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Sex with cousin

UserPost

2:09 pm
January 19, 2001


Jhon25

New Member

posts -1

I'm 24 years old, my cousin 22. she and I have been like best friends for many years,spending a lot of time together. Some time ago I felt I was starting to look at her not just as my cousin but as a woman and my feelings got really confused I even thought she might have been feeling the same way because she found out and never changed towards me and kept being so special to me. Last week we went out clubbing like we usually do, but this time we got really drunk, and when we got to her house I couldnt help kissing her in the car while she was sleeping.To my susprise she started to kiss me back and i ended up performing oral sex on her besides touching each other and kissing pasionately but fortunately I contained myself and I did not penetrated her.Now she says she doesnt remember a single thing of what happened and that she fell asleep although she looked pretty awake to me. I dont know what to do, she dont wanna see me or talk to me anymore, I feel like the worst person on this planet and i really love her. I'm really confused and dont know what to do. Is she denying what happend because she's too embarrassed to admit it? or it might be true she doenst remember anything even though she seemed to know what was going on and with who?..I really feel so guilty and she's making things worst by rejecting me. What should I do? Did I take advantege of her?Does this make me a sick person?..I really love her and I dont wanna loose her. Please advise.Thanks

6:17 pm
January 19, 2001


Molly

New Member

posts -1

First of all, I am going to say that I do not think that you are sick, because you are languaging remorse for your actions. A sick person could care less the out come or consequences of their behavior.
Second, did you take advantage of her, YES.
You indicated that both of you were drunk, and that she was asleep when you kissed her. You acted out on a fantasy, and impulse, that may have been premeditated, or considered premeditated by your own admission. You have allowed your mind, to think thoughts of a family member that depending on 1st cousin, or 2nd cousin or third cousin for some reason in society, can make a difference in wether or not a relationship or marriage would be acceptable.
She may not want to own her responsibility, or may not remember, but this legally could border line on date rape. Only you two were there, and you were obviously in control.
You should feel guilt, because that is our meter, of when we are out of line, and failing in the character department.
In my opinion you do owe her an apology, and must allow her space to make her own conclusions in the direction of your friendship, and future relations. You crossed a line, and it would be easy for her to say that you violated her trust. Besides this is why sex, and petting and heavy necking should be done in a committed relationship. If this was not your cousin, and what ever the girls recollection was or is, you might have other wise been arrested. Something for you to think about. There is always a cost for our actions, and this was a lesson in self control for you, as well as respect for others. Give your self time to reflect on your lessons, and then move on. Now consider the fact that perhaps you should not drink so much or let your date, or people that you care about drink so much, and for God's sake take a cab next time, a DUI could severly put a dent into your life, and amazing how we don't think that behavior is evidence of illness. Time to grow up, and that is, I think perhaps your biggest sin, immaturity. Take responsibility, learn, and hope that is all you can do that she forgives you, but don't count on her being your ** date** again

1:41 am
January 20, 2001


Jhon25

New Member

posts -1

Thanks for your advise..i really apreciate it…I kind of talked to her and we're gonna try to forget about it and move on even though things wont be the same.

3:22 am
January 24, 2001


sakarated

New Member

posts -1

man u r in a good and bad situations..i know want u felt to her..and i hope that u must try to confess to her that u really love her..what i sugess is why not u and ur cousin make a meeting but not date! juz a simple meeting…but then if she agreed so try to tell her the real this about u and her. imean why not u try to express love..but in the mean time u should have say that any of ur response i will except..that means that u r not really hoping her 100%. so u have u r own priority.so it is enough said that u try to do that first and give me some response bout her…heres my email sakarated@hotmail.com. hope u have the best good of luck..c YA

12:05 am
January 25, 2001


Jhon25

New Member

posts -1

I already told her through e-mails that what I did was because I was in love with her..but she says she doesnt wanna talk about what happened anymore…and about a meeting I dont think it's gonna happen..at least for now..we'll see..although I miss her a lot..she was my best friend…if someone out there has been through something like this..please advise me what to do..thanx !

12:32 pm
January 25, 2001


gingerleigh

New Member

posts -1

What to do, what to do… nothing. You told her how you feel. You have apologized, now let her go.

3:25 pm
January 25, 2001


Cici

New Member

posts -1

I was taken advantage of, sexually, while I was out on a date. It was a horrific experience, it was a date-rape.

We were at a bar, and he had been giving me beers. I hadn't even drank before, so I didn't know how much was my limit. I ended up stumbling so badly that he drove me to his place (where my car was), but I didn't want to drive since I couldn't even walk or talk.

