You must be logged in to post Login Register


Register? | Lost Your Password?

Search Forums:


 






Wildcard Usage:
*    matches any number of characters
%    matches exactly one character

Why do mothers hate their daughters?

UserPost

3:48 pm
August 27, 2007


forgottenone

New Member

posts -1

i feel that my mother has hated me my whole life. She is rejecting and critical. I feel she only showed me affection when I was little when she needed attention, but was not there for me when I needed it. She told my brother to beat me up if I bothered him. Whenever her and my father went out on weekends I was babysat by my sister who was 20 years older than me.

My sister admits now to being jealous of me because she thought I had an easier life than her, so she would yell at me for various things but my brother was always treated like a king and told that because he was a boy and my mother's only son, that he was special.

She treats me like I'm stupid and can't do anything for myself even though I am 27 and a college graduate and have always been a responsible person.

She hasn't spoken to me for 2 weeks, I have no idea why, and now she calls me at work to say "come straight after work. I have to talk to you."

She does this about once a year. Now I have to sit at work all day and wonder what's wrong, then she'll yell at me and tell me what a bad daughter I am, and then after 2 hours of me crying, we'll make up. I'm sick of it.

Now that I'm an adult, I see the affect she's had on me. My performance reviews at worse say things like that I have poor communication skills, I take things too personally, and I sometimes have a hard time making decisions. Even though I know I am smart, I feel she has affected the way my brain works.

my mom has all these issues because she was abandoned when she was little. Shoudlnt' she want me to have a happier life?

3:49 pm
August 27, 2007


forgottenone

New Member

posts -1

whoops – typo

I meant to write my performance review at WORK

4:01 pm
August 27, 2007


_anonymous

Member

posts 8

The good news is you can take classes to learn things that your mom didnt teach you. Like classes in communication. If you were criticized a lot growing up it will cause you to feel sensitive and having no power of the one cricizing you. I think they have classes on how to be more assertive for that. When you gain confidence you will find it easier to stand up for what you belive in. Since you are intelligent you should get alot out of re-educating yourself. I had a very emotionally improvished back ground and the only thing that saved me was graduating high school at the age of 16 and going to college and working. I had a hard way to go. But was persistent and overcame quite a bit. Still cant stand criticism though. Glad you were smart enought to recognize the problem because that is the first step in solving it. My adult daughter blames me for everything. She did have it rough growing up and I have been trying to make it up to her. But we all try our best. Maybe this means that you will go on to be the most assertive communicator ever. At least thats what I think.

4:09 pm
August 27, 2007


sdesigns

Member

posts 30

Hi forgottenone:

I sure do know what you're talking about. My Mom was adopted and she never got over that.

I don't know why she had children other than to have her own captive group of people to hate. She was mean til the day she died, and I am still finding out hateful things she did towards me and my sister, even after she is dead.

As you said, and I agree- its because they were abandoned when young, and they never learned how to deal with it. So instead of being able to love those who need it most and deserved it- their children- they take out their own anger on them.

I am so sorry you are experiencing it. Its a hard pill to swallow. I knew at a very young age that something was wrong with our family and could never quite pin it down. I saw my friends and their mothers and was always so envious. It was obvious their mothers loved them, and I could never figure out why treated me the way she did. I became an overachiever trying to attract some positive attention and earn the love I wasn't getting. No matter how hard I tried, I never got it.

Now that I think I understand it doesn't make it any easier. It has affected my own personality and my ability to love and give love. I am very guarded and don't trust people because I was taught that the people you love are the ones who will hurt you.

Again, so sorry you affected by this.

As to your question as to whether she would want you to have a happier life- I always thought my mother was jealous of me and tried to tear me dwon at every opportunity. I worked my a$$ off to accomplish things and have managed to make a decent life for myself although I am alone. I think she resented it because I did despite her efforts to critcize me and make me feel small.

