You must be logged in to post Login Register


Register? | Lost Your Password?

Search Forums:


 






Wildcard Usage:
*    matches any number of characters
%    matches exactly one character

That sick feeling in your stomach.

UserPost

10:59 am
December 12, 2005


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

I am just looking for some feedback. Gettingthere and I were talking about the fear of abandonment. I experience a sense of fear a ndsick feeling in my stomach like something bad is going to happen for no reason at all. It is almost like it feels weird to be content, happy and satisfied. I experience this terrible sense of fear if my boyfriend doesn't call at a certain time or breaks the routine. Anyone experience this or have any advice on how to get past that feeling?

Hugs, Lost

11:06 am
December 12, 2005


hbdude2k

New Member

posts -1

Oh my god….I just went through that 2 weeks ago with my girl. Why doesn't she call, what is she doing? feeling in my tummy. My therapist said that your brain says one thing and your tummy does another. Take the negative thoughts and turn them into positives about your boyfriend. Write down the positives on a piece of paper and keep that with you. Anytime you question a negative thought, take your piece of paper out and read it. You have a choice to be yourself. Its like this, you come to a fork in the road, one way is negative, the other way is positive, well, your not going to take the negative path, your always going to take the positive path because it will be a happier drive. When you come to that fork in the road worrying about the negatives, stop and make that other turn down the positive side, that is when your reading your positive notes on your paper. It took me a week to do this everyday and now I don't go there. It takes practice and then you will be perfect and move on to the next step….Good luck…much love
Aaron :)

1:52 pm
December 12, 2005


jack122064

New Member

posts -1

Hi everyone, I haven't ben here in a while. I wanted to respond to this because it's what I have been feeling all year after a friendship ended. I was doing better the past month, but this past week it became difficult again. I can't seem to get this person out of my mind, tho it was encouraging the past month to realize I CAN shake her. Anyway I wanted to point out the possibility that whatever relationsip you have now MAY end at some point (not trying to be negative, but it could happen). It happened to me and it was devestating. I guess I'm just suggesting that you have a plan in case that happens.

Jack

2:03 pm
December 12, 2005


breakfree

New Member

posts -1

feelinglost,
I am with you all the way on that sick to your stomach feeling. I used to get it more often then I do now, but the worst is at night if I haven't heard from my BF all day. You sit and wonder why he hasn't called, if he is ever going to call again, what you might have done to tick him him off etc. Any break in the routine makes you swear the relationship is about to be over and you just don't know what you are going to do. For myself I am doing my best to break this cycle as a step of breaking free from the codependency I am entrenched in. I try and journal each day to let those negetive feelings out rather than harboring them. I am looking to my friends to help provide 'whole fillers' in my life instead of solely my BF, it helps to easy the tummy pain.

2:14 pm
December 12, 2005


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hi Everyone,
It is funny I thought maybe I was one of the few people who experienced this. What do you think causes it?

Hugs, Lost

2:56 pm
December 12, 2005


July1209

New Member

posts -1

I found that for me that feeling and fear is the past crimping my future. When something tramatic happens to me the first time there is no fear. Then my body reacts to anything similar (smell, sight, colors, actions. This has occured for me since my first love couldn't face me to say it was over and I found out it was when she asnwered the phone. I was 16 and always believed that a person would tell me if the relationship was ending or over. Not just disapear.

That experience huants me in all future relationships with a fight or flight feeling. I have learned to ignor the fear and deal with my instincts and the facts. It seems that when something is happening there is no fear just an inner knowing. However, it can put me in a tailspin when it happens.

Can you remember anything from your past that this might remind you of?

3:06 pm
December 12, 2005


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

you mean the feeling I have right now????

yeah, BF does that to me alot.

But in the end, it's ME doing it to myself.

Do I have the faintest idea how to fix it? Wish I did….cuz at best, it's annoying, at worst, it kicks in my IBS and I am sicker than a dog, in great pain and agony.

Right now, my feeling is coming from the fact that BF had therapy today, with our joint counselor, and he had double the work load and it looked like he wasn't going to make the appointment. I haven't heard from him and tried calling and calling and no answer. Finally I get a text that he will call me, he is resting.

So, I have my answer, he didn't make it. But opens up a whole new can of worms because I planned on him being home for dinner, and now he isn't, and if he isn't home tonite, and reschedules for the next couple of nights, I scheduled to work – to work around him being home tonite instead.

Yeah, I am revolving around him – and that's why I make myself sick.

