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My soulmate is married, but not to me!!!!!!!
January 20, 2005
4:58 am
sassyl
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I feel like an idiot allowing myself to care for a married man. He is leaving his wife pretty soon, and he feels that same way about me as I do about him. I also have my boyfriend of a little over 1 year, who just bought a house for us, and wants to start our future. But, he is a shallow person, who isn't capable of giving me emotional security. The "married guy" does! I've never known anything like what I feel for the "married guy" before. It's very deep and precious to me. We started out as great friends! There are kids involved which makes it hard. The "married guy" has three, my boyfriend has three, and I have one. HELP!! I'm at a dead end. My boyfriend is aware that I've cheated on him, and knows who with. The "married guy" hasn't told his wife, but he is leaving her, even after 10 years of marriage. I'm terrified I'll do the wrong thing. I feel so connected with the "married guy", more so than with my boyfriend. Anyone out there who knows where I'm coming from??? Follow my head, or my heart????

January 20, 2005
8:44 am
Juanita
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Unfortunately Sweetie, sounds like neither are really right for you... at least not at this moment. Your boyfriend, if he is not meeting your emotional needs, will leave you with this big gaping hole in your soul if you stay with him - unless you could try counseling together - but some men just can't handle women's emotional needs. "Married Man", well, he is married ~ until he has left his wife, don't count on anything. Statistics SAY if they cheat once, they are bound to be repeaters. Statistics are only numbers, and that's not to say what you two have is true. I would just try to free both of yourselves from your relationships before proceding further.

Best wishes to you. I know it hurts, both the situation and the answers we don't want to hear. Remember above all else to be good to yourself and true to yourself. You are the only one who (ultimately) takes care of you and your child.

J

January 20, 2005
8:46 am
CAMER
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definitely follow your head...just my opinion....does your married guy know you have a bf??? and you will probably end up miserable if you move in with the bf already knowing that he is shallow.....Why not break from the bf or work on things with the bf and if they don't work out, you can
know at least you tried. With all the children involved and the bf and the married guy...thats alot to deal with.

Take some time do some soul searching so no one gets hurt in the long run.

Good luck,

January 20, 2005
9:09 am
Cici
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Of course this is a ludicrous idea...but why not be alone for a while until you can figure things out. At the very least, let your BF go...if you don't love him, he must have some qualities which make him a good person worthy of having a healthy relationship.

You are worthy of one, too...sometimes you are too close to the forest to see the trees, though.

January 20, 2005
10:30 am
marley
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sassy

I agree with Cici - I mean it can't hurt for you to be alone and figure out what you want. Plus I think you need time to heal from the relationship with your bf and give the married guy time to deal with the changes of leaving his wife of 10 years and his kids.

January 20, 2005
10:39 am
ILSILS
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does sound to me like you have found alot of good qualities in this married man, but i would ask yourself a serious question in that the quality a person must have to continue a relationship as powerfull as marrage and not be honest with his wife, is this a quality that you want in someone that may want to choose you as a wife? it doesnt seem very commandable to me, if he was no longer inlove with his wife why then wouldnt he just get a devorce first before being decetfull, i never have understood adultry. it seems very lazy and untrustworthy. please concider this before you become the possiblity of the wife he cheats on next.

January 20, 2005
10:55 am
restless
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I think people stay in a marriage even after finding someone else they consider a soulmate for various reasons. Either because they think they owe it to the kids, afraid to admit defeat or maybe even out of fear of their life changing so abruptly. I think the longer someone is married the harder it is to leave what is familiar (even though it may not be a loving relationship) and go to the unknown of a new relationship, or even the fear of ending up alone. I don't think that just because he has "cheated" on his wife means that he would do that in his next relationship. That's very unfair to categorize anyone like that.Sassyl, I too feel like an idiot for being in love with a married man. But I trust my heart and I trust his. Take some time and really sort out your feelings before leaping into anything. Follow your heart honey. If you don't, the "what-ifs" will constantly be there. At the very least it sounds as if you have a wonderful friend in your soulmate. Stay strong and I'll be thinking of you.

