You must be logged in to post Login Register


Register? | Lost Your Password?

Search Forums:


 






Wildcard Usage:
*    matches any number of characters
%    matches exactly one character

My ex girlfriend will not leave me alone

UserPost

1:31 pm
March 26, 2007


Antagonist

New Member

posts -1

Hi everyone,

I am somewhat stuck at a dilemma. Just as the title of the thread mentions, my ex-girlfriend will simply not leave me alone. I loved and still care for this girl alot, but she has done nothing but hurt me. Some people on this board might have read my previous threads. During summer she basically broke up with me and ended up getting with my bestfriend. I don't know what I was thinking but couple of months after that I ended up talking with her and forgave her and got back together. All was well until January when she just started acting like a child and going back to her old ways. We broke up and that was that.

Almost a month later she calls me and straight up asks me to just have sex with her. I do whatever I can to evade her. This kept happening for almost all throughout February. Last time I talked to her I tried to understand what the hell is going on in her head but again she ended up cursing me out, yelling at me and telling me that she will never call me and ask for sex again. That was fine with me.

I ended up having my cell phone number changed just incase if she ever tries to call me again for sex. I have morals and standards and won't just let her use me like that. Almost 15 days later she ends up e-mailing me. She basically said that on a weekend she drank a little and ended up calling me but the call didn't go through. She wants to see if everything is alright. I didn't bother replying to her, no point in that.

A week later she ended up calling my house. My mother (I am a college student living at home) ended up picking up. My mom has been informed of all the hell I have gone through with this girl and she had previously found out how at one point my ex girlfriend had her mom curse me out over the phone. So basically my mom decided to pay her back and basically told my ex girlfriend that I am fine and have changed my cell phone number and to not call here again.

This happened on Saturday. Now I am worried if she will again try to get ahold of me. The last time I talked to this girl I clearly told her not to talk to me again. She has messed me up to the point where I don't want to know and deal with anything about her. It's like she won't take no for an answer. What should I do? Will she try to get in touch again?

PS. Sorry about the long read. I tried to make it as short as possible.

1:43 pm
March 26, 2007


mj

New Member

posts -1

It sounds like your mom handled her recent call really nicely. Worry is inhibiting your happiness. Choose to enjoy your day and know that it is your choice to worry or be happy. I am a worrier so I can so relate :)

1:47 pm
March 26, 2007


Shaney

Member

posts 4

Hi antagonist -

Unfortunately, rejection is a strong motivator. You would THINK that your blatant resistance would get her to stop, but it seems to be fueling her fire even more. HOPEFULLY, the conversation with your mom, will be her last attempt at contacting you. I would be humiliated if my exboyfriend's mother told me to stop calling! I can't even imagine.

There's always that possibility that she'll try again, so just be prepared. If you have caller id, don't answer. Avoid her at all cost. If, for some reason, she manages to get through on the phone, hang up once you realize it's her and don't allow her to communicate with you. If she sees you somewhere, and comes up to you. Walk away, ignore her, don't talk to her – do whatever you can to get away from her. Eventually, she'll give up. If she doesn't, you may have to get some sort of restraining order against her. I know that's pretty drastic, but she'd know you were serious FOR SURE, then. Good luck.

1:55 pm
March 26, 2007


atalose

Member

posts 18

Plan ahead, decide what you will do if she calls again and stick to it. If she does call again it can be considered harrassment and you can get a restraining order against her. That way she will have to explain to a judge why she continues to harrass you after you clearly have told her to stop.
We never want to take things to that level but often they push us to.
If you feel that may be too harsh then you are not serious about her NOT CALLING you again and it may continue.
When we have plans in place and make decisions ahead of time, the worrying about the what if's come to an end because we know exactely what we will do. Plan Ahead…..

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

3:24 pm
March 26, 2007


revelation

New Member

posts -1

Oh you poor thing. This girl has issues!!! I think you may have heard the last from her, it sounds like your mum was very firm….I'd be so embarressed if I were her…she is behaving so badly.

You need now to maintain no contact. You have changed your cell phone, let your mum answer the phone at home and all should be ok!

If she tries to approach you in the street you need to simply say "I don't want to speak to you, please leave me alone" as nicely and calmly as possible and then just walk away.

She may want to know why your mum asked her not to call the house again, well you have nothing to explain.

Rev.

3:56 pm
March 26, 2007


Antagonist

New Member

posts -1

It feels like a part of me wants to be firm about not talking to her while another part of me wants to talk to her.