All I can say is to try not to listen to her. Listen to your own heart and mind and know that you are capable of a nice life, you are not the things she says, and just realize she is saying it because she is miserable. for some reason they think they can behave that way towards their children- strangers and /or friends wouldn't stick around for the abuse.

SD

5:17 pm
August 27, 2007


lost lady72

New Member

posts -1

forgottenone
What to say I thought mine was one of the worst.
I think it’s because they didn't get their own way as children… All this madness is manipulation and I for one am sick of it.

I haven’t seen or spoken to her in weeks I only have one other sister living in the country and it’s so hard. The last time I spoke to her she told me she was getting my dad’s dog put down as she was going away. I suggested other routs as my Dad passed away and he loved the dog. Basically I was told that I would need three hundred quid and before tomorrow lunch time or the dog was gone. She left and I went to every dogs home I could find every kennel no dog. That was six weeks ago then I found out she gave the dog to a cousin. I found out today that the dog supposedly ran away the week after. She is so capable of lying about the whole situation I do not know what the truth is.

My point is I have never been happier (except for the dog) because I’m not dealing with her every day guilt and manipulation. I feel sad for her now she’s on her own but she made that choice and now I’ve finally after years of mental abuse made mine.
My sister who is softer than I am believe it or not is 12 weeks without speaking to her. She ruined any social event we ever had I have always been scared of her.

My mother would do anything to get attention, starve, make herself sick, stay in bed for months, call our bluff at suicide, run away from home(not me her), fight with my father because she was jealous of our relationship with him and so much more.

GET away from her she cannot control you, upset you or manipulate you if you do not see her or take her calls. Stop leaving her control your life mine is a class A bi%&h. I would love a mother type mother but I rather have none.

I know at some stage this will have to come to a head but the space has given me the strength to say, I’m not taking your crap anymore.

Thanks for leaving me rant, wow didn’t realise that was brewing but get some space lovie. If she’s not talking to you enjoy it because when she does you only feel worse.

LL

8:27 pm
August 27, 2007


Rasputin

New Member

posts 0

FO~

Oh how much I can relate. My mom lost her dad when she was a kid. She was the youngest kid in a big family. Her mother tried to abort her when she got pregnant but failed. Then her dad died when she was a lil kid. Her unmarried religious auntie took her together with her older sister abroad to take care of her then she married them off.

As you may notice, our parents did not have an easy life. Mine was really difficult. I don't look like my mother and I could feel my mom's indifference toward me and her favourtism toward my younger sister who lookeed liked her. As I child, that broke my heart. But I learned that life was not fair.

In my healing journey, the 1st people I had to forgive were my parents, siblings and family members. It was the most difficult step in my recovery; yet the most Liberating. I really felt that I've been set free from prison.

Nowadays, I have very good relationship with my parents. I hope and pray hon that you will experience the peace, reconciliation and good rapport I have with my parents. We really need to break the cycle of abuse, otherwise it would continue to fester and grow like cancer from generation to generation.

10:14 am
August 28, 2007


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Wow, I could of written that myself and it would of matched my life experiences. A mean controlling jealous mother, a sslfish mean sister who also was jealous and controlling, a brother who was feared and was allowed to whatever he please, out of fear he might hurt someone and a dad who was in his own world and mind and never really wanted to be married I suspect.

I couldn't take it anymore, I had estranged myself, the thing I think that made it able to come to terms was the revealing of abuse from the family and church and what I had suspected for so long to be true and my mother almost shooting my sister and I. I think I had enough that a person could take and that is why it was so easy for me to finally break away, leave no addy and finally break free of the craziness.

I wondered my whole life why my mother hated me…I was the other woman and did not know it. I had no idea and it took me half a lifetime to see why she hated me so much…I know my situation is different probably but I wanted to share it nevertheless. Be well and take care of you!

11:12 am
August 28, 2007


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

One more note here…

I too take things very personally but not as bad as I used too. I have learned that people can pick me out of crowd and bully me cause I have been hurt and am wounded.

