what i have done to take care of me... | General Support | Forum

So, I have written many posts in the past several weeks about my relationship with somebody that drinks too much.  I have come to a point in my life that I need to start paying attention to how i really feel, and all of the support that I get from all my friends and you..  I have been going back to ACOA meetings and ALANON.  I keep making excuses for how people treat me, and I am sick of dating my past… I keep going back to how i felt when I was a little boy, and what my mother had done to me.  All the abuse.. physical, emotional, the disrespect.  It all felt so loving and comfortable… I associate this with love.  I left my girlfriend the other day, because the pain was too much.  I feel free, and am learning to be empowered.  I know that this journey that I am on will not be easy, but with this site, and some meetings i will be great.  I miss my girlfriend, but what I miss most, are the good times.. alone with her.  I often forget about the moments that made me feel crazy.. the disrespect, humiliation, and the abandonment issues.  I wish her well, and that she does the right thing.. It is hard, but i have to do the right thing for me, not anybody else… You are all incredible people.. Thank You for the support, information, and most of all… taking the time to read my posts, and helping me.  i am alone, and unsure, but I will make it… D

You have taken a Giant Step towards emotional recovery.  I fully understand how difficult this was for you.  It was, however, the best possible decision.  Now you need to garner every possible source of support and encouragement to stay away from this toxic woman.

*  Stay active in ALANON and ACOA. 

*  Write down all the terrible, hurtful, selfish things this woman said/did to you during your time together.  ALL OF THEM.  Keep this list handy and read it OUT LOUD every time you are tempted to contact her.

*  Maintain a policy of strict "No Contact."  That means no text messages, phone calls, emails, letters, etc.  It also means no "third party" contact (finding out about her via a third party or having her send you messages via a third party).  No Contact is hard…but it is the fastest path to recovery.  Each time we make contact, it's like ripping a bandage off a fresh wound…the wound reopens.  So — for the time being — resist the temptation to revisit any of the places where you might "bump into" her: grocery stores, bars, restaurants, etc.  Protect yourself from the pain this contact could engender.

*  Keep posting here on AAC.  So many of us can relate to the pain you are experiencing.  We've been there.  So, reach out.

My best to you,

Ma Strong