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Why do I attract the same type of man?

UserPost

6:52 pm
March 22, 2006


1day@atime

New Member

posts -1

Hi Everyone,

I recently met someone who I was attracted to. When I first met him I could tell there was some chemistry. Anyway I sold him a service for his business and after we met he called with a question. Well we got to talking for 3 and half hours and during the conversation he made some very sexual statements and that seemed to be the direction he wanted the conversation to go.

Well he suggested we get together that weekend and then didnt call? I just dont understand why you would do that? He seems interested but doesnt make plans to do anything.

Once again I am attracted to a selfish immature man. Any thoughts on why someone would act this way?

6:55 pm
March 22, 2006


gingerleigh

New Member

posts -1

It doesn't really matter why someone else would act a certain way. What really matters is why you are attracted to it.

What about him exactly made that chemistry spark around like you describe? Can you pinpoint anything? I bet you could highlight some specifics if you really thought about it…

7:04 pm
March 22, 2006


revelation

New Member

posts -1

I remember, a few years ago…I went through a period where every bloke I met didn't call…and I always wondered why. I used to say to my friends…why did "insert mans name" not call…he seemed so interested. I think the basic reason is, that there are guys out there who just do that…for whatever reason, they just are not interested enough to call again…maybe they've got other stuff going on in their lives or whatever, but unfortunately the bottom line is, they just weren't interested enough in me to want to call back. I was attracting the wrong guys, because I didn't know myself enough at the time, and I wasn't being myself when I was with them…when you are not being yourself, then you are not going to attract the right man for you. 1day…I'm not saying that you are being a fake…what I'm saying is…if he was right for you…then he would have called back. So, I wouldn't worry about this one…he sounds like he was only after one thing anyway…if he wasn't interested enough to get to know you as a person..then really…he's not worth it is he? His loss.

7:07 pm
March 22, 2006


1day@atime

New Member

posts -1

Very good points!! I know I am attracted to the immature guys that I find to be fun and exciting! I like the bad boys and your right he probably was after one thing!!

9:43 pm
March 22, 2006


taj64

New Member

posts -1

Be careful. I used to be attracted to those type. The ones that slip in sexual comments. But I have learned something from those types. They end up being the ones that hurt you. IF they make a sexual comment, then that is what they are wanting. A man calls right away if interested. He definately calls.

11:44 pm
March 22, 2006


caliseth

New Member

posts -1

i think taj is right, you know? if a man is really interested, will not leave you like that. and in first place, would not talk about sex at first time.
as for you, dear, don't let anyone make you feel down. if he does not call, well, he is missing it. so you don't have to worry. next time, talk about anything else, but sex. a relation that brings this topic at first time won't be long with you. let you be treated as a lady, you will atract what you want, if you BELIEVE YOU DESERVE to be treated best.
i know you will get over this, and will thank god that it was so early he showed you his real face, and not after you fell for him.
you deserve much more than that kind of man.
cali

8:59 am
March 23, 2006


1day@atime

New Member

posts -1

Thanks for all the good advice and I wonder to myself why I tolerated someone talking to me like that. I felt like it was inappropriate but yet went along with it. This guy was probably just trying to get out of me what he could and then doesnt really have any interest beyond that. Anyway I am tired of liking the ones that dont like me. I thought I had gotten better but I am once agian trying to get approval in order to feel ok about myself.

9:22 am
March 23, 2006


taj64

New Member

posts -1

I know what you mean. I always had trouble saying no even if I was not comfortable. It took a very painful lesson and hurt to be able to take a stand now. I just don't want you to get to level I did to have to stand up. Always listen to your instincts. If something is not right, then pay close attention to it and don't let any man make you feel uncomfortable. It takes learning about yourself and your needs to figure it out quicker. I would not put yourself down in this case to say that you are not better but to try to pay closer attention to the signals. And you did this rather quickly this time around. You didn't fall for him or get sucked in. And you just dust yourself off and chalk it up as experience. Lessons are important. They teach you for the next one that comes in your path. You will be able to spot the wrong one quicker.

9:30 am
March 23, 2006


SassyAlex

New Member

posts -1

My best friend would forever attract these men, over and over, it was like a phenomenon! The men who seem interested then never call. She would go out on a date or two or three, and they would disappear! So of course she spent a ton of time wondering, Why didn't they call? turning it over in her head. Well I'm not sure what's up with that type of guy, but one thing I could never just come right out and say to her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings was that these guys just were not interested. If a guy wants to talk, there is nothing that can stop him.

I know this all too well because I attract the guys who call and call and stalk. So I have the opposite end of the spectrum! I too attract the same kind of man over and over, it's something we subconsciously do, and I am mystified by it. Just when I try to find someone different, I end up bringing the same thing into my life.

3:42 am
March 25, 2006


1day@atime

New Member

posts -1

alright well the saga continues. This guy comes over last night and does the weirdest thing ever.I got sick and I called him and asked him if he could write me a script for some medicine and he said I had the flu and couldnt do snything for that. Then he offers to bring me medicine and when he comes over he tells me that he doesnt want to start anything because his ex wife is back in the picture and he doesnt know what they r doing???? WHy r u at my house then? I just dont get this guy I think he is jerking me around and Im not gpoing to talk to him again! He tells me he finds me attractive that he would date me goes out of his way to bring me medicine then does that, just weird.