But pulling away from doing that takes great strength, determination and energy and right now I only have enough energy to tread water.

Wish I had the answers.

3:08 pm
December 12, 2005


caraway

New Member

posts -1

It makes me feel so much better to see others try and put this "feeling" into words. It is such a powerful physical reation that it is hard to consider it a feeling.

I have not been able to stop it, but it does help to recognize it and talk myself through it. It always passes.

Cary

4:03 pm
December 12, 2005


jack122064

New Member

posts -1

I have always thought it was insecurity. I have a similar feeling when I am jealous.

Jack

4:11 pm
December 12, 2005


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

July,
I can't think of anything specifically. The only thing that I can remember is never know what "mood" my Mom would be in. I never knew and I always felt like I had to feel her out before I could do anything. That is the only nervous feeling I can think of. Not that is a good thing but I have always ended my relationships. When I was younger I was really good and just dropping a bomb and saying I am moving in a few days. I was young and didn't know how else to deal with things. Maybe I am afraid someone will do that to me now. I know I hurt alot of people by not knowing how to deal with problems.
Hugs, Lost

5:23 pm
December 12, 2005


gettingthere

New Member

posts -1

i have found that sick feeling is worse on some days more than others,saturday just gone my b\f didnt call me much that day and by the evening i lost it and text him go s…. yourself and later really wished i hadnt,we are still talking thank goodness but i swear he thinks im round the bend,but there are days when it dosent get to me so much,but it is most definately our thinking and how we feel about ourselves each day,i wish it wasnt a daily battle and i could get up and know that i was ok will that day ever come? …….gettingthere

7:27 pm
December 12, 2005


cherise

New Member

posts -1

i definitely get the same thing. it's a type of anxiety. flight or fight response in your brain. something to do with adrenaline. but really it's basically insecurity. whenever i have a man in my life, i'm always waiting for the phone to ring and all excited if it's him and dissappointed if it's not

10:49 pm
December 12, 2005


lala33

New Member

posts -1

I feel that feeling a lot with my BF. Sometimes I think it means something deeper is wrong with the relationship, like if you're so insecure to feel that way, what is making you feel that way? Anyway, one practical thing I've found is to record all that angst in a journal- writing down what your feeling helps a lot, almost to the point of getting rid of that feeling.

11:15 pm
December 12, 2005


free2choose

New Member

posts -1

I've always told people that for me fear is a physical feeling, like a punch in the gut, the chest. I feel nauseated and queezy, my beely aches, my chest hurts, I feel short of breath, like I'm gonna puke… Sometimes I just feel like something is chewing on my guts.

It's panic… fright. Insecurities bubbling up, the "What if's", the need to be prepared, to ready myself for the attack. It's primal, that feeling, from the gut, competely out of control. Makes me want to grab handfulls of my hair and yank and run screaming into the darkness. It makes me want to beg, "Please, PLEASE, PLEASE, just love me, don't leave me, don't leave me, love me please why don't you love me." It's what I felt the day my ex left me standing, crying, falling to my knees in the driveway, screaming for her to come back. Please just come back. It's what made me go inside, and, after four months of sobriety, open my moms medicine cabinet, pull out every bottle of pills I could find, and take enough to knock me out for three days. It's what I feel still, after five years sober, being in therapy, working on my issues, it's what I felt Saturday night after a huge fight with my current partner that made me smoke a cigarette after 1 1/2 no smoking.It is PRIMAL FEAR eating away at my GUTS, because my mind tells me that I am not good enough to be loved and that soon, everyone will see this and they will leave me and that I am utterly unlovable and undeserving of love, and all I can do is wait for those around me to figure this out and walk out of my life and I DO NOT BELIEVE I COULD SURVIVE THE CRUSSHING PAIN of knowing that the way I feel about myself, the hate, the disgust, is true, and that everyone knows it.

Erica
not doing good right now

11:52 pm
December 12, 2005


Lass

New Member

posts -1

Honestly? When I feel that way, I go take a nice, long nap. It is feeling overwhelmed. Regroup. Rest. Start over fresh.

If not tired, work out or do chores. I have worked out some awful knots just by lots of cleaning the house.

Hope this helps.

LL

12:26 am
December 13, 2005


hopeinhim

Lake Stevens, WA

Member

posts 3

I don't get the sick stomach feeling very often – but, I know what you are talking about.

For me – it is a signal that I need to process some difficult emotions and take care of myself. My appetite goes WAY down, so I have to make an effort to eat.

Hang in there – it can lessen. The more you get support the less severe it can become.

