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Why can't I be Loved???

UserPost

5:28 pm
April 11, 2005


lostinthismess

New Member

posts -1

I was thinking a lot about my life and all the relationships I have had in my life. There is one thing that reamins the same in all of them….people claim they love me and then in the end it turns out that they never truly did. Then they leave me. ALONE. Am I destine to be alone? Why can't I be loved? I am hurting soo deply right now. I just needed to get that off my chest.I am talk ing about all realtionships. My Mother, father, sister, husband,boyfriends, friends absolutly everyone who I have ever had any relationship with.

5:37 pm
April 11, 2005


lucyndesi

New Member

posts -1

dear Lost, It does seem that we are always left ALONE doesn't it!!! I am hurting too..I Don't life being alone but, it seems to always end that way.. I am trying to find a balance with getting comfortable w/being alone. But, I do feel loved from family & friend just not the love that I seek..My ex b/f & I have been apart 6 motnhs now & I don't want to keepmaking the same mistakes and ending up alone…I feel for you ..I wish us strength & happiness..

5:49 pm
April 11, 2005


jamaicanwife

New Member

posts -1

I have struggled with this very issue for all my life. I can only share what my counsellor told me when I discussed it with her. She told me that I should love myself. That once I love me, then it won't matter how others feel about me, because I won't need their feelings to validate me anymore.

I eagerly await the day when I can get up and not have to take a poll to see if I'm loveable today. Was my mother's tone pleasant? Did my husband take me for granted? Is my father still an a**? Then I must not be loveable today.

Just take it one day at a time. Stop yourself when you start to think that you are less than anyone else.You don't have to be perfect to be terrific. And don't take responsibility for other people's problems – if they can't stick around, then that is their issue. Work on your own issues.

6:07 pm
April 11, 2005


Rasputin

New Member

posts -1

Hi Sweetie,

I grew up in an environment where love was scarce in my life. As a kid, I was always scared, insecure, needed others approval.

Luckily I grew up in Sunday School, and learned that "Jesus loves me unconditionally". I accepted His love right away.

I recommend you to purchase the book "The Purpose Driven Life" by: Rick Warren.

In addition, I request that you look for good home church where you can feed your spiritual life, and meet friends, participate in some volunatary works at your church or community. This is how I started in my healing process.

(((HUGS, LOVE & PRAYERS TO YOU!)))

PS: I posted very inspirational thread under the title "U R UNIQUE! SELF ESTEEM MATTERS!!!" If you go up and type in that box that title, you shoud have access to it.

9:19 pm
April 11, 2005


lostinthismess

New Member

posts -1

thank you for your insite. I really feel bad today. Like I have this unbelieveable hurt that has so much grip on me that i can barley move my fingers to type this. I need the pain to ease or I am gonna have a nervous breakdown. I keep trying to be strong but i just can't do it anymore

9:37 pm
April 11, 2005


nimkii

New Member

posts -1

I know it can be hard to feel strong some days — i can relate. I too have had many failed relationships where I get left and feel like i an unloveable. The Creator loves me though and I ask him to pity me and guide me where I am meant to go. It helps to pray for those that have hurt me too! I pray for them to open their eyes, ears and minds to what is around them. Then it is up to the Creator to do his work with them as well as helping me to feel better about myself.
I will pray for you — keep trying — we all deserve to be loved and feel love.
Take Care.

9:40 pm
April 11, 2005


jamaicanwife

New Member

posts -1

What you are feeling are the typical symptoms of depression. Many of us here have felt the same way at one time or another, and some of us are still struggling with it.

I want you to know that I understand. Your pain is real. Your circumstances have been very stressful and you have been strong for a long time. Now you feel that you can't go on, but I am a survivor, here on the other side to tell you that there is a way out.

