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Signs of sexual abuse in toddlers two years and younger

UserPost

2:01 am
June 13, 2009


mommyoftwosss

New Member

posts -1

Hi
I need to know what the signs of sexual abuse is in male toddlers the age of two and younger. My two year old shows no severe physical signs of abuse but he is acting out in some minor ways that I think may be strange. Because he is so young I don't think he would know the difference between ok behaviors and wrong sexual behaviors. He is just learning to talk so he is not able to express himself verbally. Since he was nearly 8/9 months old he has exhibited major eating disorders and basic food refusal. I have tried everything to encourage him to eat, all of his medical testing have come back that he has no issues and the doctor and specialists believe it is solely behavioral eating problems. Around the age of nine months old he grew terrified of the spoon, and screamed anytime I tried to feed him. He used to gag himself with his fingers and toys, and recently he has been doing some strange sexual things. The other day for instance he was sitting on my lap with his five month old baby brother who was in a diaper, he bent down to the baby's belly and licked it three or four times. I didn't know how to react. Then he grabbed my cheeks and tried to french kiss me twice. I calmly tried to explain to him that only adults kiss that way, and that is a movie kiss. I tried to convince myself that maybe he had just seen that on t.v. but I know that I do not allow him to watch adult television. And along with all of the other strange behaviors he has recently been exhibiting I am not so sure. I just want to be certain. How can I know for sure?

About two weeks ago I was changing the baby, and I left him on the couch without a diaper while I threw the dirty one away. As I walked back into the living room I stopped when I saw my two yr. old standing in between the babys legs. I watched to see if he was just curious but when he put his mouth near the baby's parts my mouth dropped. He started to spit and that's when I asked him what he was doing. He then replied "baby pooped". So I'm not sure if this was normal or not. I also think it is strange how his father interacts with him and other kids for that matter. He often fights with me to let my two yr. old sleep with him for nap and he strips naked when using the bathroom and leaves the door open to let the boys in. I do not like this. He does not only use the bathroom he goes in there and stays on the toilet for over an hour sometimes. There is so many things I feel uncomfortable about what should I do? I have thought about leaving him because we have many other issues as well but I can not imagine allowing him unsupervised visits. I feel that I am responsible to protect my kids. What should I know? What should I beware of? What signs are red flags for sexual abuse? and what is Normal sexual behaviors for toddlers and what is not normal?
All responses are appreciated
~Concerned Mommy~

2:21 am
June 13, 2009


free2choose

New Member

posts -1

As human we have instincts for a REASON. Survival. Please LISTEN to yours.

I am NOT an expert. But I was first molested at the age of three, and my Mother will admit, looking back on it now, she knew something was wrong with me but did NOTHING about it because she wasn't sure what it was or if she was right.

This is my advice. Here where I live we have something called a "Sexual Abuse Response Center". They give FREE assesments to children suspected of being victims of abuse. A qualified specialist can work with your son to find out if abuse has occured. PLEASE call the sexual abuse hotline in your area and ask for a referral or number to a place that works with children. Have your son evaluated, and if you truly suspect it is your husband, PLEASE do not tell him what you are doing!!!

Please protect your son. I wish my mother had been as courageous as you can be now for your son…

Peace and healing…
F2C

9:56 am
June 13, 2009


Lanigirl

Member

posts 161

Good advice free2choose. Mommy, don't wait another second. Your gut is telling you something and it's better to get it checked out immediately and then see that lawyer. I had wanted an advocate for myself when I was a child. It would have saved me.

12:37 pm
June 13, 2009


innerturmoil

Member

posts 17

hi,
mommy,,, yes i agree, usually our instincts are right..
my husband will go to sleep WHen our 2 yr old son sleeps but never in the same room (or same bed)
that in itself is very odd…
does your husband not work? (my husband is an artist and works from home..) and i think the kissing thing is odd as well.. my son will kiss me sometimes but mainly on the cheek :)
i think you should get your son checked out.. is there a reason your husband strips naked to use the bathroom>? have you asked him about this behavior..?
if you are unhappy with this man either way, you should consider getting out…
Does he abuse you in anyway?
what about putting a hidden camera in the room when he 'takes a nap' with your son….
the courts would be on your side either way (probably) and if you fought for custody, you could request no unsupervised visitation..
do what is right by your son.. esp since he doesnt talk yet(my son doesnt talk yet either) he says some things but not really talking..
((mommy)) you have support here.. keep posting ..

3:35 pm
June 13, 2009


Healing.. and peace

New Member

posts -1

Hi Mommy,

I agree to listen to your heart, and speak to a professional about this, there are places that do evalutions and they are experts with tools to know how to ask your son questions, and when they aren't talking yet, they talk to them in a play area, and most of the time will use some sort of dolls and games to get them to open up, even through their actions they can make pretty strong opinion based on how they act and all with the play tools they use.

Saying all that though, I don't think you should panic. Your son might be exploring his own body, and he also might have seen two people kissing on tv in the way that he tried to kiss you. Also, I feel it is perfectly exceptable for any Daddy to nap with their son or daughter, but naked is another story. That's just not right, have you asked your husband about his actions?

I would suggest calling your local hospitals, or Dept. Family and Children Services. If they can't help you they should be able to refer you to someone or some place that can.

Keep posting and I think your doing the right thing by asking, and keeping your eyes open.

Healing and Peace

4:19 pm
June 13, 2009


innerturmoil

Member

posts 17

hey again
i didnt mean to say it was not 'ok' for a father to take a nap with his son… i just think it is odd for him to 'fight with you' and wanting to take naps ThaT much with him…
also the thing about the eating/not eating.. i think is perfectly normal… my son did that/does that..it is normal for children that age to be picky eaters…

how does your husband spend his other time with your son?
is that interaction normal?
has your husband always stripped when going to the bathroom? i dont wanna be too harsh,, i dont know your whole situation…
most of your childs behavior sounds pretty normal..what kind of spoon were you feeding him with,, if it was a regular ,, adult spoon.. that might scare a child…
hope you go with your instincts tho, whatever they are,,

8:28 am
June 18, 2009


mitzy

New Member

posts -1

My 3 year old nephew was abused and we havent long found out, so please listen to your instinct, trust your judgement, keep your children safe. in answer to your question, my nephew was carrying out random sexual acts that had been performed on him, you are right in saying that your child dosent know right from wrong, he is far to young to know, so he will do these things and not think he is doing wrong, dont get angry with him, if you get angry he will think he is naughty and he isnt.
It is making you uncomfortable to see these things and you are an adult, trust yourself xx Good Luck xx

9:00 am
June 18, 2009


soofoo

New Member

posts -1

Mommy,
I have 4 boys and I have seen all of the behaviors you described. These are normal behaviors. Toddlers explore the world with their mouths and food refusal is so common I have rarely heard of a child who did not go through it at some point.

Your feelings are telling you something, I agree. But there could be many reasons you are feeling the way you are. Your feelings do not mean that your child is being sexually abused. And as of right now, you have no reason to believe that this is true. I think you need a therapist for your child and also for yourself to figure out what is going on here.


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