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What is "jealousy" and how do you know if you are too "jealous" ?

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6:19 pm
July 7, 2005

cali ronin

New Member

posts -1

my last serious relationship broke-up because "he" thought I was too jealous. He was constantly talking about women in his past, women he was attracted to in the present, and even cheated on me with my best friend. then, he told me about "details" of that night of fun, and I just wanted to puke! So, can anyone give me 2 cents about jealousy ?


7:00 pm
July 7, 2005


New Member

posts -1

Oh, I don't think that is jelousy at all, it sounds to me like demanding respect…And honey, he doesn't sound like anyone you're gonna miss out on in your 'jelousy'.

7:12 pm
July 7, 2005


New Member

posts -1


Not too long ago I had a thread going about jealousy. I think it is the basis for a lot of issues discussed on this site. In my own opinion I think you will get different answers from those, like you, who tend to be jealous and feel there might be a reason and those here who might make others jealous.

Bottom line to what I read was a very good post by someone whom I cannot remember. But I really liked what they said. Basically that jealousy can be misconstrued as mistrust. Sounds more like this might be the case here. Jealousy might not be the right term – you might be jealous that he/she found someone when you wished it was them. You might be jealous of a relationship that your ex is now having. But in a relationship maybe it's a mistrust. If you are dating someone or married to someone who is dishonest or seems to you go to be maybe it's more that you don't trust them.

I cannot stand a liar. In my opinion if a person is able to look at you and lie then they will do it over and over again. Once you are able to lie to someone you have no qualms about doing it again. It's a mistrust. I've had some people tell me that I'm jealous of someone when indeed, after some thought, it was truly a mistrust. I found that those people decided that lying to me was the better thing to do rather than be honest and maybe cause an arugment or hurt. To me that is being weak and quite honestly I found that those people didn't care if they hurt me – it was all about them. Trust me those lies caused more problems than just one honest hurtful comment.

So my two cents worth is to wonder is you feel jealousy or mistrust? A BIG difference.

7:39 pm
July 7, 2005

cali ronin

New Member

posts -1


thanks for reponse. to give you more details: "X" cheated on me while we were in relationship, and he decided to tell me much later. To make my face cringe more, he told me lots of details that i felt were more appropriate for a locker-room (while we were still dating) One thing I am learning is: jealousy is NEVER a healthy thing; however, mistrust/lying is always more appropriate to discuss, and should be handled as such. However, it seemed he did a lot of talking about women he absolutely loved and adored, women I knew and women in his past. My first reaction was "jealousy" and couldn't understand why he felt the "need" to bring all this stuff into my relationship with him. My opinion is, my ex's are "past issues" and why on earth would I tell a new guy about them? I don't love them, so why mention it? I loved "x" too much to talk about "past guys" hmmm oh well.

Anyways, your opinion is appreciated and would like to hear more of your opinions. (and anybody else's opinions are welcome)


8:06 pm
July 7, 2005


New Member

posts -1

That is funny that you ask this question. I have a thread going entitled "the green-eyed monster strikes again" and it is about this very issue. I am experiencing intense jealousy and I don't know how to deal with it. My situation is a bit different than yours but I think you could still relate. If you have time, go to the thread – I am sure you could offer some opinions.

8:36 pm
July 7, 2005


New Member

posts -1

Hi cali,

This sounds like something I experienced with my ex. He behaved with me in a simular way.He would do things like paying a lot of attention to other wemon when we were out.Talking about how wonderful his female friends were and some of his friendships with wemon were inapropriate in a commited relationship.He had very little time for me and treated me in ways that were demeaning.I think he did these things so that I would be jealous and that would stroke his ego.He apparently needed those strokes.I think a guy like that wants to do what he wants to do and dosent want to be called on his behavior.I believe my ex would use the jealousy thing to keep me quiet. He knew that if he acted out twards other women and I called him on it he would just call me jealous and threaten to end the relationship. Hence I kept my mouth shut.In that cituation I was jealous my feelings were bread by insecurity and mistrust due in part by his behavior.
I think in a healthy relationship that the man has consideration for your feelings.He may at times be attracted to other women but dosent feel the need to share that with you.He knows doing that would hurt you and he cares about how you feel. I hope this came out right, just my thoughts.


8:40 pm
July 7, 2005



posts 30

Hi Cali: In my opinion, it is just not cool for someone to keep talking about their ex's. Sure, its gonna come up but very inappropriate to mention it all of the time. Plus- give details- no class. My ex used to do that all of the time and I hated it. Even talked about them in bed. Like he constantly had to boost his ego- plus it told me his attention was not on me. I don't think I was jealous but was definitely irritated. I felt I was always being compared to them. I think maybe its because they are insecure and have to boost their ego by bragging about them.

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