I would have no problem with talking to her if she would want to talk about something productive such as what were the things we did wrong to each other and how we can work out a friendship that we can be friends and just that.

She doesn't want to have a relationship with me and doesn't want to be my friend cause she clearly states "we have nothing to talk about" and yet she only wants to talk to me when she wants to have sex. She justifies it as we are both comfortable with each other, both have no STDs and etc etc.

In all honesty I think she just wants to use me and from any angle I look at this I can't try to change my mind. I am really sick and tired of her playing mind games with me. I have already told her that I don't want to be a sex buddy for her but it seems like she is trying all this to somehow make me change my mind. Like if she calls a month later I might be horny enough to take up the offer or something…

My friends who know about this tell me that she isn't going to stop. She probably won't call the house line again but she will eventually end up e-mailing me again. I really hope I won't end up collapsing under the pressure by her.

4:23 pm
March 26, 2007


Shaney

Member

posts 4

I think that no contact with her is best for YOU, and for her. It will create that separation that you two obviously need right now. She needs to get over the rejection and move on, while you need to have a chance to clear your head and just get past these mixed feelings you're having. It's just all too upsetting. If there is some time and distance between the two of you, MAYBE you could be friends again… but at this point I don't even think a friendship is in the cards. She admittedly feels that there is nothing to talk about… which leads me to believe that she doesn't even care about a friendship… now, or even later.

She's a game player… she wants you when she wants you… and only on her terms. I think it's best just to draw a really firm line in the sand and stand behind it. She'll get the message and give up eventually.

5:40 pm
March 26, 2007


bonni

New Member

posts -1

Stay firm. Rely on your plan to continue to reject her advances. block her calls. And get distracted by something else.

good luck. hopefully she'll find her dignity soon.

bonni

7:24 pm
March 26, 2007


truthBtold

New Member

posts -1

Antongonist,

I can sadly, see both sides of this coin.

First and foremost, you should continue to cease all ties with this woman. She is not stable.

On the other hand, though this is NOT meant to try and persude you by ANY MEANS to contact her, perhaps it will simply offer insight as to why she behaves like this if for your own information.

I too, in the past have acted in this similar fashion, though it is really hard for me to admit this – and I might be wrong in this particular instance – but I have acted this way in the past because I felt deep down that the "only thing that I was good for was sex."

This incorrect conclusion about myself came from my upbringing thanks to "good ole dad" and if a man was not interested in me in a sexual way and rejected me in this way….it really screwed with my head…..like trying to place something square into something that was round, you know?

It's really fucked up!

Anyway, she's bad news and can not handle "just a friendship." so I think that it's best to just continue doing what you are doing and avoid her at all costs because only she can figure this out in her own due time and you can not help her to do that!!!!!!

Hope that I've helped.

1:43 am
March 27, 2007


Antagonist

New Member

posts -1

Thanks for all your replies. I appriciate the time and effor everyone has put to help me.

I honestly don't know how I can describe my feelings about her. I loved her so much I would've gone to the end of earth for her and back. I told her so many times that if we both were done with school I would have married her right off the bat (this was before shit hit the fan). Many times I told her that she is so beautiful and gorgeous I could spend the rest of my life with her and never be tired of her. Deep down inside I know I was a great boyfriend for her and treated her very kindly…yet she would always say I don't give her enough affection.

Now after all this, I want to hate her, I want to be angry at her but I can't. Even after all the pain she has caused me I still care for her. I guess I am stupid to not be able to get rid of these emotions and feelings. I mean what else is it going to take to make me understand? she slept with my bestfriend! sigh.

-truthBtold

I understand what you are describing for me, but I honestly don't know if her self esteem is so low that she thinks that is all she is good for. I mean at one point before I changed my number I talked to her and told her she is more valuable than this and she shouldn't just use her body to get attention. That if one day I am not around she shouldn't go and get with the first guy that she can.

I want to not care about what she does. I want to just say to hell with it, whatever she does is her decision… but I can't. I worry about her, it's driving me nuts. She shouldn't do this to herself. I thought I was caring enough of a boyfriend to show her that. All I know is that I can't help her, I'm pretty much a wreck at the moment and any contact with her will ruin me more. All I can do is pray that she will be ok and she will not do something that she will regret later down the road. I don't want revenge…I don't want her to get hurt. Wounds heal and life goes on, what happened to me is ok. I'll eventually get back on my feet and move forward and I don't want her to feel the same pain I did. No one deserves to feel that.

