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mom just died and husband is cold
March 25, 2006
11:04 pm
katarina
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My Mom just passed away on March 17th. In all the two weeks I was in LA my husband never came out to see my mom at ucla hospital. We lived two and a half hours away. I called him and asked after her surgery could we let her stay with us? He didn't say a thing. Then after she passed away I told him after the services could we just go away to Vegas to get my mind off of her passing. He told me no he had to go trapshooting that weekend he was to busy. I sat at my moms grave today in the rain fo two hours. My dad and sister stayed here for two days after the viewing and the funeral yesterday he was put off by it. My heart is breaking.

March 25, 2006
11:28 pm
on my way
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so you must be feeling very alone and abandoned right now.

March 25, 2006
11:33 pm
caliseth
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katarina,dear

hi, hope you have the interior force to deal with things there. don't loose your life in denial, katarina. i respect your lost, and how you must be feeling, but hey, life has much to offer and don't see things all black now, you did what you could for your mom. this should make you confident, your mom surely must want that you go on with your life and be that sspecial person you are. about your husband, well, maybe he is not that expresive in words, you know some man are like that, but it does not mean that he don't care for you. enough you have with your mom to feel bad for your husband's behavior. focus on yourself, and now, do some activities that mantain your spirit up.
i hope this encourage you, katarina.

my best

cali

March 26, 2006
3:20 am
bonita1
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Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss, katarina. Having lost my own mother 6 years ago, I know the loss of a mother is at times difficult to bear. What has helped me is to remember her as healthy and able to walk without pain and to think that she is like this once more in heaven.

kindly,

~~bonita

March 26, 2006
4:04 am
free2choose
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Wow, not only do you have to deal with the loss of you mom, but also the absence of your husband.

I have a question.

Is he usually this distant, or do you generally have a good relationship. Has he always been so cold and distant or is this new?

Did it start recently? What do you think caused it.

I have a confession. Sometimes, especially when I am already stressed myself, I tend to pull away from my partner when she is really emotionally needy. I do this because sometimes I am just so overwhelmed by HEr emotion, and my own inability to "fix" it or make it better, that I just pull away, from fear, I guess.

Could this be it with your hubby?

Please, keep posting, and know you are not alone. I will keep you, your mom, and your hubby in my prayers.

With deep love and sympathy,
Erica

March 26, 2006
11:34 am
Zinnie
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Hi Katarina,

I just lost my Mom too. It still seems like a dream that she is now gone.

Different people deal with death and loss in different ways. Have you talked with your husband about how he is making you feel?

I know with the loss of my own Mom, it became so glaringly apparent how each of our families deal with the loss of someone. My husband's family tends to (in my opinion) overdo the funeral and mourning. My Mom's service, to me was one to be envied as it was a tribute to her life, and although it was a chance to say goodbye to Mom, it was also a happy occasion.

I miss my Mom like crazy, although my Mom could also make me crazy... but, I am forever grateful that she is now free from her pain.

Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

Love,

Z.

March 26, 2006
2:37 pm
katarina
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Just to let you guys know, yes he is like this. He is cold. I like a idiot think he would change from being this way. stupid me. His parents were cold to him also. But, that is not my problem. Ok. like today for instance. I was so upset last night that I slept in the living room. He never once came out and checked on me. Amd he went trapshooting today! Hello my moms funeral was two days ago. Why am I so afraid to be alone that I would put up with this type of behavior? I am so codepemdent! It is so hard to be tough when your heart is breaking. Thanks you guys you are great to me.

March 26, 2006
2:40 pm
mamacinnamon
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Katrina:

((((( hugs )))))

Im sorry to hear about your mom. Please always remember that she is now watching over you. Make her proud. :)

March 26, 2006
2:41 pm
mamacinnamon
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just saw your new post... you need to talk?

March 26, 2006
2:45 pm
guest_guest
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hi (((katarina))), I'm just here to give a hug also. It must be very tough on you. You'll come through.

March 26, 2006
2:51 pm
mj
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Grief, loss, and feeling like our family doesn't care. Feel your feelings. They are all valid. Sorry you feel like no one cares. We care. Take the time to read your first thread and know that lots reached out to you too. Sorry for your loss.

March 26, 2006
2:53 pm
readyforachange
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katarina....I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time alone. It must be very hard for you to lose your mother and to know that your husband cannot be there to support you. You say that he has always been cold and distant. Do you have anyone else that you can turn to for support? Friends, family, a minister at your church? Try to reach out to someone, and keep coming here. We'll be here for you. I will be praying for you. ((((katarina))))

March 26, 2006
7:04 pm
taj64
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Im sorry for the loss of your mother. I remember writng to you earlier. Your husband will come around. Everyone reacts to death differently. Maybe he just doesn't know how to reach out to you so he shuts down. I am sure he cares very much. You have a lot of people here that are with you right now. And I am one of them. I will say a prayer for you tonight.

March 26, 2006
8:55 pm
Rasputin
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Kat - I am so sorry sweetheart for the loss of your mom!

My heart goes out to you as well for the reaction of your hubby. However, I agree with Free/Erica. I think sometimes people pull back out of fear or confusion that they won't be able to handle or help out. They themselves are overwhelmed or burdened by their own troubles.

Nevertheless, do not give up on your marriage. Not just coz hubby seems cold you should walk away. Try to stretch yourself, seek couples counseling, therapy etc. But do NOT give up so quickly on your marriage.

I've never been married b4, so I cannot judge. But I heard once a married person say that marriage is not easy.

So honey take it from here and make a pledge or set a goal that you would work hard to make your marriage work.

There is good book (I haven't read it yet), entitled "Making marriage work" by Joyce Meyer. I love this writer and have read many of her books. Why not invest in some self-help books beside couples counseling as well?

You & hubby are in my prayers!

(((Hugs)))

March 26, 2006
9:49 pm
Zinnie
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Katarina,

Do you and your husband get along otherwise? Does he recognize that you have needs and that marriage is a partnership?

Perhaps this is his way of dealing with grief.

Z.

April 1, 2006
8:42 pm
amykinsmdwest
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((((Katrina))))

I am so sorry about your loss.

I hope you have a way to take care of yourself and a safe place to express your feelings.

When my aunt called to confirm my worst fears were true - my father had died inside his house and that is why I could not get in touch with him - I started screaming and crying hysterically.

My aunt told me to stop screaming - that was okay - I felt a little better to realize I had the ability to do so - my husband said in wheedling tones - he was old (he was 63; is that old?) he was sick, you just have to accept it.

Not to hijack your post, Katrina, but I do know from experience that you have to surround yourself with supportive people when you experience such a loss, and if that person is not your husband, I hope your father and sister and you can share and that you can find other people to be supportive and listen.

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