I never been able to have a healthy relationship with other women, esp those of my own age, always was alone in a crowd, singled out and hurt and picked on…it begins at home when you young, you learn its ok for others to bully you.

Just wanted to add this in here.

11:39 am
August 28, 2007


openup

New Member

posts -1

What we learn as a child we learn as "truth" because we don't have anything else to compare it to and because the ones "teaching" us are ones we have to trust on some level.

As an adult, we have the choice to not only learn new things, but also to UN-learn or see things learned as a child with the wisdom of adult experience and logic.

You have the right to be happy regardless of what you "learned" as a child. Your mother may not have learned that yet. You must realize that you know something she doesn't and work from there. We're never finished learning until the moment we die. Learn to be happy, no matter what it takes.

1:24 pm
August 28, 2007


forgottenone

New Member

posts -1

thanks, basically my mother said a bunch of conflicting stuff about how she decided she would be done with me beacuse i accused her of being critical to me when I said something to her 2 weeks ago.

I'm always on the defensive with her because she has always been critical. My mom laughed in my face when I cancelled my wedding last year, has called me fat, mentally ill, retarded, etc.

ANd she spent the whole weekend with my sister badmouthing me, and I think my sister was just so glad to have attention from her that she backstabbed me and told my mom things I said about her and my brother.

I feel all alone in the world.

My whole life I feel like somethign has been wrong with me, and other people knew what it was and were all laughing at me.

1:35 pm
August 28, 2007


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

No, its not you here, its them. When you do get to the point of seeing that your see the whole world is not laughing at you here. I know, I spent my whole life with people like them and for a very long time, thought it was me, it never was and its not you either.

As far as being alone, you got alot of company in that dept, but you know what?? Your not, sadly alot of us feel alone in life, this is all too common and often times its pushed under the rug for the name sake of the family or just tolerated, but it will never get better, people like that don't usually change, but you can do things to help you and yours, if you want too that is.

1:39 pm
August 28, 2007


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

I had to cut my entire family off in order to be safe and not allow them to abuse my child and ruin her life…no addy, no email, no nothing..ever since we been happy, living in peace and a whole lot healthier. If I hadn't done this, she and the rest would of been making me pay for bringing up abuse issues and etc and I might even be dead by now. At 42 yrs I finally got it and took control of MY life.

9:04 pm
August 28, 2007


bonni

New Member

posts -1

Dear ForgottenOne,
It isn't you that she despises, it is herself. You are an amazing individual with your whole life ahead of you. I know that you want a different kind of mother and that is the mother you have to be to yourself.

What I see is that your mom is filled with bitterness and anger and her behavior is shaped by misguided beliefs about how to parent. She is imperfect and you cannot change her.

Mothering is the most difficult job in the world, and one that none of us are truly prepared to do. To excel as a mother, you can end up truly failing your children because you get more focused on being perceived as a great mother. To do right by our children, we must sacrifice our own selves to some extent so we put our children's best interests first. But if you err too far there, you create narcissists. Its tough. Even tougher for your mom, because she's failed the most important parenting task, which is to create a safe nurturing nest for her babies. She appears to be so damaged as a person that she isn't up to even the basic parenting tasks.

And, it is very likely too late for her to undo the damage. The first step would be for her to figure out her own damage and heal herself.

You are at that age where you are beginning to see that your mother is a real, flawed human being. The only control she has over you is the control that you permit her.

She has done damage. But not so much that you can't see it. I can tell from your writing that you are a strong young woman. Probably pretty much amazing, given her pathetic attempts to reconcile. Those fights she picks are the only way she can be close to you. That's all she knows. Sad, really.

What's not sad is that you are young and capable and you have the power to give yourself the love your mother was never capable of giving. that she loves you, I am sure of. that she is scared of you, jealous of you, in awe of you is clear in her immature response to you.

