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What is "normal" sexual experimenting for children?

UserPost

2:18 am
July 6, 2005


Apr2002

New Member

posts -1

I found my 51/2 year old son and 4 year old daughter under sheets. They looked very guilty when
I pulled up the sheets – although they had their clothes on, told me they were sucking each others private parts. I calmly said that we do not touch each other private parts, but inside I was horrified because I felt some line had been cross. About a month ago, we stopped
"sharing baths" because my husband told me he found them hiding the couch (and claim to be doing that) that time they were naked. We've already been educating them about their "private parts" for about a year and how it's only okay for them to touch themselves or the doctor when mommy or daddy are present. I don't know where they got this idea – they have never walked in on us or seen this on TV. Is this a sign of sexual abuse – so far I've read that sexual acts are not in the "norm". The only people they have been left with, out side of my care, is their father, grandmother and one sitter (at a church). Any information would be appreciated to ease my mind or to help me investigate further. Thanks.

8:32 am
July 6, 2005


CAMER

Member

posts 100

I guess i don't know what "normal" would be, i do know that when i was a child me and my brother would play
"doctor"….maybe looking at eachother, but never touching eachother, kinda just playing. I do remember getting naked but that is as far as it went….never more than that.

10:25 am
July 6, 2005


jamaicanwife

New Member

posts -1

As a parent I would be very concerned by this behaviour. Maybe you can talk to a doctor or call a hotline for some advice.

Don't ignore it, your gut is telling you to investigate this. It may be nothing, but don't ignore it.

10:39 am
July 6, 2005


Worried_Dad

Member

posts 43

Children do engage in sexual play. The time to worry is if interest in sex is excessive, involves nonconsensual behavior or has been taught to them by an adult. Given the age of the children, the behavior you describe seems a bit too specific for them to have come up with by themselves. That is not to say that either of them has been molested by an adult or older child necessarily. Children talk abut sex with each other. It is possible that your child may have spoken to another child who either was molested or who witnessed consensual adult behavior or saw some pornography. Or a kid talked to a kid who talked to a kid who talked to your kid.

I think the thing to do is to be very careful not to induce shame or fear, but still try to get to the bottom of where they may have picked the idea up and to be sensitive to who they are being exposed to. If there seems to be a huge preoccupation with sex, it might be a good idea to talk to teachers, daycare people, a doctor.

http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/articles/child_behavior/sexdev.html

http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3614/is_199907/ai_n8865527

http://www.families.qld.gov.au/projectaxis/sexual_development.html

http://www.tcac.on.ca/FAQ5.html

http://muextension.missouri.edu/xplor/hesguide/humanrel/gh6002.htm

8:42 pm
July 6, 2005


Apr2002

New Member

posts -1

Thank you for all your responses. This is the first time I've tried a … not sure what you call this forum … chat something. Anyway … very helpful to hear your all of your thoughts. (Appreciate the website links Worried-Dad). I've talked to my son after the incident and hopefully didn't make him feel shame or fear (although he did appear uncomfortable). My approach was that I needed to know that if there was anyone else I needed to talk to (other than his sister that day) to make sure they also understood about the rules of not touching "private parts" and when I ran through a few people names, the only one he answered yes to was his sister (who touched his private parts that way). So we're making sure the two are highly supervised during play and hopefully it wont happen again. I hope it was kids talked to a kid who talked to the kid theory. Fingers crossed.


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