Tumbleweed8 hello! | General Support | Forum

Got through the morning with the healthy thing, but that is enough for today, I think. Can't just jump into this stuff all at once I don't think. So I'm having an unhealthy soup and crackers for lunch. Have a good one, all. :)

Horsefly, I used to post here that the hardest thing I've had to do is learn to just take care of myself and I'm still learning. I know it takes time to learn to be alone with yourself and feel valuable as an individual whether or not you get any validation from anyone. I have learned to accept a lot of things I can't change though and am working on the ones I can. Some days I just ask myself What can I change today or What do I need to do to take care of myself today. I find those questions help and give me some direction. When I first came here to this site I was so fed up with everyone, disappointed with family members and pretty much gave up on people. I still feel I live much like a recluse except for occasionally going somewhere with my youngest son and this friend of ours who doesn't live far from me. I had a couple of friends here in my building but these ladies had a lot of other activities so I don't see them much or go to lunch with them anymore. One was too controlling for my taste anyway and after being controlled by others, I feel I don't need any more of that. I don't like being talked down to so when that got too much I gave up on that friendship. That gets to be another issue when you do try to make new friends, but you're not the same person you used to be. People who knew you when seem to think they can still treat you the same way as before and I've struggled with that. I'm sure we all probably do. I know the only way is to have clear communication, but I've been passive-agressive not speaking up for myself soon enough, then getting angry and ending friendships. Most of those deserved to be ended, anyway, but if I really want to keep a friendship I know I'll have to calmly and clearly ask for what I need or whatever. I've never had a circle of friends so I don't know very well how to be with people except for what I'm learning. I have one lifetime friend who was a friend all through school but she was the only one. Then at work I had few friends wherever I worked, maybe a couple and that was it. When I was with my husband he had the friends as he was the outgoing one so our friends were really his. And for the most part they were a pain. A couple of nice ones who we stayed friends with. The others seemed the type to want to mooch off of us and we had very little as it was so those types come and go. I guess all this is just to say I know it is not easy to feel you're starting a new life over and have to try to make new friends and all. I think for a while a person is better off alone even though that gets lonesome and boring, but at least that way a person doesn't have to be upset all the time with someone else. If they don't call you, that is. I had to get off of the phone before with a family member I tried to help yesterday and figured I'd done my part but here he was again today calling me trying to change everything around I'd figured out for him so I simply said I was getting off the phone and would have hung up if necessary. I have to set boundaries with him because he doesn't want to help himself and I know there is really nothing I can do about that. All it does is frustrate me so I'm going to have to be firm and stick with my boundaries. Again, I probably should have done this before instead of getting to this point. Hope something here can help you or someone reading. Your Friend, TW

Horsefly, I'm glad you could identify and gain some help from the posting. I had to learn to do a lot of things in part acts as I was told in a group I used to attend. Looking at the whole picture does get overwhelming, but you're right that if you only accomplish one thing for that day you're still ahead and you will gain a good feeling of accomplishment from it. Today, all I really got done was 3 loads of laundry, making breakfast and lunch and an apple crisp. Other than that just the usual necessary, but some days I don't get this much done so I still feel okay with it. I make a lot of things from scratch as they say so the only easy lunch I sometimes have is Ramen noodles and crackers like today. Otherwise I'm making salad, cooking vegetables and maybe even baking bread sometimes and that is more time consuming, of course. So, you said you make a lot of salads. What kinds do you make. My very favorite is taco salad. Which you may have already read on here somewhere. I'm glad you got out and enjoyed your walk. That always helps me, too, to get out in nature and enjoy the sights. :)

Hi Tumbles, TS, et al.

We are home from New England and what a drive it is. Have been tired.

TS…glad I found you along with Tumbles. How is your school year so far? Or is it too soon to tell? Did you take classes in the summer? I took two at the Governor's School of Excellence. This state offers the classes and cost is nominal…school districts usually pick up the tab…and then we get the credits which will apply to ACT 48 hours that we have to keep up with in 5 year increments. Right now, I have enough until I retire…don't need to take any more as am good for a while.

Anyway, our visit with daughter was pleasant. I miss her a lot once we are home and back into our routine. It almost feels as though we don't have a daughter because she isn't a regular part of our lives anymore. No answers. We live here…she there. I am thankful for all that I did with her while she was here in town…all the school stuff she was in that I supported…just that I used that time to the fullest. And now there are these times. We saw her at Easter, were up there the end of May-beginning of June, and then this last weekend. But you lose so much…she shows me pictures of people I only hear about and don't know…her life just doesn't mesh with mine anymore. Being that she is young and has it all ahead of her still, I don't think she notices like I do. She thinks these few yearly visits are adequate, kind of "doing her duty," if you will! So, that is that. Tumbles, I know you relate and TS, well, just do as you've been because you can't get those years back and you never know what the future will hold. On the plus, she has a good job (I think). The owner of the restaurant where she works met us when we went to dinner and applauded us on raising such a fine young lady . That made me feel good. Someone somewhere is benefiting!!!! ANd on that note, I'll close. Have a nice, relaxing evening if you can, till later, Bangles

Hi Tumbles and all! Tomorrow's Friday! Yea! Am tired but came home and my car was so filthy that I got out the hose and shop vac and thoroughly cleaned it…I was finishing as it got dark. But, a good feeling now that I'm done with it.

I am amazed that you ride on your son's Harley Tumbles! I think I'd be scared out of my mind! Good for you!