Its not you, its her. She would do better, if she knew better. You cant help her be a better parent. You can accept her flaws and failure and begin to repair the damage and commit to being parent both to yourself and your future kids.

bonni

7:15 am
August 29, 2007


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

My opinion on the matter here, my experiences with evil.

Mind games, you will start to blame yourself everytime, it can't be her!
That dirty look, you know your in trouble and she uses it to terroize you with.
Calling you a whore and other controlling and demeaning names, keeps you in place, paralyzed.
Belittling you but will say well I am only trying to help you
hateful to everyone around ( but can also be very charming when the situation calls for it.
Very religious, God will be on her side.
Kind to everyone else and can go back and forth to confuse you.
Generous to everyone but very stingy with you.

Dangerous people..flee from them while you can or you will end up emotionally crippled and wounded and so will your children. They are poisoness people. If they have weapons, run far from them, it doesn't matter if they are related to you or not! I used to think my mother could not help it, I used to make excuses for her, not anymore.

5:53 pm
August 30, 2007


lost lady72

New Member

posts -1

Survivorofabuse,
I have to sadly agree with you on this one, I cannot make her love me the way a mother should,If she hates me I can't help it, she made me. I will love her anyway secretly but now it just makes me sad that my mother is alone because she can't get over herself. So much time wasted so many events lost to us.

There is life after your mother not showing love in a conventional way……I am proof, I can't help her.. today is her birthday, i didn't call, i called yesterady she never called back>> she hates me? maybe! I can't change that..

LL

6:46 pm
August 30, 2007


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hey,

I used to call my mother a few times a day, everyday for years, I really could not get the approval I so desperately wanted, she strung me along with a carrot that was her love and she always beat me up emotionally for wanting her atteniton. She would often cut my off and say well I have to go I am tired and I would see her on aol bad mouthing all her kids and how bad we all were. We did nothing but try to please her and be there for her and it was never enough, nothing was enough and she also pitted us against each other too. SHe is not mental, she knows excatly what she is doing and she is not healthy to be around. I do feel sorry for her, but I don't miss her anymore, she told me I was dead to her cause i brought up things she wished i would just bury under the carpet, nevermind that those things were criminal and ruined my life and made life very hard to raise my own child and form healthy bounds with others, never mind that i tell you. I no longer care and I am glad I got away from her and the rest of them. I loved them dearly all my life, I tried and gave her a million changes to change, but she would draw me in and get me trust her and then do it all over again, she deserves to be alone the rest of her life. Of course she won't be, she has my doting siblings who look the other way who want her money, not much but money is money in their eyes and she did not only threathen to kill us with a gun, but also my dad as well and yet he can just let that go and yet never once care bot me or his grandchild, never had the time for us, well now we have no time for him, thats life and thats reality and I really don;t care anymore, its done.

9:44 am
September 1, 2007


serenityali

New Member

posts -1

I don't have time to completely read this thread right now because I am expecting company. However, I feel guilty just reading it, like my loyalty to my Mother is poor.

My Mother and I have fought for years and go for months at a time without speaking a word. I now stay away for my own sanity and to try to restore my self-esteem. I will reply more later, but this topic sure hit home for me and their appears to be tons of insight for me.

later
Ali

10:46 am
September 1, 2007


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

I use to have those moments of loyalty and then I realized, that I should not have to be hurt in order for someone to be honored, if I have to hurt me in the process, then that honor is not healthy or deserved…it took me a long time to get to this point, god only knows half my life, so don't beat yourself up or feel bad here, its a process and its takes time, when you get to that healthy point in your life, your self esteem and health will come first and others narassitics needs will not come at all, i understand this very well, sadly too. I know how you feel, its not a good place to be, but you know, keep working on you and soon your feel a whole lot better!

