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my older brother touched me. what can i do?
February 10, 2009
9:43 am
confuseddd32
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when i was 13 years old, my older brother (He was 14 at the time) would come to my and my sisters room and say that his was to hot. then he would lay in my bed and i would go to sleep to find that most of the time he was in a compromising state when i woke up. (i.e. it always seemed like his hands were in awkward places)
one time when he came upstairs i stayed awake to confirm what i thought was true, and when he asked if i was asleep i didn't answer. he then proceeded to unclip my bra, pull down my panties, and he did things to me. i then found out that this had been happening about once a week for months.
it was almost a year later that we found out that he had been physically and sexually abused by his older friend and had been keeping it a secret. after he was enrolled in counselling, the touching stopped. even though it stopped, i still feel extremely uncomfortable around him. my parents don't know about it and are constantly trying to put us together and make us best friends, but even being in the same room is very hard for me.
it's been a year since it had been happening, and the only person i told was my sister, and she said, "boys will be boys, don't be a drama queen."
after that i didn't feel comfortable telling anybody, i just made myself forget. but lately i have been exhibiting strongs signs of sexual-abuse induced depression. i don't want to tell my parents about it because i dont want my brother to go to juvy and i realize that he only did that after being nearly raped, but i can't pretend it didn't happen and i don't want to be alone with him, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. What Can I Do????????

February 10, 2009
10:33 am
Randomwomen2
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Hi sweetheart I am so sorry about what happened to you. I understand the want to protect your brother but by not saying anything the likely hood of him doing this again later is much more likely. He is going to need a diffrent kind of help. You need to help your self as well sweetheart. You are also going to need therapy I am so sorry for your pain sweetheart and you wouldnt be a drama queen you need help just like he does

February 10, 2009
11:46 am
confuseddd32
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but like i said, after therapy, he stopped touching me. and im scared that he is going to just turn this around on me and say that im lying and just looking for attention, and since he's my parents greatest achievment they will believe him i think. i just dont want him anywhere near me and i want to know how to make the depression go away. and most of all i want to know that i'm not just making a mole hill into a mountain. i think i am going to confront my brother though, because, for some strange reason, he doesn't seem to understand why i can't stand being around him and he keeps trying to please my parents by becoming my best friend in the world. i can't tell my parents though, he really is a good guy, and he has a great future ahead of him, and he stopped, i just can't tell them. they probably wouldn't believe me anyways.

February 10, 2009
11:48 am
Randomwomen2
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Sweetheart what you need to understand though is that it is a big deal I do understand what led him to do what he did but it was still not ok.

February 10, 2009
12:23 pm
Lluvia
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Does it feel like after therapy you think your brothers 'better' and you dont want to tell your parents because it wil seem like youre going to cause a mess and YOU yourself be put to blame?

February 10, 2009
2:46 pm
confuseddd32
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yes i really do think that my brother has gotten past it, but i don't want to tell because, not only would that cause a mess for him, i thinl that if the future he has worked very hard to build is out at stake, he might turn it on me, i'm not quite sure that he would, but he has been known to do drastic thinks in times of trouble. but also, i dont want my brother to lose his future, and by having to bring that time back around, it would bring back a time that was hard for both of us. and im also scared that my dad would like kill him if he did believe me, and i think that after a while of talking about it and ripping open thise scars, he would, and he would lose his temper. he wouldnt physically hurt my brother (i think) but he would probably do something very rash like sending him to boarding school or military school or kicking him out altogether.

February 10, 2009
5:14 pm
Lluvia
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wow...same here but my brothers older. Hes been engaged for 2 now 3 years has a baby and doesnt do drugs drink smoke anymore and got out of the gangster life and i think if i talk my brother would get his progress ruined and my dad would kick him out of our house and all. Im 16 by the way. But i just cant face the people who hurt me as a kid anymore without keeping it together. Around them i feel beyond awful and a switch goes off and im weird. Im so sorry for what youre going through.

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