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Why Can't I Stay Away?

UserPost

9:26 am
March 29, 2006


Jewelz

New Member

posts -1

I have tried to stay away from my b/f but I am weak!! I want to be held and loved and be made love to. I know he is wrong for me but yet I keep going back. I guess for one thing its my codependence and his sweet talking narcissism. Does it get easier? I am starting to like myself more and enjoy myself more. Exercising more, losing weight, smiling more, being just generally a nicer person. I am on Lamictal and I think it is REALLY helping me. BUT, I start getting lonely sometimes and I fall back on what is familiar and then I hate myself. Help you guys , I need it!!

9:41 am
March 29, 2006


taj64

New Member

posts -1

Well the only thing I can say that you must know he is bad for you so if you are treating yourself better and really like yourself more, it might not be a good idea to go back to this man. Sure it is hard to be lonely and sure you miss him but if you go back then you will find yourself in same place of not getting what you really want a guy who can be there for you and hold and love you for you and all that you are. You deserve it so keep working on the things you are doing even harder and maybe you will attract a better love. So don't go back to hating yourself, that is not fun is it?

9:42 am
March 29, 2006


Cjazz

New Member

posts -1

Hi Jewelz. Loneliness is a tough thing to deal with. I never realized how lonely I was until I stopped drinking. Now that I am sober the loneliness tears at my soul and drives me to do things I should not do. Like call my ex girlfiend and go visit with her. So far it has been all right for me to do that but I still realize there has not been enough time of seperation to heal my pain from losing her. I still want to be her boyfriend and she only wants friendhsip. I keep telling myself I need to give it some time but when I get lonely and no one else can help me I get weak and call her. It does get better with time though. I went for the entire month of Feburary without contacting her. That was the longest we had been seperated in the past six years. So, yes, it does get easier to deal with when you give it some time.
Keep telling yourself, you will be all right, things will be all right. Keep filling your mind with positive thoughts about yourself. Get rid of those little sayings like "I hate myself". Those are very destructive. I am learing much about self esteem from this book entitled "SELF ESTEEM"
3rd. edition, by Matthew McKay & Partick Fanning. I have learned that much of my thought, behavior and decisions are based on low self esteem. When you feel good about who you are and about yourself you will understand how to deal with things on a more concious level. You will accept yourself and stop breaking yourself down, even when you make mistakes. It teaches you to have compassion for yourself and how to love yourself. I believe when that happens I can be at peace.
Write me back if you want.

1:35 pm
March 29, 2006


Cjazz

New Member

posts -1

Jewelz, I'm sorry I got cut off, someone came into my office and I had to exit fast.
So, you know he's wrong for you, you get lonely, and then you go see him. I'm not saying my ex is wrong for me but I'm not saying she is right either, I honetly do not know. I do know that when I see her it brings back mixed emotions. I have found that when I think of her as gone, no longer part of my life, I will never see her again…..those thoughts evoke fear and loneliness inside me. She has always confessed that I am her best friend, even now that she is dating another man, she still insists that I am her best friend. SO, I can decide not to see her at all or accept that we are only friends. I really want to be a friend to her. God knows she was a friend to me for years. I think I can do that when I get to a safe place within myself. When I have love myself enough I will be able to be friends with her the way she wants me to be. I feel like I am making progress in that area. Just admitting to myself that our relationship is over has helped a lot.
As for the loneliness, call your friends, go out and do something even if you don't feel like it. That's what I have been doing and it seems to work for me. I hope this helps. I am really pulling for you here Jewelz, I know how hard the loneliness can bee.
Cjazz

2:13 pm
March 29, 2006


Jewelz

New Member

posts -1

Thank you both for your support. I know I CAN do it, but it is so hard and the temptation of feeling his arms around me is so strong sometimes. I wish I could meet someone new. Even if they were not "the one" at least I would have someone else to occupy my mind with. My b/f says that no matter what he will always be my friend. I don't think I can do that. If I can't have him a relationship, I don't want him at all. Too much stuff that we have been through, he's knows all my secrets and I don't want that to come back and haunt me one day. I am at a loss right now, being pulled in two different directions by my mind and my heart. I love him so much one minute and hate him the next. We have been through a lot of drama together soI just have very extreme feelings for him. Everything in my life seems to be going good right now and he is the one thing that is not. I have a steady job, a beautiful daughter, a home and then I have my b/f. He mucks everything up. I know what I need to do. Doing it is the hard part. Thanks guys!

9:48 am
April 3, 2006


Cjazz

New Member

posts -1

How you doing Jewelz? I have been thinking about you this weekend. I went to my ex mates house Friday and we were suppose to go bike riding. I felt strong enough to do this but when I got there and saw his bike in the garage my feelings went right back to the sadness of what the reality of this situation is. So, I told her I had to leave and that I was still not strong enough to be only her friend. She appeared mad but told me she was sad. I feel it in my heart that this is the final time I will put my self in this situation. Time is such a healing tool if we will only have the patience to use it properly.
Tell me about your weekend. Are you feeling better about things? Did the loneliness set in and bother you?
Cjazz

10:04 am
April 3, 2006


columbia

New Member

posts -1

Have youtried the no contact club mentioned on some of these threads
-columbia

10:59 pm
April 3, 2006


lady in red

New Member

posts -1

hi jewelz,

try reading 'women who love too much' by robin norwood. it might help.

11:16 pm
April 3, 2006


needhim

New Member

posts -1

I know exactly how you feel. I long to have my husband back. I long to have him hold me in his arms and feel safe. The truth is that it only feels good for a little while and then the reality sinks in. I am weak and fall into the same old patterns day after day. You have to really look at what is best for you. I can't give a lot of advice because I am stuck in a web of lonliness myself. Keep doing for yourself! I need to do more of that. Good luck, I hope you are doing ok.

11:39 pm
April 3, 2006


caliseth

New Member

posts -1

jewel:
oh, jewel, i know what you mean about loneliness…

but going back to the things that make you suffer is just a trap, your mind creates this trap, making you believe this will help you, because you go back to what you know. but when you need this man, is he really there for you? really really care for you? i do need love too, and i think of my ex and i remember those moments when we kissed and i wish i could have that. but i know i want much much more from a man, i want a person that can share more than just kisses or passion. this is not being complete, jewel. try to do things you enjoy,and help your mind, when you feel lonely, get yourself to call friends, hear music, dance, sing, write, but don't go to the memories, because you are harming your spirit. you can get out of this bad cicle, jewel. i would like you to be on the NO CONTACT THREAD. But it is up to you, lady, to believe in your own power and get your true value.

my best to you

1:14 am
April 4, 2006


alycia

New Member

posts -1

I am there too, although i have no kind of physical contact with my ex, part of me would love too. I have to see him as we have a daughter together….

He has hurt me like no man has and has a new girlfriend who he says he has no interest in, he is my babies father and i miss holding him in bed and all that u feel too.

Friends suggest meeting someone else soon to curb that loss and help me to move on but it will happen when its meant too, not because i need a hug from time to time.

Is he bad for you? Is he going to repeat old patterns if he returns.

Don't u wish they would change and actually do it… If you know in your heart nothing will change you need to be strong and what you are feeling is what we all long for, to be held, loved etc…….

The right one will come along when its time and you will feel it all over again…. Its easier to go back, rather than forward and i hope u find the strength to resist if u know the road isnt going to take u anywhere. Stay tough


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