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Why do I feel gross after sex?

UserPost

10:43 pm
August 30, 2001


katemc

New Member

posts -1

After I have sex I feel incredibly gross, guilty, and want to curl up in a ball. My last partner wondered why I wasn't satisfied. He was concerned as to why that I didn't orgasim. AT the time I was enjoying myself (but not to the point of orgasim) and afterwards I just wanted to be alone and cry and feel dirty for what I had done. I sometimes view sex as disgusting. I hear all the stories about the sex toys out on the market, I have seen them, that just isn't my style. I just think it can be degrading. By no means am I a prude, I just dont understand where these feelings are coming from. I am a young, active, 25 year old woman who just doesn't understand. can anyone give me some insight?????

12:10 am
August 31, 2001


pollylove1

New Member

posts -1

kate u just need to find ur self, look at why u think sex is dirty, somewhere in u is the answer u just have to find it. once u know why u can fix it

1:04 am
August 31, 2001


damaged

New Member

posts -1

I think this starts with what you feel might of happened to you as a child.

10:02 am
August 31, 2001


angelchains

New Member

posts -1

The first question that came to my mind is was this woman abused in some form as a child? It just seems that you are relating your sexuality with a horrible event or an upbringing that views sex as dirty. angel

11:11 am
August 31, 2001


damaged

New Member

posts -1

I was raised a baptist and I always thought sex was a bad thing. I alway wondered if sex was so bad how come the preacher had kids.

1:36 pm
August 31, 2001


eve

New Member

posts -1

katemc,

are you sure that you don't mean your'e Cross whith your partner? I think that women, just like men feel a need for an orgasm. I mean there's all this rush and the energy, and all this is building up and wants to go somewhere. So when you aren't really satisfied it's no wonder, that your emotions take you on a rollercoaster trip.

Together whith that: all you need for perfect unhappiness whith sex is one of those rather insensitive guys who *really* care for the women's orgasm. Just not for the woman's sake, but because it makes themself feel great, if they can make you come. It's just like your orgasm is something that they are entitled to, because it turns them on. Yuk! I had an affair like this once and it took some time until I realized why it made me feel uneasy and peculiar about sex. I was just lucky enough to know better sex, too.

So: while I think yes, perhaps you really should have an orgasm now and then (it's fun, if nothing else) – I definitely don't think that you should feel like you owe it to your partner – if he makes you feel like that, then you should definitely take a step back, think it over, talk it over, and work on your relationship, before you go to bed together again.

Take care, and don't let anybody spoil it for you.
Whith sex, even more than whith all other areas of our life, our gut instincts are usually much cleverer than we give them credit for. So: if it does make you awful, don't do it. At least not this way.

Hope this wasn't too explicit. Eve

8:00 pm
August 31, 2001


Molly

New Member

posts -1

Hmmm I agree with a couple of the postings, either something could have happened as a child,could even be just some form of embarressment, or the way you were raised. How was your parents approach, did mom preach about the evils of men and what women must endour? The church has gone a good job of messing with womens sensuality too.
Maybe you were wanting to experiment, but had no emotional connection, and it caught up to you?
There are so many reasons, its just real hard to toss darts at the board with this, but know that you are not alone with this.
I think that some of us were brow beaten with the evils of masturbation, and with all that I have read, If you don't know how to make it happen how will any one else figure it out. Some women are so much more complicated than others, and it takes so much more relaxing, yada yada yada.

8:23 pm
August 31, 2001


katemc

New Member

posts -1

I don't know if it is from my childhood or not. My parents are divorced and my dad would watch porn in front of me. I haven't had a relationship with him since I was 10yrs old. Also, he was am alcoholic and addicted to prescription drugs. Several years later my mom remarried. He too is an alcoholic. He is one of those people that everyone thinks is so nice but little do they know he hibernates and drinks all night long. I have also caught him passed out (from being drunk) and after the act of mastrbation. I come from a family filled with screaming catholics. But I am not sure if this is the reason why I feel this way. I never stay in a relationship because I don't want to feel obligated to have sex all the time. Is this really healthy of me????? Please help

5:04 pm
September 2, 2001


malaikau

New Member

posts -1

Dear Katemc,

I think that whatever you feel right now is perfectly okay and healthy for you. Not everyone will agree, of course, but I think that feelings are a good indicator of what is happening in our emotions the way a fever can be an indicator of what's happening in our bodies. If you aren't comfortable with sex right now, that's okay. If you are finding yourself in a place in your life where you want to look at that and try to work with it, then so much the better–but if not, that's okay too. You can deal with this stuff when it feels right to you.

There are other ways to be intimate with a person besides sex. And there are ways to take care of yourself, to make yourself feel special (and NO, I'm not necessarily talking about masturbation…) that can be equally satisfying. Sometimes just giving yourself permission to feel what you feel and be where you are in your life and process is very freeing.

I hope you are able to find the answers to your questions. You are a strong and capable person who can have all the things you want in life!

Respectfully,
Mal

12:25 am
September 4, 2001


katemc

New Member

posts -1

Thanks everyone for your input. I really appreciate it. Mel,Molly, and Eve, the3 of you really made me think. i hope to enjoy sex one day. Maybe I haven't experienced the right person but i want to get over this fear………….


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