Funny this topic comes up. Lately I've been struggling with the same thing, krazykk! I was thinking about it last night and my husband jokingly said I need a punching bag in our new basement, something I could beat on and relieve some of my pent up aggression. Reading what mj wrote and thinking about it — I feel at loose ends lately, waiting for my classes to start, feeling somewhat crappy because of work — not EMS but my professional job. I'm the youngest employed at my office. I'm the second out of four, as far as seniority goes. But sometimes I feel that because of my looks and my age I don't get the perks associated with my seniority. Just minor things but they rankle me. Yesterday was a bad day. I feel like when I bring up an issue that is bothering me, I get the verbal of a pat pat on the head and the issue slides away and nothing is ever done. But everyone likes me, so it's very frustrating. I'll bet if I had sensible shoes and a nice bun on top of my head people would take me more serious professionally. Don't get me wrong, I'm the one who is good with the computers, I can figure most anything out on them but as far as…ok. Example. I sometimes go to other offices and work there, in my company. This began when I started here five and a half years ago. Back then it was because I was the peon. I had almost three years under my belt in this field then, but started over here, at the bottom of the ladder. So now fastforward ahead and we've two newer employees. Yesterday my boss comes out and says, can you work in (another office) Monday and Thurs next week? I said, actually no, I'd rather not, could you send (our summer intern) instead? He says, I already told them you would so…. and goes back in his office. I waited five minutes to ensure a calmer air and betook myself to his office and we visited. I outlined that I was hired to be a fulltime person in our office and only had to fill in occasionally back then cuz I was the newest employee, which I am not anymore. This is not my job description and while I do like to see the other employees and get along with all of them just fine, this office is where I was hired to work. I frankly said it's a pain (for various reasons related to my profession.) He listened and when I was all done said, "Well you work so fast and so well and everyone likes you so they ask for you. And (the intern) isn't trained to do all the things you are. So…" And that was that. Pat the blonde on the head and ignore her legitimate point. Tata. Off with you dear. OOOOOOOHHHHH! Like I said, sensible shoes and a bun and I bet things would be different. I'd look more responsible or something. Not fair.
So, things like that really trip me off. I did calm down on the way home tho because I decided to transfer the next time there's an opening in our main office. It's actually a little closer to our new home, and in the same town as the EMS unit I am on call for during the week a few times. Also, my mom lives in that town and it's a bigger town, with readier access to bigger stores, dry cleaning, etc. So. Felt better once I decided on a course of action.
But yeah. Mj is right. I may have been ticked about the relatively little thing at work, but the bigger issue is my fear of things being out of my control, not going as I plan.
Sorry to ramble.:)