7:58 pm
September 1, 2007


Ladeska

New Member

posts -1

Forgottenone…..I usually don't post on other threads besides – Charmer/Abuser but I couldn't resist this one. Hits too close to home. I had two mothers just like yours. Double whammy. And I've been unfortunate to know alot of other women just like them and their daughters.

For one – it's not because of how they were brought up because I and alot of other people just like me – should be the supreme harpies on the planet and nice to no one, especially our daughters because of what we were taught – and actually – we're not like that at all. I have a very loving relationship with my daughter and always have had.

She has a very independent mind and so she should – I taught her well. She can banter with me all she likes. I encourage it. If I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

I call these women harpies because it fits. That's what they ARE. Could care less how they were raise – you are what you are when you come into this world. Excuses abound but the facts are – some people are – narcissists or better yet – psychopaths. They don't give a flip about you whether they had you or not. It's all about them and that's it.

They stick the pin in the voodoo doll and make you dance because they can. Because they know they still have an "in" with you and somehow or another – you will dance because you want a "mother" and you will engage because it just must be them……. Well, no, actually – it really shouldn't be – them. Anyone can spit a baby out. This crap about Ohhhhhhh, I had you, your my blood, you owe me, I put food and water and shelter and clothes on your back – means what? You had a good facade going on? You didn't want the neighbors to notice what a real bitch you were? (not that they would have really cared mind you…….)

Yea, my mothers used to have their fangs in me but I don't speak to them anymore and the last one I engaged with – can really kiss my butt, she's my biological mother and I'm so glad – if I have her genes – I defeated them.

She wouldn't know how to be a mother to a rock.

They are what they are, just like anyone else that doesn't have a conscience. Just because you came from them – so what? If you met someone on the street and they treated you like this – would you speak to them again? I hope not.

Their pleasure center isn't seated where yours is, obviously. They get great pleasure from causing other people pain and if it's a daughter – ahhhhhhhhh, that's called – chocolate pie.

How dare YOU BE – everything I'm not. Trust me when I say that envy – is the most vicious, the most awful and the most dangerous thing on the planet.

If you have a conscience and have the ability to smell things, feel things, know things, enjoy things that she doesn't – then guess what? She hates you and she will always hate you.

They instinctively "know" that they are missing what you have and yes, they hate you for it, will eat you if they can.

There really is no good or nice way to do it and I don't know why we fumble around with the "nice way" to do it when someone has their fangs in you. You punch them in the throat, try your best to hurt them and remove their fangs and try to break them off at the root, family or not.

AND you put up a loud and clear message that if you EVER come this way again – expect to get the fury from hell if you do.

She's jealous of you sweetie, don't you see it?

You're everything she's not and she'd so love to destroy you if she can and keep sticking that knife she has in you – further and further until it hits an artery. Or until the infection takes hold. I so well remember – Olivia in the days of Claudius in Rome………ahhhhhhhh, what a "mother". Yea, well, I know her well, both of mine were just like her. My real mother tried to poison me twice.

We have to stop being whining sheep and be real warriors in this life and no, I'm sorry but do we really need 20-30 years of evidence and patterns as to what's what and who's who?

We do have a brain……….and we do need to use it.

Forget the nonsense about "honor they father and mother" no matter what. I'm sorry but I'd think God would be a bit more intelligent than that and he'd want us to know what that "means" to BE a father or a mother in the real sense and then IF you are THAT – then honor should be there. And IF you are not – then guess what? You're worse than an infidel.

And if we lay down with dogs and engage – then we get up with fleas and if we return like a dog to our vomit – then I guess we'll get sick from it, right?

You know who you are………I see it here. So hold your head up. Act like it and don't be in a "blur" about what's really going on here. Use your mind…….it's a blessing that you have one and don't let your bleeding heart – lead you into places where you will become – lunch.

1:04 am
September 2, 2007


red blonde

New Member

posts -1

Forgotten One ~

My mother hated me til the day she died. I spent my precious time – correction- I wasted my precious time trying to make my mother accept me, love me, want me ….as a daughter…HELL – as a friend.

