You must be logged in to post Login Register


Register? | Lost Your Password?

Search Forums:


 






Wildcard Usage:
*    matches any number of characters
%    matches exactly one character

Tired of taking care of everyone else!

UserPost

4:55 pm
February 2, 2005


seeking_answers

New Member

posts -1

All my life I have had to take care of other people.. And this week my nephew had surgery, appendicitis… My sister passed out in the hospital, my mom had to tell me about her counseling, my brother-in-law had to tell me all the things that bother him about my sister.. And I had to stay at the hospital over night Monday night. I've had it!! I finally fell apart today after getting back home.. I have cried all day! I even had to leave work early and my supervisor is not happy with me. I'm tired of feeling anxious and unhappy.. alone and miserable!! HELP!!!

6:01 pm
February 2, 2005


woundedspirit

New Member

posts -1

Its difficult enough to make it through the day with our own personal issues and getting done what needs done for our own lives without taking on everyone else around us issues. Its healthy and admirable to be there for our friends and family on occasion when we are needed but absolutely overwhelming and unfair when they dump on us all at once or we constantly take on others problems. You didnt say specifically but you sound like you are simply not getting the support you need to maintain the level of giving you are doing. I know for myself, its when Im constantly doing and giving to others without getting any help or support in return that I feel most overwhelmed. With that emotional and physical exhaustion comes resentment. Which is counterproductive not only to our own needs but also to those we are trying to help. So…the question is, what can you do for yourself to recoupe without the support from those around you? You are at a point where you have given all you have. Shut off your phone. Explain to others you are going to be busy and unavailable for a few days. And take care of yourself! Go for a massage if you can afford it. Go stay in a hotel for a night or two if thats what it takes to really get away from everyone else. If you cant afford it, atleast turn off the phone, get a good book or movies, whatever pampers you. SLEEP all you want! Just take care of YOU for a change. Without interruption.

6:08 pm
February 2, 2005


addicts wife

New Member

posts -1

ugghhh, I got exhausted just reading, andIts becasue I can totally relate/identify… I was always the oneeveryone went ot , and seemed to "have to" take care of everyone else's shite to the pointthat i was exhausted, overwhelmed, and plum ole' sick and tired of being sick and tired… It took years, but I HAD to start saying no.
"NO." period no explanation, cant do it, and once I said it out lous a few times it was VERY liberating, although it ws painful the first few times… I even preacticed in my mirror..LOL, i can laugh now, but it ws hard as heck!!
Good LUCK with all this… and PLEASE try to do something for yourself this evening…. and then again tomorrow.. IT is totally hard enouhg to get through your own day with out the added stress of people pulling you in 23255668783452340000 different directions!! Ill be thinking of you!!

7:12 pm
February 2, 2005


seeking_answers

New Member

posts -1

Thank you both for your feedback! It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone! I'm definitely not getting the support I need. No one has asked how I am doing. I'm taking care and taking care and no one is taking care of me even a little. I cant do it! I'm so exhausted.. I'm SO depressed! I live two hours away and am now back home.. And now I'm falling apart. I feel so alone. My ex has not called for two weeks.. I'm feeling angry and alone.. What a combination.. I just dont know how to dig myself out of this black hole! I feel like it wont ever get better.. If I moved back it could be bad, cuz I might be expected to take care of everyone.. And if I stay here, I feel disconnected from my family and lonely. I need help! My roommate informed me that I seem to have it all together and people dont see how i really feel.. So I'm asking for help!!!

7:34 pm
February 2, 2005


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Seeking,

I just went through a period of time when I was completely out of spiritual gas. I felt like I couldn't give one more bit of myself to one more person and I'm a social worker for heaven's sake!

I think most of us have been there, and learned that you have to take the time to rest and re-fuel. Sometimes you have to say "no"! Horrible, I know, but it actually works!

I come from a big family where there are a lot of us depending on each other. We all bear a bigger burden for it, but we don't have to carry our loads alone. I hope it's like this in your family, and that you aren't the only one bearing the weight of every problem. It's too much!!!