January 20, 2005
5:55 pm
sassyl
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Thanks to all of you for your helpful advice. I hope that I can sort it all out. I know that I'm not the first person to ever have to go through something like this, but it's a first time for me to fall for someone who is married. I did forget to mention, that even though my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, he is still married also! But him and his soon to be ex-wife have moved on, they just both procrastinate. What bothers me is my boyfriend can't see me, the real me. The "married guy" can! No one has ever really been able to read me like that before. I can talk to this man about anything, and talk and talk and talk! He has never been able to open up to anyone, until me. Not even his wife. I know it sounds terrible that he has cheated on his wife, and that should tell me about his character. That's not always true! He has stayed with her for so many years because of his kids. He lives for his kids. My boyfriends' scheduale and mine just don't mix, and it seems like he's never around, especially for my daughter. The "married guy" lives a simple life like I do, and knows how important it is to be around the ones you care about. He has made me see things in a whole new way. The "married guy" and I have spent alot time together this past year, that I can't seem to put out of my head, or my heart. Nights under the stars, evenings in the warm rain with the moon staring down at us. Long talks, and laughing about absolutely nothing at times! That's not something you can find everyday. The "what-if's" have been there. Every time I try to fix things with my boyfriend, they haunt me. Maybe with all the responses I got from all of you, I can try to sort harder. I know it shouldn't matter what everyong else thinks, but it's almost human nature. Thanks so much for your help.

January 20, 2005
6:00 pm
marley
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I hope that it works out for the two of you I really do. Here is an interesting thing on soul mates

So now, what is a Soul Mate. Soul Mates are those beings that we have had connections with in past lives. They may have been our parents, siblings, spouses, friends, etc. and they have agreed to come back to join us again. The reason for this rejoining is so that we can each achieve balance in our lives. Our Soul Mates represent our spiritual family. By connecting with them we are reminded of the resonance of our Soul and also they help us to wake up and remember our purpose. Most of the time when we think of Soul Mates we are thinking of love relationships, but we can have Soul Mates that join us for business partnerships, healing relationships, and yes, love relationships. Any relationship we can have is open to the arena of Soul Mates. They may be a teacher or minister or counselor who comes into our life and touches it deeply. Soul Mates are truly our friends from many lifetimes who come to play again with on this Earth. Often they come into our lives for a specific time or event. They may even come into a love relationship to assist us in a specific learning and then move on. Whatever the purpose of being in each others lives it is a beautiful experience. When you connect with your Soul Mate in a love relationship, you have, in effect, found your perfect mate for where you are in your development as a Soul.

January 20, 2005
6:47 pm
sassyl
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That is incredibly beautiful marley!
I love that. And that is exactly how the "married guy" makes me feel. It's not fair, but I can't say that about my boyfriend. My boyfriend is shallow. It's difficult because I am a deep individual, and so is the "married guy". We share the same thoughts, and feelings alot of times. We both appreciate the little things in life. His wife doesn't and my boyfriend doesn't either.
If you have anymore, keep 'em coming!
sassy

January 20, 2005
6:50 pm
marley
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Nah that is all I have for today, but isn't it nice? They also say that your soul mate will test you more than anyone else. It sounds like that is what is going on for both of you and the lessons that you are learning with commitment and trust and all those ties that bind. I seriously wish you both the best of luck. If you haven't seen the Engligh Patient - it is a great movie for soul mate stuff (although really sad at the end).

February 1, 2005
10:27 am
magi
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my soulmate is recently divorced lives with his girlfriend and has quite a few others plus three kids a medium to;ld me we were soulmates anmd i cant seny he felt familar should i follow my heart or my head as i am married also with 2 kids

February 1, 2005
11:12 am
balancesekr
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this man seems very unavailable and you are as well. i would start with the relationship you are currently in and see if things are salvagable. If not perhaps ending it is best. As far as your soulmate, it doesn't really matter what other people say, I don't care how many people tell me someone is my soulmate, you are the only one who can know that. I am trying so hard right now to own my own life and not listen to other people's advice on what is good for me. Only YOU know that. So why take advice from me 😉 all I can give to you is the facts, this guy has a girlfriend and YOU are married. You need to determine what is happening in your current relationship before pursuing a new one. That is what I would do.

February 1, 2005
1:36 pm
gingerleigh
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One can have many soul mates, not just one. Just because you connected with this one does not mean that you will never find a connection again. Balance has good advice.

February 1, 2005
2:32 pm
kathygy
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This man does not sound like your soulmate or anything. He is unavilable to you. Ignore what you were told about him and see if you can work on your marriage.

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