In the end, I knew that it was so senseless of me to beat my heart against that wall of hate she had for me.

Your time and your love are best spent elsewhere, if she hates you, she hates you…it was nothing that you have done and nothing that you can do will change that…or her. Love her in secret, but don't go beating your heart against a brick wall. If you feel that you need nurturing…pamper and nurture yourself….and your children, if you have children now or in the future.

2:04 am
September 2, 2007


Ladeska

New Member

posts -1

And all that I would add to what Red Blonde wrote is – love what exactly……what you wished she would be or hoped she would be. Look at what she IS. Have the courage and the fortitude to look at the patterns of behavior and what it produces in you and how she pulls the strings and you react. That's all you need to know. Love that in secret? – at your peril.

We love and worship what we wish they were or what we fantasize we can make them by our sacrifice and martyrdom, which comes from where – fucking religion, that's where it comes from and I'm sorry but if this is "god" then I want no part of him, he has a mental disorder and I'll pass.

What hurts me and sends me through perilous waters and endangers me – I'm so sorry but – I don't get off on all that b.s. about – God likes me more because I suffer so much for the cause. Cause for what? That other people prosper over my loss and my blood, sweat and tears and they make millions off of people like us. No, no……I've read enough history now about the so-called "greats" and how they were really treated….in their time and it's ugly.

Real ugly. Read…………

So if you waste your time trying to make a human being that's um, I dunno, maybe a vampire instead of being a human being bec. all they do is suck you dry…………you owe them what? An explanation, a trial by their hand picked jury? Well that went well in the Salem witch trails because the truth of the matter was……..ergot poisoning was very well known and practiced in England, so the people that came over "knew" this. You can blow that shit int he wind and poison the crops. And the women that were on trail were made to eat the bread made from this and yes it causes itching, extreme paranoia and hallucinations and the like. Soooooooooo, what do you thint they did and acted like? Thing is – if you convicted a witch then guess what – you got "their land" and the first millionaire in America at that time was in Salem and was connected to – the pastor who reigned over all this and he was never a pastor before this and yet in cohoots with important people with much to gain.

It was all a con and a con that reaches back into European history for decades. Some so knew about ergot poisoning and what it would do, but they also knew about many other poisonings…….this is an ancient craft and ruined many a kingdom.

But who knows……….who is taught that this is what went down in Salem? We're all taught something else like the Thanksgivng thingie with the natives was all fun and goodwill. It so wasn't that at all.

It's easier to believe a lie and to say OH, that's just a conspiracy theory so I can't think about it and must dismiss it. Well……..that's a choice people make out of fear…..out of fear or the truth. So what? You look at the evidence, do the work and you prove it wrong. Fine. But people don't do that. They just RAIL at anyone who pokes at the truth. Which tells me that – they are "people of the lies' all of them.

They are as much to blame and guilty as hell – as the ones who planted teh squibs in the twin towers and brought it down by demolition.

Those people were slaughtered and we have yet to bring the people really responsible to trial. They just – get excused, get pardoned, resign, whatever but – they are sooooo not to blame. H,m,m,m….in the small pond I know people just like that. You're to blame for what they did and yes they will yell LOUDLY because THEY WERE THE VICTIM and not you at all. You were just actually priviledged to be in their presence for whatever time period because – God loves them more……….because the God of this world is obviously Satan, so of course he approves and if you want it eay and it appeals to your narcissism and laziness and cowardice – yes, yes, you can buy that from them at 50% interest rate but it's okay they just "care about you" so much.

Even when they the destroying you – it hurts them more than it does them.