First things first. You must get some help, from a professional who will be able to help you feel less overwhelmed, and help you to keep going. Other people will not necessarily understand, and can make you feel worse, so don't look to the people who are already in your life for help. Make an appointment to see a counsellor, a therapist, whatever professional help is available to you. Talk to your regular doctor, he or she might be able to offer some solutions also.

Don't give up. You are in the right place, and you can get help.

9:40 pm
April 11, 2005


peacesoul

New Member

posts -1

lostinthismess……You know, sometime we feel that no one loves us b/c we are so disconnected from our own selves.

When I was going through a hard time these last few months, I gave off the "F YOU LEAVE ME ALONE" vibe, and others took that and kind of ignored me. I was working with people that did not even want to approach me. Then one day this guy I work with said to me " When are you going to come to work happy"
I thought, the nerve, screw you. But he made me think. So I came to work the next day and smiled and put my grief aside while being at work. And you know what happened. Everyone came around and smiled with me and was nice to me. One guy I work with said to me today, It's so nice to see you happy again and smiling.

lostinthismess….Find the love inside of you and show the world that love…I CAN ASSURE you, others will take notice and come around.

Good luck and I don't know you but love you :- )

12:55 am
April 12, 2005


the_everglow

New Member

posts -1

I know what you mean Lost. I feel unloved, and I am not sure if love even exists right now. I feel for you, and I hope that you find something. I even feel the lack of love from friends and family as well as any of my ex girlfriends. I sometimes think that maybe even the pets I've had have grown away from me.

How can we love ourselves when others find something wrong with us? I don't understand how to be happy with who I am if someone else isn't happy with who I am.

I know what you feel like in this Lost. The days seem to get worse and worse, but there must be light at the end of the tunnel. Right?!?

7:39 am
April 12, 2005


ntheprocess

New Member

posts -1

Lost..

I am going to recommend a book that helped me profoundly when I purchased it a couple of years ago. It is called ""The Journey From Abandonment To Healing" Author is Susan Anderson

From what you have observed of your life, "people claim they love me and then in the end it turns out that they never truly did. Then they leave me. ALONE", it sounds like you are dealing with abandonemet issues. The book describes what abandonement is, what caused it, the stages of a break-up, and the process and tools for healing.

Until you are able to get the book, you may want to visit the website

http://www.abandonmentrecovery.com

Blessings to you as you go through your process.

9:03 am
April 12, 2005


Cici

New Member

posts -1

Why can't I be Loved???

Peacesoul is right. Ultimately, you can't feel love until you learn how to love and cherish yourself.

11:17 am
April 12, 2005


ntheprocess

New Member

posts -1

Cici

I agree. I also know that learning to love yourself is a process. So many of us aren't even aware that we are not loving ourselves. We've gone through life in "the dark" so to speak. The feelings that we are acustomed to, that we call love, may in fact be dysfunction, but it is a familiar feeling that we've carried from childhood. This is all we have ever known.

It took an awakening of sorts for me to come to the point that I could honestly look at myself and decide I wanted and needed to make some changes. I am in the beginning process of learning and practicing self-love. Prior to this, someone telling me to love myself meant nothing because I thought that I had been loving myself and just a "victim" of bad relationships.

Loving myself now consists of setting boundaries, taking care of myself, my mind body and soul. Excercising, eating right, feeding my spiritual self, trusting my instincts, meditating, being patient and loving to myself, countering the negative self-talk with positive affirmations. These are just a few things that can be done to "start" a process of loving oneself. For some it might be starting therapy, ending an abusive relationship, joining a support group, etc. Wherever we start the process, we often need to take "baby steps" and remember to be as patient with ourselves as we would be to a loved one.

Ultimately the goal is to not expect others to be responsible for our well-being and how we feel. At some point we must come to realize that happiness, contentment, joy and all the other good "feelings" we seek, are all within us.

1:28 pm
April 12, 2005


Cici

New Member

posts -1

Word.