Not much to write about…doing wash and got over to the computer while I wait. Tomorrow night am going to a dinner for some teacher friends that retired this year. They were elementary teachers so I never saw them too frequently, but have been friends with one since forever and that's how I came to know the others. When we were up in New Eng., where my daughter lives, there are a lot of cute little shops. I found these Venetian crystal bracelets and I got each of these (retiring) women one…each a different color crystal. They can switch if they like another better…I don't really care…just picked up the ones I thought were prettiest. Wanted to take them something. Hey, maybe one of these days, it'll be my turn!!!! Hope so.
That's about it. Got to clean up around the house a bit before going to bed. Hubby's down with the flu, or something similar. He's not been up all day and I have left him alone. Tomorrow between school and the party, I've got to get the dog to the vet. He (my big dog) has such allergiles this year and my vet wants to see him and then will give him prednizone ( sp) I think. I don't like to have him on that but he is scratching so badly…he is bleedinig on his jowels and on hos back feet…from chewing and itching. I give him benydryl abut I don't think it is helping much.
That's about it. Hope you are all fine and happy. Bangles

Hi Tumbles! Nice Sunday here in htese parts, huh? Hubby bought a ton of produce to make salsa. Not my idea…lots of work but we do it every year. Then can the rest of the tomatoes. I've been working/cleaning in the basement.

My daughter's bf's mom rides on her husband's cycle. I was so surprised to hear that! Wonders never cease, nor do people and their interests/hobbies. We have bike night here in this town, Tumbles. I think it gets good participation. I know it is plenty loud when I've been in the area!

Thanks for asking about the retirement party. Yes, it was nice. People are really getting to be fine cooks…have you noticed? Lots of new salads and things put together that I would never think to do. Starting to question my own cooking which I always thought was good, but I'm pretty basic. I tell my daughter that if I see a recipe with ingredients that I don't know what they are, theen I just keep on looking! Ha! She was amazed that I didn't know what capers are…I thought they were of the onion family. Recipe that called for them, I used onions and it was fine. I don't think they have anything to do with onions! Oh well. Old-school cooking…that's what I am.

TS if you're reading…so you're gone for good I take it? When I "leave," I think you all know, it's never thought out and intentional. I just seem to stay away from the computer, (except at work, where I make a habit of staying off "personal" sites. Too many nosey people and I am not sure of all the computer capabilities out there). But , I just stay away and then after a bit I am out of the habit and thus I disappear. Only to reappear, also unplanned. Know that you are missed welcome to post…Notice I never wait for an invitation. Ha! I just show up.
Well, suppose I ought to help the old boy with the salsa project…Then I have general cleaning and straightening that I want to do around here…things are a mess and I need to work at some semblance or order. I will try…Rome wasn't built in a day, right?! Later, Bangles

HI! Salsa is done…cooked and canned. Whew. Big job, big cleanup. I am glad we only made two batches instead of 4 like we sometimes do. I am tired. I thold the old boy he is killing me.

I started writing twice upstairs on the laptop and twice got "booted, " so am here in the basement on the "real" compouter. Worked in the basementment today, the unfinished side where I now house a cat that I am fostering for that agency I volunteer for until he gets himself (hopefully soon) a home. He has come close twice and lost out both time to other cats. Those is the breaks, huh?!?!?

TS…I never meant to insinuate that you were "mean" or otherwise for not writing. I, of all, can't talk when I vanish for months at a time. I never really felt "unconnected" to people on this site however…usually I find something to say or someone with whom to chat. I do, (did) however feel that mostly my postings are pretty boring, banal and trivial compared to what othere people have going on. But, hey, that's the way it is. When I have been depressed with the daughter or work, I have felt genuine support from you and TW mostly, and that has been welcome. It has been with you and TW that I have felt the most connected on a "regular" basis and then occasionally others when certain specific issues were brewing. But please don't think that I am offended or think you are mean or otherwise for not writing. That is definitely not the case! Perhaps you will drop by occasionally, and that would be nice! Take care, Bangles

Hello TS, Tumbles, Bangles and everyone, its so good to see all of you.

TS I read where MJ left the site, I was sorry to hear that and she is missed. Was she upset or just needed to leave on her own?

I miss you too TS I dont always write but I do look on here alot and just read the posts. I hope things are going good for you and your happy in your real life out there. Things with the court are heartbreaking regarding my grandson and it seems the court is determined to cut my sons parental rights from him and myself. We will find out for sure on October 2nd. I pray everday for God to help us and bring our little boy back home to us.

I hope everyone has a good day and good week.

It rained here in California and it was so nice to see, I love the rain but not when it does some damage like the landslides in LA and so on.

Take Care
Bel

Hi everyone. Just wanted to write a quick post.

Bel, I will be keeping you, your precious little grandson, and your family in my prayers. It seems so crazy that the courts would keep you away from your grandson. You have done nothing but love that little boy. Hugs to you sweet (((Bel))). As for MJ, she left on a good note and there was nothing wrong. She just felt like it was time to move on and not let this site consume so much of her time and her head. :)

Things are going pretty good for me this school year. I just have to remember what a control freak my co-worker is and that it isn't personal about me. Takes a lot of emotional energy sometimes to deal with her, but I am doing better at it this year. My husband is 3 months post-op from his prostate cancer surgery and is doing pretty well – still dealing with side effects from surgery, but he is cancer free.

TW, I am glad you are spending time with your family and that you have learned how to guard your heart around them as you have been hurt many times. Just enjoy each day as it comes and keep doing the things that are important to you.

Take care,
TS