When did we get so stupid……….? When did that happen that the brain we had just went to peanuts and up in a poof of smoke and all we have left is this remnant of following orders. When did that happen? Whenever it did – should be marked in history because when this happened – we lost everything……and the sad thing is – people don't care. Neither do they care about who comes after them. We have effectively killed off or hobbled anyone that could actually save the human race. And most of these people who I call whores……….aren't the psychopaths in powers but they do got to bed with them………and they do get that blindness that makes them intimately HATE anyone that has the balls enough to call it what it is. The problem I have is – supposed good people that I thought I knew – won't turn a hand to protect me……… No, no, they protect the predators.

12:35 pm
September 4, 2007


smarterone

New Member

posts -1

my mom who is 80, a young 80, well we had a bad growing up, dad, thank god died at 43, he was always beating up mom and me. I was supposed to keep her in the house while he worked cauz he was jealous she was beautiful and it was one of those italian weddings where i really dont love u but i have to gt out of this strict house. She had my sis 7yrs after me so we have no connection at all. Like strangers. Well after dad died i already had a b/f and we got married mom stayed single, dated, met a married man, 30 yrs together, his wife dies, he is sick, she is the most miserable person in the world. I havent seen her in three years, i am her "baby" but everytime i go there i have to leave in two days cuz she is nuts and now i have oppty to go, she told me to come, now she told me dont bother. Oh my sis lives with her and she is just as crazy, ask your doc, mine told me stay away from them. You will live longer. Good luck

1:06 pm
September 4, 2007


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Your are def smart smarterone, to stay away from people who hurt you, cause abuse can literally kill us way before our time, no matter what kind, how frequent or what have you, abuse kills you, literally and spiritually too.

1:15 pm
September 4, 2007


alien

New Member

posts -1

Can any of you who have managed to cut ties with your family, please advise. I am just wondering if an explanation is required. Or if it's just a matter of moving, changing phone number, email etc. And how does the concept of forgivess come into this? Or does it. I am quite confused. But i feel the ties i still have to what is left of my "family" (not by blood)are actually torturing me, and making me crazy and sustaining my emotional agony. I am hurting pretty bad having to be nice and push aside my entire reality as my mother reaches for me to comfort her because my dad just died. Even though they both were evil. I feel like i am about to seriously lose it!

1:15 pm
September 4, 2007


doubleloss

Guest

hi forgotten one.I believe in family, family life and unity. However, I also believe that families are pure accidents. None of us chose where we were born, thus I've concluded that families are mere accidents. Now, if the family members happen to like, respect and truly love each other that's a big BONUS in life. And family or not, nobody should ever have to put with abuse of any kind. I guess when we are little we have no choice, but as grown ups we can decide who is in our lives and who isn't, family included.

While growing up I always thought I had the perfect family, no issues there. But after my mother died all went tohell, pushed by my dad. He became mentally and emotionally abusive and it took me many years to tell him off. When I did, a lot of inner things changed for me. I quit trying to please my daddy and looking for his approval. We didn't speak for about 2-3 years. Last year he apologized and we've resumed our relationship. It's not as close as it was and it will never, ever be the same. I've stood my ground and I'm much happier with myself. His loss.

It's amazing how it can take us so long to learn this things, but now I have to rememeber that it's me first. When I'm good, everyone and everything around me is good as well.
I understand I can't change anybody, if my dad is an arse, that's his problem, it has nothing to do with me, but I will not tolerate it. Period.

Take care and good luck with whatever you decide to do. Double


About the AllAboutCounseling.com Forum

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online: ShiningLight
79 Guests

Currently Browsing this Topic:
1 Guest

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 37960
Posts: 717887

Membership:

There are 82990 Members
There have been 41 Guests

There are 3 Admins
There is 1 Moderator

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass – 1097
zarathustra – 562
StronginHim77 – 453
2013ways – 419
curious64 – 408
free – 372

Recent New Members: admin

Administrators: ShiningLight (523 Posts), admin (21 Posts), emily430 (0 Posts)

Moderators: devadmin (0 Posts)


 

Copyright © 2014 Internet Brands, Inc. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Health Disclaimer | Cookies