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Not sure if baby is mine. She refuses tests.

UserPost

2:10 am
December 30, 2005


pie

New Member

posts -1

Hi, my baby is 8 months old, and it is a real dark color.. I thought it was just like that ya know.. But, right now, my son is lookin real black. Me and my wife are white. She refuses to get tests done. I really love her alot. I met her 2 years ago when on vacation.. I'm afraid if i break up with her, she will ask for child support. She has also been acting strange lately as well.
I'm not sure if it's just that my son has some sort of medical condition, my wife had saw somebody else but loves me now, or she is just goin to use me for child support.
What would you do in this situation?
Thanks.

4:24 am
December 30, 2005


mamacinnamon

New Member

posts -1

Hi :)

Get an attorney right away. She cannot refuse a court ordered paternity test. You have rights. Exercise them.

I'm sorry this must be so heartwrenching for you. But please… get paternity tests asap.

I don't know if it is admissable in court, but if you have the child one day and happen into the lab for a paternity test then you could obtain one in that way. But, you will need his birth certificate w/ your name on it and your ssn, etc. I'd rather you go thru the attorney and get it done right.

6:16 am
December 30, 2005


CAMER

Member

posts 100

hi, do what Mama just said!!! get a paternity test, then you will know for sure if the baby is yours or not.

9:52 am
December 30, 2005


taj64

New Member

posts -1

Chances are the baby is not yours and you are going by intuition by her acting strangely. Sounds like she is trying to hide something. I would suggest sitting down and seeking straight answers and in calm way, that you need to know the truth. If she is honest person, she will tell the truth. If she in not truthful, then you will want to know the truth some other way and that is paternity test. There is no reason to spend the rest of your life paying child support for a child that is not yours unless you are willing to do this whether or not the child is yours and you can come to terms with staying with your wife and a child that is not yours.

9:53 am
December 30, 2005


Worried_Dad

Member

posts 43

◙pie,

Well if the baby appears to be of different ethnicity than you and your wife, it is probably not your kid.

Ask your wife about it. you have the right to honesty.

The dilemma is that you have to decide right now how you want to be with this child, whether it is yours or not. Even if the child is not yours, you will bond with the baby and the baby will bond with you. That will make separation hard on both of you.

If you separate and the child is yours, perhaps you will end up with primary custody and your wife will be paying child support to you.

If you separate and the child is not yours, she wont be able to get child support from you.

12:05 pm
December 30, 2005


addicts wife

New Member

posts -1

I very much agree withthe above posts on this thread.. but also want ot pont out that her acting stranlgely CAN be postpatdum depression… although If she did have unprotected sex with someone else, of another ethnicity, and the proof is staring her in the face everyday, I suppose Id be acting strangely too!!

YOU have rights, and it is with in your rights to know wether or not this child is yours or not. Wether or not it matters and you'll be there for this child becasue you've already bonded with it, is entirely up to you, but KNWING the truth is important, and well within your rights.. NOT a priviledge, my dear… so , you can "lawyer Up." and keep everyting on the Up and up, within compliance(s) of your states paternity laws, etc…or you could do it without the guidance of an attorney… but IF your wife is sneaky, she could be WORSE very soon, and having an attorney will be best for you, and the childs welfare.

12:08 pm
December 30, 2005


mamacinnamon

New Member

posts -1

I would like to add to what Worried Dad said….

All he says is true….

I would like to add that if the baby is not yours and you do a paternity test… you may loose any contact and all rights to see the baby also.

So, if you are bonded w/ this baby and you want to be a part of this little life… then pushing the situation may lose your rights to do so.

I still vote for the paternity test tho. Specially if she is just gonna use it to get money from you.

Just wanted to state all possibilities.

12:10 pm
December 30, 2005


addicts wife

New Member

posts -1

also…IF your ut is tellingyou something isnt quite right, more often than NOT you'll find yourself tbe correct. IF she was certain the child is yours, Ya'd kinda think she wouldnt refuse to have legal proff of this.
I obviously do not know your wife, and or how she is, but some do all kinds of manipulative weird things, so I do think it is in your best interests t oget an attorney, and back yourself up with knowlkedge, and "power" of your rights. There is no harm in educzating yourself, and getting validation.

12:34 pm
December 30, 2005


kathygy

New Member

posts -1

A relationship needs to be based on honesty and trust. You don't have either of these things. You wife sounds like a very poor choice for a partner if she's unwilling to tell you the truth, the whole truth and take personal responsibility.

I would get the paternity test. I think you need and deserve to have the truth.

5:06 pm
December 30, 2005


Worried_Dad

Member

posts 43

A friend of mine was paying child support to his wife for mnany years. She wasn't a very nice person. At one point, she began demanding more support money from him, was threatening court, and so on…so he demanded a paternity test….and "his" little girl turned out to have a different father.

My froend didn;t care–the little girl is still his daughter and no little DNA test is going to change that for him.

5:31 pm
December 30, 2005


glittered when he walked

New Member

posts -1

I'm not clear on this statement "I'm afraid if i break up with her, she will ask for child support."

do you want to break up with her? Don't let the fear of child support dictate your choice in a partner. besdies..if you were to break up with and she did ask for child support you'd have every right to a paternity test.

Hell, if you are the childs caregiver occasionally..take the child to the doctor/medical office yourself and get one done. you don't need her approval to do so, nor do you need to inform her if you are listed as the baby's father on a birth certificate do you? I would think you'd be well within your rights to do that, and even if you weren't what could she do if it turned out that you weren't the father?

5:40 pm
December 30, 2005


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

There are home tests you can do – all you do is swab the inside of your cheek and the baby's….then mail it out.

You can do this without your wife's knowledge if this becomes a volatile situation.

I vote for the communication and honesty route – but if she is unwilling – you do have rights.

5:42 pm
December 30, 2005


i got this

New Member

posts -1

this happened to a good friend of mine a little over a year a go.

when the baby was born she didn't even call to let him know until after the baby was born.

then one of his friends called to worn him before he got to the hospital that the baby had blond hair, he is italian.

for weeks this weighted on him, he never said a word, all though every one made coments to him.

so at work he begain to open up to me and another friend.

so we got on line and looked up dna testing, and we found a couple of good sights , we ordered a dna test for at home , it is very simple you swab your cheek and the babys cheak seperately then send it back..within a week or so he had the results and the baby wasn't his so he brought the paper work with him and confronted her, she confessed…….

so be perpard a head of time their are all kinds of ways from home test to cout order.

good luck!

7:51 pm
December 30, 2005


addicts wife

New Member

posts -1

J(my spouce) has been thinking it time to get testing done, as his Ex, "Cheated " on him when they were deciding to seperate, then all of a sudden she was pregnant, and it's a lot messier than all this, but recently, She is putting his sons well being in harms way due to her choices, and nothing, NOTHING is written anywhere legally that this 8 year old boy is his, althoguh hes bee ncaring for, and giving a substansial amount of support(($$)) all this ime, so I did some research for him, I googled "at home DNA tresting and there are NUMEROUS at homes tests that are done quite easily as described above with something like a Q-tip with a longer stick part, and the results are mailed with in a short period of time. I believe, If I remembercorrectly, the cheapest ones ranged from about $130-$150-
~again, the choice is entirely yours, but in my humble opinion I highly suggest geting the tests done, even if you do decide to raise this child as your own, peace of mind is priceless, and being haunted with not knowing can be quite damaging… for everyone involved, especially an innocent child.


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