2:19 am
March 27, 2007


hbdude2k

New Member

posts -1

I had one like that and I ended up telling her I am dating and don't call or drive by to see me. That ended it quick. However different excuses work different ways….

2:41 am
March 27, 2007


Worried_Dad

Member

posts 43

Hi, Antagonist,

Of course in this story I think of you as the Protagonist.

Do you owe this girl money or still have her car or key to her condo or anything that she can use as a pretext for contact with you? If so, fix that ASAP.

First, make real sure that you have very firmly, and publicly, and in a kind way, told the woman that you are absolutely through and that you don't want any contact with her at all, ever, ever again.

I recommend that you take extra special care to ensure that you are never ever in a position where you might be alone with her even for a minute.

When people refuse to let exes go, and they refuse to take "no" for an answer, it is kind of a bad sign. Be careful.

9:12 pm
March 27, 2007


atalose

Member

posts 18

It's so hard when you are feeling so ambivielent towards her. You are not going to be able to fix this situation or fix your emotions until you decide which side of the fence you are going to stay on. The side where you allow her selfishness to dictate your life and what you do or the side where you stand your ground of totaly ending contact with her.
Her behavior will only continue if you allow it. She will continue to e-mail you if you respond to any of hers. She will continue to call you if you respond to her calls.
You are giving her more power over you and your emotions then I think you want to. You need to take a side and get yourself and your emotions out of the middle.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

10:23 pm
March 27, 2007


Antagonist

New Member

posts -1

atalose,

aside from that im scared shitless from her. She clearly said that the reason she got with my bestfriend during summer was because she was pissed at me.

If she did that only because she was pissed at me, god knows what she is going to do now…

my mind is playing tricks on me now. I'm scared if she is going to get with another one of my friends to just mess with me even more.

10:06 am
March 28, 2007


Antagonist

New Member

posts -1

Anyone else got any input on this?

10:26 am
March 28, 2007


atalose

Member

posts 18

Well, if she does get with one of your friends, how much of a friend could they really be? There is an unwritten rule about that for both guys and girls and those that break that rule are not our friends at all.
I understand your being scared of what future actions she might take, but you can't control that no matter what you do.
Take control of your mind and your emotions to longer you keep her in your mind the longer she has control over you.
Have you begun to see any other woman? Is there anyone you might be interested in?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

10:35 am
March 28, 2007


Antagonist

New Member

posts -1

atalose,

This might sound really stupid and im sorry for that but im somwhat trying to get back to my old self before I start getting intrested in another girl.

This ex of mine was a girl that I got intrested in right after another relationship of mine. Both relationships were back to back…and look at the outcome.

I don't want to be going round and round in a loop. Also, the level of paranoia in my head is crazy. It feels like I can't trust anyone anymore. I really don't think it's the right time for me to try to find another girl.

10:47 am
March 28, 2007


nappy

New Member

posts -1

Your mind is not playing tricks on you. It seem like you want this girl to keep coming after you.
You say you want her to STOP getting in contact with you, but then on the other hand, you are worrying about what she is doing and who she may get up with.
Either you want to be with her or you need to leave her alone.
You both are playing game but these games are no good.
She will leave you alone if you want her to but it seem like you don't.
I understand that you may still love her, even though she is not being the woman that you wish she could be but it is time for one of you to stop playing the game and if you think that it should be you then, it is time for you to start working on yourself and let your EX girlfriend go.
Sometimes it is US that keep prolonging the game of (I WANT YOU) (I DON'T WANT YOU) (I'M GOING TO HURT YOU BECAUSE YOU HURT ME)
If you want the calling to stop then you can put an end to it.
And that thing about calling to have sex, well that is a game also. She is a woman, you are a man. Either you want to or you don't. That is her thinking. When she calls you are not hanging up, you are talking to her. You are asking her what is wrong or what is going on with her and then that is when all hell break out. To avoid all of that, just hang up.
You don't owe her anything.
But like worried dad ask, do you have anything of her's that makes her wanting it back? Do she have something on you? If she don't, then leave her alone.
And if you both can not handle being friends in the flesh, then I suggest that you let her be a friend in heart.
Nappy!