I laid on his bed and I was conscious, but it was like I was in a dream. I couldn't move well. He took advantage of me then. I didn't really struggle because I was so drunk.

I never pressed charges, or even called the police. He was a friend, you know, so I blamed myself and thought that I should have been cognizant enough to say "NO". But after that, though he still wanted to date me, I had a hard time even being civil to him.

It's a scarey thing for someone to do things to you sexually when you're really messed up. Your inhibitinos are a lot lower and you're more vulnerable. Sometimes you do things you totally regret the next day.

I didn't respond to this thread at first because I believe that no one should initiate sex with anyone who is so drunk they are passed out. I mean, although you show remorse (and I am biased), you definatley showed poor judgement in that situation. No matter how she behaves, no person that drunk can make a well-thought-out decision about sexual relations.

But that is my experience, very similar to yours, I think. Let her come to terms with what happened on her own, and give her space. Ask forgiveness…if my friend had just admitted that what he did was wrong and apologized, I don't think it would have effected me as much as it did.

8:18 pm
January 25, 2001


Molly

New Member

posts -1

Not to mention, you might be abe to forgive, but never forget, and trust, …… leave her alone, deal with the consequences of your actions

8:56 pm
January 25, 2001


pg lova

New Member

posts -1

Jhon,

Let me first say that I admire your courage and remorse. It seems to me that you are sorry for what you did. Second, it took a lot of courage for you to come to us with that. I'm not here to judge you, but I will be praying for you. I am a minister and I have ministered to people who have done far worse than u have. Now, the feelings have been there for a while, that doesn't mean that you are a bad person, you just couldn't help it. We often have feelings that we wish we didn't but we can't control them. However, you must realize what a serious wrong you committed to her. She was drunk and she probably doesn't remember and that's probably why she's mad at you. Listen, God cares all about you and her and I know that He will work it out. Don't look at your situation as a bad one but a learning experience, so say lesson learned. Just pray over it and everything will be all right, because I am convinced that if God cares for even the smallest strand of grass in the fields then He definitely cares about you. He's waiting now just to hear from you. Just go talk to Him and I guarantee that everything will work out all right. If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to e-mail me at zion_1981@yahoo.com.

God Bless U and take care.
PG Lova

2:01 am
January 27, 2001


Jhon25

New Member

posts -1

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR ADVISES…CICI YOU SAID THAT YOU PASSED OUT…WELL THIS GIRL TO MY JUDGEMENT WAS JUST ASLEEP WHEN I KISSED HER, THEN SHE WAS PARTICIPATING IN THE WHOLE THING, I'M NOT TRYING TO JUSTIFY MY ACTIONS OR SOMETHING AND I FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE. I JUST FEEL REALLY CONFUSED ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING CUZ I KNOW I SHOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS FEELING FOR SOMEONE FROM MY FAMILY BUT IT'S REALLY HARD NOT TO DO SO, I FEEL SORRY BECAUSE I HURT HER, I HURT OUR RELATIONSHIP AND I AM SCARED THAT I MIGHT HAVE LOST HER FOREVER…I HOPE SHE FORGIVES ME SOMEDAY. THANKS EVERYBODY FOR YOUR ADVISES AND COMMENTS.

2:10 am
January 27, 2001


Jhon25

New Member

posts -1

I HAD HEARD BEFORE THE DATE-RAPE TERM BUT I NEVER KNEW WHAT WAS ABOUT..AND IT MAKES ME FEEL REALLY BAD THAT I MIGHT'VE BEEN DONE IT WITH HER…WHAT REALLY CONFUSES ME IT'S THAT SHE WASNT THAT DRUNK CUZ WHEN WE GOT IN THE CAR SHE WAS WALKING AND TALKING NORMALLY..SHE JUST FELL ASLEEP LIKE SHE ALWAYS DO WHEN WE GO OUT…SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT SHE MIGHT JUST BEEN TRYING TO DENY EVERYTHING BECAUSE SHE'S TOO EMBARRASSED..SHE'S VERY UPRIGHT…I DONT KNOW, I KNOW UR THINKING I'M TRYING TO JUSTIFY MYSELF BUT IT FEELS REALLY BAD WHEN I THINK ABOUT THAT "RAPE-DATE" TERM…MAKES ME FEEL THE WORST PERSON IN THIS WORLD..I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND ME AND THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR COMMENTS…I DONT HAVE ANYBODY TO TALK ABOUT THIS AND THIS PLACE HELPS ME LET IT OUT…GOD BLESS


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