Take care of you!

Love,

Ren'ai

7:42 pm
February 2, 2005


seeking_answers

New Member

posts -1

well unfortunately it seems like I am.. I was up there for a day and got dumped on from every angle. With no concern for me traveling two hours and having to come back and was supposed to come back to work. When my sister passed out, everyone was just standing there looking at her.. I jumped up and took over.. I told my brother in law to go get help and I picked my sis, who was hanging over her chair, up and leaned her against me until she came to.. Then I got very little sleep over night in the hospital taking care of my nephew.. I dont know if it is that they are that selfish and oblivious, or if its that they think I have it all together.. Its just something I had to do growing up.. I had to be 'ok'. And now I'm not. I want to be taken care of a little and cared for. I want to know what my life holds.. If I will always be in limbo and always be lonely.

8:07 pm
February 2, 2005


runt

New Member

posts -1

I think that our biggest problem is that we think that if we give of ourselves, then others will do the same for us. The sad truth is, they don't. I think that codependents are capable of giving away our souls. I know for a fact that others tinnk that I am so solid and together that I don't need any help. Sometimes the one who seems the strongest is the one who desperately needs someone to lean on once in a while. I am still trying to find balance in my life. Every day gets better, but old habits die hard.

8:19 pm
February 2, 2005


oneinthewoods

New Member

posts -1

I understand what you are going through….growing up in a major dysfunctional setting with a big family got me a chance at co-dependance….NOT a good thing…but getting through the recognition, and moving away from my family…( I am out here totally ALONE ) is the best move I made. Now, I am working on getting my two kids to become as independant as if they were raising themselves! My youngest is five years old and I have to remind myself that he MUST learn to care for himself…( do not want him to be my target at over caring and doing so much til mental exhaustion. Living a life like that can make you carry major resentments….then burying them inside and blowing anger out of control with minor issues down the road. What I am trying to tell you is that you must learn to say NOPE….when you feel too mush outside pressure. If it is not working…do not answer the phone or the door. It sounds cold…but if you do not take care of you first…how can you care for anyone else? In order for you to love or care for another….you must have the ability to generate it in your own soul so you have the RIGHT STUFF to give away to another.
Hey, if the crying is causing you issues on your job…get some meds. from the Doc….half the world is on them and your life should not have to be so entangled in over the edge like that.
Good luck and stay happy at least 80% of the time….:) The other 20 % ya should be sleeping….tee hee.

5:30 pm
February 3, 2005


seeking_answers

New Member

posts -1

Thanks so much..
Runt.. I think you are right when you say we are capable of giving our souls away.. And also correct when you say the ones that look the strongest are the ones who need someone to lean on.. My life feels so screwed up right now.. I have been so anxious today! So overwhelmed! I'm trying to figure everything out right now.. I feel so hopeless.

In the woods.. You are right too. You have to have the right stuff to give away.. You have to be able to take care of yourself.. Lately I just feel like I can't even take care of me. I dont even want to go out of the house.. It is affecting my job! I have got to pull myself together. I'm just so messed up right now. I talked to my ex today too. I just dont know what to do.. She doesnt want the responsibility of calling me all the time so she says.. Its such bull shit.. I'm just tired of everything.. I'm tired of being alone. Will I ever get it together.. Will I ever feel content and happy again?!?


About the AllAboutCounseling.com Forum

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
53 Guests

Currently Browsing this Topic:
1 Guest

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 37907
Posts: 717695

Membership:

There are 82886 Members
There have been 41 Guests

There are 3 Admins
There is 1 Moderator

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass – 1092
zarathustra – 562
StronginHim77 – 453
2013ways – 419
curious64 – 408
free – 372

Recent New Members: admin

Administrators: ShiningLight (523 Posts), admin (21 Posts), emily430 (0 Posts)

Moderators: devadmin (0 Posts)


 

Copyright © 2014 Internet Brands, Inc. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Health Disclaimer | Cookies