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Why do people break up without saying goodbye?

UserPost

7:33 pm
April 1, 2005


on my way

New Member

posts -1

Why do guys …sorry to be gender specific, but I want to understand if possible…why would a man leave a dating relationship without ever really saying goodbye, and then stays in touch once in awhile? Does anyone have any ideas besides the one that is negative..he is a player? Can you help to dig this one out?

7:38 pm
April 1, 2005


raissa

New Member

posts -1

Personally I think they just want to have a back up plan……

7:43 pm
April 1, 2005


on my way

New Member

posts -1

hi raissa,
are you talking about having reserves, as a few in the back ground in case one does not work out?

7:44 pm
April 1, 2005


raissa

New Member

posts -1

Yep!! You nail that one, the sad thing is that we let them…

7:48 pm
April 1, 2005


on my way

New Member

posts -1

good point!! so why do you think we do that? I think it is so shallow if a guy does this, I don't have much respect for them…
so how do we fight for them if we have too? Because sometimes it is necessary, but cannot be done distastefully but tactfully…I am facing this to some degree..do not know where to go from here. My instinct says wait, my emotions say DO SOMETHING!! Friends say DO SOMETHING!! And amidst it all I pray, but I still do not know if sitting still is the answer…oh well, hate to give up so easily.

7:52 pm
April 1, 2005


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

It is so bizarre because my therapist brought this up in respect to my ex just yesterday! She said she believes it's because they don't want to "deal" with the issues that led to the split.

With regard to my ex-"wife," I whole-heartedly agree!

Love,

Ren'ai

7:53 pm
April 1, 2005


raissa

New Member

posts -1

Have you ever heard that saying"what is your is yours"
My fiance and I broke up 9 Yaers ago becouse of another person involve, and after he went out there tested the waters believe or not he hunted me down and married me just last month.
I guess what I am traying to tell you is love yourself and have pride in yourself let him come to you, Remember this is only one opinion you have to do what makes you happy.

7:54 pm
April 1, 2005


on my way

New Member

posts -1

true…so then we re-evaluate what we need and want. Have a good weekend everyone, hope my computer is working this weekend.

8:01 pm
April 1, 2005


on my way

New Member

posts -1

raissa, we must have posted at the same time..my reply was to Re'nai…but thank you…this same mesg keeps coming back to me..and it helps, as one day I will believe it…

8:09 pm
April 1, 2005


raissa

New Member

posts -1

Good luck and get some rest it always help.

11:00 pm
April 1, 2005


sdesigns

Member

posts 30

Here's what I think (my experience)- because they are cowards and because once they decide to move on, thats all they care about- the next one. It makes it pretty clear that they thought very little of you (meaning me) in the first place, leaving and not even telling you they were going. Like you're not even worth a break up. And for keeping in touch? When they have a dry spell and aren't being very successful in getting new ones, they may try some of the old ones in a pinch. But they do this w/ high warmth but very low intentions- they want something and you know what that is. Yep they are players. Sorry I only know about the negative reasons. SD

11:11 pm
April 1, 2005


on my way

New Member

posts -1

I think you are probably right SD, in this respect.

4:52 am
April 6, 2005


easier_to_run

New Member

posts -1

I don't totally agree with SD but I do understand why you would think that.

I recently got into a relationship with a lovely girl and as much as I thought I loved her, and still think I do, the whole relationship was a way for me to not have to deal with my own issues (especially CoD).

I had just taking time out of a 3 year relationship in which I cancelled my wedding and decided I needed to heal before I could have a healthy relationship with the woman I love and wanted to spend my life with.

However when it came down to it, I panicked and instead of using the time alone to myself to heal and start dealing with my issues, I started a new relationship with someone I could care for and look after therefore avoiding dealing with myself completely.

So I lived this alternate reality, completely avoiding my past, my other girlfriend and all the problems I was having. This new relationship seemed perfect. I was 'happy', no worries at all. But it would never last because i would never commit to anything long term with her. I couldn't. Because I knew the person I was supposed to be with was waiting for me, supporting me and I was not holding up my end of the deal.

Whether I intentionally allowed it or not my girfriend found out I was seeing this new girl. She was obviously angry and upset and felt betrayed. And so she should. That really woke me up, how could I be hurting her more when all she wants to do is love me and be loved?

So I broke it off with the new girl instantly, but badly. No explanation, no reasons or excuses. And she was very hurt. I feel awful about it as I do care for her. And worse, I see her every day. There is no contact between us and I just wish I could explain but how do I? I physically and emotionally couldn't deal with the situation at the time and although she deserved so much more I was unable to give it to her.

This could read as some almighty excuse but just to say not all men are players and there is so much more it could be.

"Codependent emotions and actions are designed to blunt pain and gain a desperately needed sense of worth. The problem with codependent behaviour is that it yeilds only short term solutions which ultimately cause more pain" – Pat Springle author of Codependency

2:32 pm
April 6, 2005


kathygy

New Member

posts -1

Its the easy way out. These men lack the courage and caring to do the right thing.


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