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Stalking -- how to know if a guy is stalking you.
February 22, 2006
3:23 pm
smiling
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Hi! I need some of your thoughts. I have a friend -- he's nice (I thought). He helped me on a project and that's how we became friends. After the project was over, he wanted more of a relationship. I said no. I told him we wouldn't get along and I really liked our friendship. He has since become a bit of a nuisance. He manipulated me by telling me he permanently injured his eye and couldn't see. I was upset and concerned for him. (He had taken me to celebrate my birthday when he displayed an eye patch.) He didn't bother to tell me it was just a joke until late that evening. So I cut off relations with him. But our paths cross too much. So I thought, well let me just try to make this an ok situation. I invited him for a cup of coffee this past Sunday. Now, he's called me 4 times, emailed me 2. I have not responded to any of them. He lives right down the street from me. How should I put an end to this. He knows some confidential information that could hurt me in the work world. What do I do with this situation. He displays signs of alcoholism. I think he has taken drugs for depression, etc. I don't want to panic, but never does a situation seem harmful until the harm happens. I just want to avert a bad situation. Thoughts please.

February 22, 2006
3:34 pm
taj64
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I would not say he was stalking you but he does seem to overdo it. Simply being straight with him and telling him that you are not interested in a relationship, that you don't want him to call you or email ought to set him straight. Otherwise you send mixed signals by inviting him over coffee. He is interested in you obviously so it is best for you to cut it off if you are not. And it is ok to take drugs for depression if you are depressed. Unless you tell him not to call, then he is not stalking you at this point. If you tell him stop and he still does, then it is stalking.

February 22, 2006
3:53 pm
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Thank you. With him, I guess I am just going to have to tell him no communication. I did that for a while, I just wanted him to know I had forgiven for his mistake. I hate to be obnoxious when you know someone likes you. But you are right, I am sending him mixed signals by trying to be nice. I just hate that he knows some things that could really damage me in work. I guess I just have to trust that he won't go there. Also, I was trying to think biblically that if I want forgiveness from people that I should be willing to forgive. And oh I didn't to suggest that I thought there was anything wrong with taking medication for depression -- I just meant that I know he is dealing with somethings and maybe I should be mindful of that. Thank you. I think I being sensitive to this situation. Others were concerned so it caused me to look a little closer. Thanks!

February 22, 2006
4:21 pm
taj64
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I had two stalkers in my life. The first one was pretty serious. He followed me home, move to area where I lived. Talk to people that knew me and asked questions about me. Following me into work when clearly I didn't want him there. In the beginning I too was too nice. Eventually I became not nice and then he turned and I saw the bad side of him. He called me at 2:00 in morning and called screamed the "B" word to me. Yes he was stalker. I was pregnant and married at the time too. My husbnad didn't behave like a man should. He did nothing and said nothing. He was very passive about it. I got angry at him for not sticking up for me. If only I had been straight up and not naive. The second stalker was my ex. Only he stalked me in the beginning. Followed me around. Called a lot. Pursued me, showed up in the morning unannoucement but this time, I fell in love too soon too. In the end, I ended up being on the other side of the coin in this relationship. No I didn't follow him but I did call or have urges to call because I felt too attached to him. That is when I learned of my codependency, when it was over. The big thing to look at is if you feel uncomfortable with in any shape or form, then make a point to him not to contact you. Friends do not need to make you feel uncomfortable. reading through your thread reminded me immediately of the first stalker. Would I want to be friend with him and hang out, NO! You are doing him a favor by cutting it off so he can pursue someone else that can return his feelings and you are helping yourself to some peace. I read a really good book at the library on forgiveness. It says you don't need the other person to be around to forgive. You can do this in your own personal way. Now that you have forgiven him and let him know then you really do not owe him anything else. Guilt is just that a useless emotion.

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