10:51 am
March 28, 2007


atalose

Member

posts 18

I understand and I am glad to hear that you are getting yourself together before another relationship.
I understand your not trusting anyone after what happened. It's so disappointing when we realize are friends are not really our friends.
What about the guy friends, are you able to talk with them about that situation and possible a repeat?
What about that friend that did go with her, are you still friends with him?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

10:59 am
March 28, 2007


gracenotes

New Member

posts -1

Antagonist,

You really have to make a commitment to not want to have contact with her. No Contact is the only answer that will give you any peace and put an end to all this pain, but I am not convinced that you are even there in being able to do this.

I do not think you are ready for another relationship at all. You current relationship is an unhealed mess. I think you need to cut the cord here and figure out what is keeping you involved in this sick situation. What are you afraid of?

If you were dealing with this from your healthy side, you would recognize that she is harassing you, you would send her an ultimatum to stop any further contact with you, you would not respond to any of her responses, and you would let her know that you will get a restraining order if she does not stop bothering you. That is the reality of the situation.

If you are not ready and able to do this, then I really think you need to look at your motives. This situation is not going to get any better, it is only going to get worse. It could even lead to her stalking you. I don't think you want that. I am not saying any of this is easy. This is all about many of our struggles her, but you are so addicted to her right you, that I don't think you are thinking clearly. Maybe you need to educate yourself about codependency, love addiction, what harassment is, etc. There is a lot of information on his board and in many books and websites. What do you really want?

11:07 am
March 28, 2007


Antagonist

New Member

posts -1

atalose,

I have completely cut off all contact with the guy who got with her. At one point he even tried to apologize to me and I still kept to my no contact decision. I'm not gonna accept his apology after that. You can't apologize after something like that and get away with it.

There is only one friend of mine I fear of her getting with, and I have talked to him many times about this. Everytime I have brought it up he has said that it will never happen. He was with me the night I caught my "bestfriend" with her. He saw exactly what I went through. Anyways, he says it will never happen… what makes me be paranoid about this is that the guy who got with her said the same exact things so it's hard for me to believe.

I don't talk to my friends about this much anymore cause I am sure they are sick about hearing me bitch and moan about this over and over.

nappy,

Ofcourse I want her to keep trying ot make contact with me. I won't deny that. I don't know about you but it's really hard for me to break off all contact with someone I care about so much. Now that she just wants to make contact with me for sex and childish games etc etc. I don't want her to talk to me. Her actions just end up hurting me.

11:29 am
March 28, 2007


Antagonist

New Member

posts -1

So does this mean I am confused out of my head, not knowing what I want and basically out of luck with no hope?

11:51 am
March 28, 2007


nappy

New Member

posts -1

This is what you wrote:

"I have completely cut off all contact with the guy who got with her. At one point he even tried to apologize to me and I still kept to my no contact decision. I'm not gonna accept his apology after that. You can't apologize after something like that and get away with it."

My question is what do you want from your ex?

Nappy!

12:45 pm
March 28, 2007


Antagonist

New Member

posts -1

At this point I don't want anything from her. You guys said to make a decision and a plan and stick to it. Well I am going to do just that. I don't expect anything from her. I am going to keep with the no contact plan and let time do it's thing.

Like I have said before, I changed my phone number and haven't replied to her e-mail. I doubt she will be calling my house line anymore either.

Other than that I don't know what else I can do. I am just sick and tired of this.

1:36 pm
March 28, 2007


nappy

New Member

posts -1

Well first off, let me congratulate you on being honest with yourself. You are starting to make the right decision for yourself and your well being. It will take time but you will get to the other side of not being confuse about this person.

The only reason why I had copied what you had written was that if you can stop no contact with your friend, you can stop no contact with her. You said it yourself that this is nothing that you can just get over and say, well these are just my friends, NO
you need to time to heal and you need to get her out of your system.

You are doing right my friend, just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Nappy!


About the AllAboutCounseling.com Forum

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
68 Guests

Currently Browsing this Topic:
1 Guest

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 37864
Posts: 717555

Membership:

There are 82778 Members
There have been 41 Guests

There are 3 Admins
There is 1 Moderator

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass – 1086
zarathustra – 562
StronginHim77 – 453
2013ways – 419
curious64 – 408
free – 372

Recent New Members: admin

Administrators: ShiningLight (523 Posts), admin (21 Posts), emily430 (0 Posts)

Moderators: devadmin (0 Posts)


 

Copyright © 2014 Internet Brands, Inc. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Health Disclaimer | Cookies