lower. The last few weeks I have hit new lows and I can not seem to pull myself up by the boot straps so to speak. And in that time I have been brought lower and lower by family and even friends.

I'm glad to see you stopped by.

6:24 pm
February 2, 2008


Codi202

New Member

posts -1

(((Netsirk))) Talk to us.

(((Alian))) we are here for you.

8:28 pm
February 2, 2008


alien

New Member

posts -1

Hey thanks a lot (((Codi)))! Thanks for helping me today! You are sweet.

(((netsirk))) Hi there. Sorry that you can relate, it's just awful. I think about you a lot and i root for you, just so you know….i really hope things start to get better for you soon. I'm pretty out of it right now, gotta crash. May tomorrow be better than today. Warm wishes Netsirk.

(((Paradox))), Hang in there okay. I hope to connect again soon.


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