5:36 am
March 25, 2006


augustthefirst

New Member

posts -1

I don't think he's worth spending another five minutes thinking about.

12:20 pm
March 25, 2006


sdesigns

Member

posts 30

There is an excellent book called "How To Spot a Dangerous Man before you get involved" that is on this topic. "Dangerous" is described in the book as "any man who causes damge to his partner's emotional, physical, financial, sexual or spiritual health". It dives into 8 dif personality disorders and dysfunctions, helps you to identify rd flags and stay away. It also describes who these men attract (US!) and why we are attracted to them. I found this incredibly insightful. As the book states "it is crucial that you accept responsibility for the fact you chose to get involved with him".

Although my interest was after the fact, this book helped me enormously to understand myself, and the choices I had made. And most importantly- to not repaet the same mistakes.

Author is Sandra L. Brown, M.A.

Hope this helps.

SD

3:22 pm
March 25, 2006


BelieveLove

New Member

posts -1

One book that made me thinking a lot about a guy dont call is "he´s just not that into you" from greg behrendt

I just dont give anymore excuses to a guy.

I just remember the true if he is not asking you out or dont give any news is that he´s just not that into you.

5:35 pm
March 25, 2006


1day@atime

New Member

posts -1

Thanks for the great suggestion on that book, sdesigns. It sounds like a great book and I am going to get it.

Everyone keeps referencing Hes just not that into you. I dont care if a man is not into me there r plenty out there who are. I just have a problem with men who send mixed messages its confusing!!!

5:49 pm
March 25, 2006


readyforachange

Member

posts 6

1day…I think you have your answer. I agree, this man's behavior is odd. I would steer clear of him.

5:08 am
March 27, 2006


revelation

New Member

posts -1

SD…thanks for the book review…I'm buying it…tomorrow is payday…I NEED to read this book!

3:24 pm
March 27, 2006


kathygy

New Member

posts -1

1day,

I found that I attract and used to get attracted to men who reminded me of my father and my relationship with my father.

My father was very much the come-here-go-away type with me and this I associated with love.

My father wasn't fully committed to me because of his alcoholism and his own childhood wounds.

So I would fall inlove with men who showered me with love and romance and then would disappear only to come back again and romance me some more. This would be a continuous cycle. Ultimately the man would never committ fully.

These men are the charming-charismatic types like my father was.

I have learned now to stay away from these type of men. They are distructive to my self-esteem which I guard like a treasure chest of gold.

The second I notice any sign that the man is not going to be fully available I am gone from that man.

6:12 pm
March 27, 2006


1day@atime

New Member

posts -1

Kathygy,

You are correct the men I am drawn to are reminiscint of my father. Immature, self-centered, and emotionally unavailable. I am attracted to the ones that are involved with someone else or not over thier old girlfriend or are to busy to have an emotional connection.

The scary part is that's what Im drawn to. How do you change what your attracted to if your instinctually drawn to it?

7:16 pm
March 27, 2006


caliseth

New Member

posts -1

1day;
you have one part of the answer already. now that you have discover that you atract the same type of guy, you know you are vulnerable to them, so now you know when you meet the next one that fits into this type, that you should not get involved. put your inner voice to function,and tell you "no, i should not be involved with this man" and be strong, what you want and what you do is what you might get from life, 1day. you know over and over that this kind of man just want an oportunity to get something from you and then leave…so why should you take all of this again, if you can look for a different kind of man, that can treat you like you deserve, that is, give you the best?

man won't change, not this type. is in our hands to see danger and decide that is just not worth it to play anymore.

hugs,

cali

7:42 am
April 10, 2006


Borboleta

New Member

posts -1

I agree with all this comments because i have experienced it in myself.

But the question for me is
How to know that the man you have met is a real good one (without all these problems)?

Thanks for your support

N

7:45 am
April 10, 2006


whidbey

New Member

posts -1

Borboleta,

Hi. I believe the answer lies in taking one's time to get to truly know someone. My problem, in the past, is that I tended to rush into relationships, usually sexually, and then seeing if something lasting would grow from there.

Time, my friend, is the answer, I believe. Time to let someone's true colors show and to find out if the two of you are truly compatible.

7:48 am
April 10, 2006


nvr2late

New Member

posts -1

I am reading a book called…'Loving Him without Losing You' by Beverly Engel.

It has great advice about taking your time…and I have to believe that time is what is the deciding factor, not rushing into things too fast.

Women have a hard time separating sex from emotion….more than men.

It gives very good advice!

nvr

7:54 am
April 10, 2006


revelation

New Member

posts -1

Whidbey…I love how you answer my questions before I've even asked them!!!! Borboleta…thanks for asking this question! Nve…thanks for the book reference…its on my list of books to buy on payday!!

12:11 pm
April 11, 2006


Borboleta

New Member

posts -1

Sometimes we have the answer in front of us and we continue asking the same thing because we couldn´t see it.

Thank you for your "time" answer, Whidbey. Now i can see it.

Good day for everyone

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

N

4:49 pm
April 11, 2006


d.r.k.s.y.d.e.

New Member

posts -1

Borboleta,As an avid fisherman I will say this…You will continue to catch the same type of fish,until you change your bait.Maybe you show to much of yourself and some men prey off of that,or perhaps you are too eager to love, and we can smell that a mile away ,Im just saying see what you seem to be repeating in your behavior,and change or alter that.GOOD LUCK!!!


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