September 27, 2010
I just can't seem to find my peace and happiness no matter how hard I try. There is always something missing, If I only had this or that or if only things were this way or that way then I could be happy, but when I have it, it's good for awhile but then I fall into this depression. I have a great job, my own place and good friends, I'm making it completely on my own, but now things are getting rough and I just want to give up and run away. I have been going through so much and I'm so stressed out that I'm about to lose everything. I've been missing a lot of work for different reasons and I know i'm treading on thin ice.
My ex is suing me for child support, my doc found a lump that I have to have a biopsy on and this guy that I thought was great and had a great time with can't accept my past so stopped seeing me.
Everything just seems to be falling apart and I'm so stressed out. I can't eat, sleep or find anything to smile about right now. My doc prescribed me anti-depressants but I have yet to take them.
I don't want to fall into this depression again, I've worked so hard to pull myself out, why is all of these things happening? and what can I do to keep from drowning in this time of trial?
thanks for listening...
September 27, 2010
Sorry to hear about the lump, hopefully the biopsy will be carried out quickly and it will be something minor.
You say that there is always something missing, maybe that is the same for everyone? Who has the perfect job,the perfect relationship or enough money?
Maybe anti-depressents willhelp, tey have never helped me, they work like sleeping pills. Whatever good is going on in my life gets messed up because I fall asleep,can't work or do anything much. They do work fr some people though.
I really don't mean to sound patronising here but there are some things that are totally free and wonderful. I find that closing my eyes and listening to a wonderful piece of music (my favourite is Swan Lake) takes my mind off everything and everyone. When I wake in the morning I try to quieten my mind, stop all the problems that are going on in my head, all the worries for the day before me,and I listen to the birds singing outside my window.
I hope thishelps a little.
September 24, 2010
If you went to the Dr. and he told you that you had an infection and needed and antibiotic, would you take it? It is the same way with medication for depression. There is a reason he prescribed it for you and it has nothing to do with you personally. You must have a chemical imbalance and that isn't you fault. I have been on anxiety/depression medication for years. But I went off and on for a while until I realized I did need it. There is something about feeling better and thinking you don't need it............da, thats why you feel better because you took it. smile!
As far as the male friend who backed away because of your past, sometimes its better to wait to share stuff and really, why do we feel a need to share out past. It isn't who we are now and they weren't a part of the past with us........so? I don't do that so much any more. If I meet someone who I have a lot in common with, I am more open to sharing, but have boundaries in place for the average joe. So to speak....
Try to think positive, our though process is a huge part of who we are. I have to remind myself of this all the time. This too shall pass...better days are ahead.
September 27, 2010
Hell, sometimes when it rains....it just fucking pours!!!!!
Between your work, child support issues, lump in your body and the guy that wimped out on you - no damn wonder you are feeling stressed.
First things first. Time to set priorities: You need food, clothing and shelter - so work takes priority in order for you to maintain these essentials for yourself.
You said that you are treading on thin ice at your workplace - do you have any vacation time built up so that you can take that time now to "re-group?"
If not, maybe explain to your supervisor what all is going on and ask for some leadway - even supervisors are human and understand periodic problems in our lives - if self-employed, perhaps look at temporary options available to keep your business afloat.
I say, go for the anti-depressants temporaily to get you over this hump - or "trial" as you put it. (Great wording - by the way.)
Just TRY not to get over-whelmed - because - if you are like me - you would have a tendency to just shut down completely like an electrical breaker switch that has been over-loaded.
Deep breath. First things first.
Make a list or plan of action and tackle one thing at a time would be my advice...and seek support from folks that you can trust. Makes it 10 times more difficult to go through these things alone.
I do not honestly think that you are doing anything wrong in your life as the title of your post suggest....God - do you really want to add unsubstantiated guilt to all of this on your plate as well????????
Just hang in there best you can and know that the tides will turn.....have to - just the way it works.
Be gentle with yourself through these multitude of trials right now and you'll come out the other end - I know you will!
September 30, 2010
Good to see you again hon!!! Been long time. Just relax, take a deep breath and don't anticipate things or take them too seriously. The lump could be benign. The bf is not worthy of you. If I learned something about relationships is that when he's the right guy, he will be calling you, interested in you and things will eventually work out between you both. If not, we will be sending the rest of our life with someone abusive, mean, unloving.
In the meantime, I will be keeping you in my prayers. Keep us posted! xoxoxo
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