For example, when my husband was on some personal websites and I found out he was going to meet a woman on a sex hookup website I literally vomited. We tried to work on it and I processed a lot of those emotions. Then, when he left again and said it was for good and I found out he was back on the websites again it was just a brief wave that came over me.

Every now and then when I fear being all alone it happens.

You are not alone. Great question, and glad you asked. Hope you feel better soon.

I guess one thing to consider is if you are getting the stomach reaction to REALISTIC or IRRATIONAL fears. My reaction was in response to evidence -earth shattering bad news of the worst thing that could happen to me genre. But, if you find yourself thinking that you should not have been worried then learn some tools to catch yourself worrying before it makes you sick.

Take care!

9:51 am
December 13, 2005


SadMike

New Member

posts -1

For me I can't eat, I can't sleep, I almost get to a point where I can't do much. I lose weight too.

But I know the feeling your talking about. The sad thing is I never used to be that way. When I was married, I was very, very secure in our relationship. I didn't believe for a second that anything could tear that apart. It was after I lost that insecurity, that I started feeling what you're talking about.

It all goes back to fear of the unknown, or fear of reliving what you've already been through. Sigh.

9:58 am
December 13, 2005


mj

New Member

posts -1

Great Thread!

Fear….False evidence appearing real.
That's what I get when I am fearful.
A sick feeling in my stomach. Before any road trip, I get it. When something is bothering me, I get that sick feeling. Thanks for starting this thread and to all that contributed to it. Glad that we can be free to express ourselves honestly and courageously.

10:02 am
December 13, 2005


revelation

New Member

posts -1

Hello feelinglost!

Aha…my counselor and I spent a lot of time on this exact subject! Fear of abandonment…eeks, I know exactly where you are coming from.
And having delved into my past, we discovered exactly where it was coming from with me….my story is very similar to yours…

You wrote:
"July, I can't think of anything specifically. The only thing that I can remember is never know what "mood" my Mom would be in."

Well, honey, thats where the root of your problem lies. When I was a child my parents fought a lot, mostly because of my mothers moods. It went like this: for 3 weeks they wouldn't speak to each other, except when they were drunk, then all hell would break loose, then they'd make up and everything would be rosy for a while, but inevitably, the silence and fighting would start again.

As a child I learnt that no matter how much I wanted peace in my house, no matter how much I prayed "God, please don't let mammy and daddy come in drunk tonight and have a fight" invariably, at some stage, the fighting WOULD start again, so I learnted NOT to depend on the good times as they never lasted. I brought this into my adult life, and in every relationship, no matter how good things were going, I was constantly watching and waiting for ANY sign that things would go bad, as subconsciously, my belief was that they ALWAYS go bad. Well, if I had not gone to counselling, I would have spent my whole life with this horribly, debilitatin attitude, it makes you want to control unreasonably in a relationship, and when someone genuinely loves you, its difficult. Imagine you are crazy about someone, are happy with them and want them forever, but no matter what you do…they just won't believe it…you constantly have to try and prove how much you love them, but its like banging your head against a brick wall. Well, thats how it was for my ex…..
Through counselling, I have simply learned that as an adult, I control what happens in ONLY my life, not my mother and father…what happened to them does not have to happen to me. and most of all, my mantra these days is simply "The sh*t doesn't always hit the fan".

Hope this helps.

10:11 am
December 13, 2005


mj

New Member

posts -1

Can I follow you around today, Rev? Your words are so Positive! I can so relate. You were definitely blessed with a Great Counselor! I want a referral!

11:17 am
December 13, 2005


revelation

New Member

posts -1

mj, he was great, a lovely man….but based here in Ireland, so not much chance of a referral!
I have to say though, most of the time, I talked and he listened….but at key points he would make connections…such as above. So I'd talk about my childhood and he'd interrupt and point out how thats effecting my life now.

Basically too many of us live subconsciously in the shadow of what our parents did…its time to leave that behind, the only way to break the cycle low self-esteem through the generations is by actively working to change it.

11:25 am
December 13, 2005


kristalrose

New Member

posts -1

That's the same feeling I'm going through right now with my husband! That sick, nauseous feeling, the one that makes me go in the bathroom and wring my hands and pull my hair out (litterally!) because I'm so afraid that I'm loosing him, and I'm afraid that I'm just crazy and I'm pushing him away.

11:31 am
December 13, 2005


Guest

posts

This is so interesting to me that each post has added a different angle, a different piece to the puzzle.

