February 26, 2012
Dear members of AllAboutCounseling,...
Let me first start by saying that English isn't my mother tongue -- I'm Western-European, so please forgive me for any spelling or grammatical mistakes. I've chosen this forum specifically because of a maximum feeling of ensuring total privacy on my part.
I'm a 22 y.o. male, and I have one older brother (26. y.o.) and two sisters (18 y.o. and 30 y.o.) -- as you can see, there is a 4 year gap between every child.
Anyways, my older brother has submitted himself into a psychatric hospital a week orso ago to get rid of his drugs addiction, and I offered to clean out his appartment so he could return to a nice and tidy place. I had all the time, since University was closed down last week because of Carnaval-break.
Today, in his paperwork (which was laying around the place) I found a piece of paper from the hospital of 2 years ago, when he was rushed into the emergency psychatric ward by our dear mother...
On the piece of paper, I read something absolutely horrible. It stated that my oldest sister had commited incest upon my brother, and that, on his turn, my brother had committed incest upon my youngest sister...
I'm totally freaking out because of this. For now, mainly because of three things.
(1) Now, I'm totally doubting myself...
We moved into our current house when I was about 9-10 y.o. I do, however, have a set of very, very (!), vague memories of me somehow "teasing" my younger sister in our old house. So, I was about 7 or 8 y.o. at the time. With "teasing" I mean that I somehow remember I found her vagina very weird and all of that when we took our bath together, which I told her and then she would open it with her fingers. I screamed: "Ieeeew" and we both laughed. I have no memory whatsoever of me sexually abusing her. The thing is however, despite our respective ages nowadays (22 y.o. and 18 y.o.) -- we really don't get along. And now I'm thinking I might have done something to her, which I don't remember, and that is why she is behaving like a total psycho towards me.
(2) We always took our big holiday in the summer holiday for a month in Spain as a family. I vaguely remember that when I was around 10 y.o. I was showering in our bathroom, and my older sister came in (who at the time was 18 y.o.!) and started playing with my penis and foreskin. It is not that I blocked it out or something, I have a pretty clear memory of this, but I guess I categorized it in my memory as "typical children's behaviour" because I was such of a young age myself. I just now realize that my sister should have known better. Am I a victim? Should I feel victimized?
(3) I want to eliminate all possible doubt as described in point (1) -- how should I talk about this with my younger sister? To be fair, I'm a 100% homosexual -- so I can't even imagine to be sexually attracted to women in the first place...
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