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Why do I always believe him?
April 17, 2005
9:11 pm
nimkii
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I am in a relationship with a man who drinks every 4 to 5 days. I know from our past few years that whenever we have anything good planned to do, he gets drunk right before and then I don't want to go anywhere with him. Today takes the cake for me -- I am to go on a business meeting to Montreal and I asked him to come along for company and a companion to experience a bit of the city since we have never been. Well, he went out for the day to visit his relatives and it is late and he is not back yet. He just called and of course he was drunk slurring something about coming home in the morning in time for us to leave. I told him nevermind and that I would make alternate arrangements and fly there instead. I did not want to drive that long distance alone so I have no choice now but to fly. OOH - I am angry at myself for falling for his words again and believing that things would change. I feel more determined now than ever to seek out help for myself -- I don't want to let this happen to me again.
I realize that I allow what happens to me but, I wish I could understand why I do????

April 17, 2005
11:28 pm
soledad@siempre
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You know in a way this can happend to anyone but you the difference between everyone is the courge to say its over , not to me not any more. I believe maybe you think you love him or that he can change but the truth is that he wont change with a mericule he needs to wwant to change for him so than he could start a relationship with you. My advice get your self straight because he is only thinking of his self and i dont think you deserve that.
Best wished to you
Sole**

April 18, 2005
8:06 am
CAMER
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sounds like this man needs to be "drunk" in order to function with others...sometimes when people drink alot, they do it to "loosen" up in front of others, this guy could be shy and using booze to open himself up ...or...he could have some real drinking problems.

The choice now is whether you want to accept his behavior or not.

April 18, 2005
10:46 am
artist 2
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This sounds like he's having problems comitting to you. Like he's trying to screw it up any time he has to spend long periods of time with you. You know what I'd do? I'd just carry on without him. Tell him that for all accounts, your intuituion is telling you to question his level of committment and that you need some time alone to think about the relationship.

April 18, 2005
12:03 pm
sweetlola
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Why are you settling for such an unhappy relationship? Don't you feel that you deserve better? You only have one life - is this the way you want to spend it? You need to get some insight as to why you remain in this relationship.

April 18, 2005
5:02 pm
Anonymous
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We don't know at the time why we believe them. But we keep doing it. I've managed no contact for 2 months and pleased with myself but I still think of him...he's in my head even though he's not physically here!

This must surely mean I am creating all this pain for myself. Why? I don't yet know but what I do know is that as each day goes by I feel better and better about myself and realise that there is more to life than him and that space in my mind that was filled with him is getting smaller and smaller. I'm just hoping one day I will be free of him for ever.

We CAN do it. we CAN let go. We DO know what is best for us we justhave to listen hard to ourselves and take note. xxx

April 19, 2005
12:48 pm
nimkii
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thank you, all of you -- i have some thinking to do. I know I deserve better i just need to feel that way and work towards achieving that.

April 19, 2005
1:38 pm
kathygy
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It sounds like your bf is an alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic and would always get drunk before a big event. The event brings up a lot of feelings that they don't want to deal with so they drink. You can't have a relationship with an alcoholic. He is not available and you can't count on him. Do you want to continue to be disappointed and let down over and over again? You deserve so much more.

April 19, 2005
2:17 pm
readyforachange
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You believe him because you are expecting him to act like a rational, caring adult. He is incapable of doing that. The only thing he can have a relationship with is alcohol, and he will lie, cheat, manipulate, and do anything to keep that relationship going. You are at the bottom of the priority list. Don't believe the next lie, take care of yourself. You deserve better.

April 19, 2005
10:37 pm
nimkii
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Thank you for your words -- i need to take more care of myself. It will be hard if I decide to end my relationship, but you are right that I deserve better than this - i just need to believe it.

thanks again.

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