Once on the edge of breaking up, we sat in our LR as far from each other physically as we could get and talked. My hands in my lap were cold, and that pitty stomach was almost nauseating. Yes it was totally fear that this was it and it was over (with due cause!!).

feelinglost, I liked what breakfree and lala said about journaling, keeping track of the negative feelings. If the routine is "home at 6, eat at 6:30", maybe decide what you will do if you haven't heard anything by _______". Jack said you maybe need a plan, so maybe you could use a plan for specific incidents as well as the big "what if we break up" picture.

Another thought is trying to remind yourself that no situation is permanent, you cannot expect to put all your eggs in one basket, things change……so we cannot EXPECT or count on others more than we expect and depend on ourselves.

free2choose says its primal — preparing to flee or fight — so maybe quelling the fear is in always being prepared — what will I do if such-and-such happens?

If you feel prepared, you won't experience the turmoil of not knowing how to react (and maybe your stomach won't kick in).

Picture yourself talking rationally, not cowering, crying, exploding, groveling, hysterical. hbduke mentions negative paths — try to catch yourself in those negative self-talking moments and insert a voice of reason. Consider the worst senarios and decide how you would like yourself to behave. You really can choose your reaction to whatever happens.

I'm hoping these might be tools as hopeinhim suggests for distinguishing between what is irrational fear and cause for concern. I always thought that pitty feeling was an excellent barometer for knowing when something was wrong, but I think now it may not be a clear measure for everyone.

I like the ideas that sometimes we must just go take a nap, take a walk, hit the gym, clean the house….I believe that someitmes when you put your physical body in motion the mental and spiritual and emotional parts of you get more equalized. cherise called it adrenaline and maybe it is also the lack of balance with adrenaline and hormones etc.

Oh but I forgot about your mother's moods…. I'll bet that was pretty anxiety-provoking. Although my own parents never drank, smoke, etc., I think my mother had "mood" patterns from herself having been raised in an alcoholic family, where no one ever knows for sure what the atmosphere tonight will be. A person develops protective REACTIONS, don't they?

feeling lost, getting there, ALL y'all, I think you're really neat people and if you were in my life in person, I'd always try to be considerate and caring. I'd try to keep my personal boundaries, though, like I wouldn't like it if you called me a name and slammed down the phone because you thought I should have called at a certain time. That oversight on my part would not deserve that over-reaction on yours. My instinct would be to not call you again. I would see it as a very controlling thing to expect me to do the things YOU NEED rather than what I freely want to give. I don't like being coerced or pressured into "fulfilling" someone else's expectations. I like it when someone just ASKS me for what they need, and if I can do it, I will. The worst that can happen is the response will be "no". It doesn't mean my relationship with them is over. I still care deeply for them. I just set my boundaries, and respected theirs.

(And this doesn't make me unfeeling, unloving, cold, narcissistic, etc.)

My niece's husband is a worrier — he's been staying with us for a couple of months. When things aren't going the way he planned, he gets all worked up and upset and gets on the phone and chews people out and demands and…..gets stomach aches. My H started teasing him a little and said "Don't borrow trouble". He can wait and see what happens, he can make the necessary calls to "encourage" it to happen, OR HE CAN GO NUTS and carry on and make everyone around him crazy. It just seems to us like he starts worrying about things WAY too soon. Things usually turn out decently. Jumping in there with both feet and tromping around….usually makes things worse. OK I'm done Im beginning to sound a little Jeff Foxworthy-ish.

11:33 am
December 13, 2005


angel1

New Member

posts -1

I know the feeling..I've been told it's my will..

11:48 am
December 13, 2005


gettingthere

New Member

posts -1

hi brynnie thanks once again,your right about calling names and slamming down the phone thats exactly what i did this weekend.never really saw it as being controlling boy what must of i looked like,wont be doing that again,………….gettingthere


About the AllAboutCounseling.com Forum

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online: onedaythiswillpass
61 Guests

Currently Browsing this Topic:
1 Guest

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 37852
Posts: 717558

Membership:

There are 82743 Members
There have been 40 Guests

There are 3 Admins
There is 1 Moderator

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass – 1080
zarathustra – 562
StronginHim77 – 453
2013ways – 419
curious64 – 408
free – 372

Recent New Members: admin

Administrators: ShiningLight (523 Posts), admin (21 Posts), emily430 (0 Posts)

Moderators: devadmin (0 Posts)


 

Copyright © 2014 Internet Brands, Inc. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Health Disclaimer | Cookies