I had a lot of people ask me why I hated myself so much for a long time before I realized that I really did hate myself and the negative consequences were reflected in unsatisfying relationships, an unhappy home, and a lack of satisfaction in anything. Prior to that there was always just a lot of shovelling the blame on other people. But that's what we do, it's easier to distract yourself with those issues than it is to really tackle the nasties that cling on to YOU.

4:22 pm
April 12, 2005


lostinthismess

New Member

posts -1

I keep having nightmares that replay in my head all day long. I need to distract myself just to have a moments peace. I am currently married, about to be divorced, but still together. He is in love with my sister (who thankfuly lives on the other side of the country) I was doin ok but then I found out about a valentines card he sent her and wrote her name in like she was his wife. Doesn't he realize I AM HIS WIFE!! I am the mother of his 3 great kids!! Why am I getting left in the cold? why is that witch trying to ruin my life and my kids life. Ya KNow I didn't hate her. NOW I DO

5:42 pm
April 12, 2005


sparkie

New Member

posts -1

I realised over the last few days again that I am co-dependent. I hate admitting it again. I hate feeling miserable and unhappy. I hate hating myself. Another relationship is over but I am still hanging on to it (despite him leaving me for another woman). I feel desperately upset rejected and lonely. And I feel this need or craving to help him and fix him so we can get back together again.
I also feel so stressed at work and so cross at the constant struggle in my life (including driving an hour to work and back each day).
I really want to turn to God to pray and ask for help.

Thank you for support and these pages

10:18 pm
April 12, 2005


lostinthismess

New Member

posts -1

sparkie, you just described me exactly. I feel the same way I know it's broken I know he doesn't want me and yet i try and try to find a way to fix it. Even though it can't be fixed. anyway thanks for sharing…I hate my life

8:11 pm
April 14, 2005


lostinthismess

New Member

posts -1

ok it's getting worst I finally broke down and told my STBE what was wrong. He didn't understand and then took it the wrong way like I was sayin he was a bad person which is totaly NOT the issue. I am the Issue. My unlovableness is the issue. Will anyone understand?

10:32 pm
April 14, 2005


ntheprocess

New Member

posts -1

"Will anyone understand?"Yes yes they will and do. However it might be of more importance for you to understand yourself a little better, so that you can help others understand what you are going through. This way maybe you will not feel so alone and isolated once you realize that others, (including myself) have and do deal with the feeling of being unlovable or left by people we love. Have you gone to the recommended website? http://www.abandonmentrecovery.com

What you are talking about, this feeling of not being able to be loved, and the fear that the people you love will leave you, the inability to let go of a relationship that we know is not good for us, and then when we are left, how devasting the pain is, are discussed in detail in the book I recomended..The Journey From Abandonement To Healing". You will find that suffering from abandonement issues encompasses so many things and a lot of the symptoms are the same as those of codependents. The information you will gain may be instrumental in alleviating some of the pain you express in your posts as well as give good sound pratical advice to steps you can take to feel better and be better.

Being codependent is not all bad, it is just a part of who some of us are. This is a part of me that I am coming to "embrace and accept". Actually learning that I was codependent was a relief. I finally realized that I was not "crazy" and that other people experienced the same things I had. I came to understand that being codependent was the way I responded to issues from childhood and it in fact served a purpose. Not only that, I came to the realization that I could make new choices everyday, there are plenty of support groups, and there were things that I could do to change me. It was an awakening of sorts. And I also happen to know that, had it not been for my codependency, I would not have come to know my lifes purpose. It is true…Everything happens for a reason, EVERYTHING.

I wish you blessing as you continue your process.

5:11 pm
April 19, 2005


lostinthismess

New Member

posts -1

Thank you so much I will purchase the book you recomended. You are right I am 100% co dependent now I need to get help. I think in reality I know this realtionship is not going to work but yet I pull it back because I am afraid of life alone. I need to get over that and am going to begin that journey. I am working on setting up a life for myself anf kids. I have signed p to start school and am looking for a place of my own.


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