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Just gave up my child for adoption and i need help dealing

UserPost

1:45 pm
September 29, 2007


twinlover

New Member

posts -1

i got in a relationship for 3 months and he turned out to be an alcoholic/cockhead and started abusing me in front of my 5 year old twins so i left him to only find out i was pregnant i'm a single mom w twins and i just didn't think i could do it at this time in my life that was 2 days ago and i woke up today and i can't look at myself in mirror and stop crying any advise?

2:01 pm
September 29, 2007


soofoo

New Member

posts -1

Oh twinlover, you've done a very loving thing. Bless your heart and do not be ashamed. You are a hero.

2:38 pm
September 29, 2007


Randomwomen2

New Member

posts -1

((Twinlover))

2:41 pm
September 29, 2007


bonni

New Member

posts -1

((twinlover))

3:27 pm
September 29, 2007


Shaney

Member

posts 4

From a very realistic and level-headed standpoint, you did the right thing for everyone involved. I'm sure this wasn't an easy decision (obviously), but it was a very unselfish decision on your part. You KNEW the right thing to do, and it took a lot of courage and selflessness to go through with it. There's no shame in that whatsoever. You helped to make the life of one family complete. You gave your baby the opportunity to have the best life possible. You've given yourself the opportunity to give your twins a better life as well. I know this is difficult emotionally, and with some time, you'll heal. Nothing will ever completely extinguish the bond of a mother with her child, and maybe one day, you'll get the chance to recreate that bond. That will always be an option. Although this may feel like a door has been slammed on you … many many more doors have been open. And I think that the future may prove that point in greater ways than you've even thought about. You did the right thing. You're a brave woman who should be proud to look at herself in the mirror. :o) Take care of yourself honey – Shaney

3:33 pm
September 29, 2007


Jenni

New Member

posts -1

((((((((twinlover))))))))

You absolutely did the right thing! You still gave this child life and opportunities. And for this, you should be commended!

I, too, have twins, (now 19 yrs. old) and another one a year behind them, (now 18.) I fortunately had support from family, but I don't know how I would have done it otherwise.

Kudos to you for removing yourself from a destructive and abusive relationship, and expanding the opportunities for the baby AND for taking care of your twins and showing them that abuse is NOT acceptable in any form!

You made a very wise and selfless choice, and you put the needs of the child first. What a great example you are.

Just remember, doing what's "best" isn't always what's "easy", so this means you are strong and the rewards will be great!

(((((((twinlover)))))))

3:43 pm
September 29, 2007


twinlover

New Member

posts -1

thank you and i do know this and i thought perpairing myself for nine months was going to make this alittle easier but i can't sleep, eat, or stop sobing to the point that i can hardly breath and i don't know how i'm going to make it through this.and tomorrow is the day i have to go back to the hospital to sign all the papers and it's killing me inside i don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!don't even have the twins with me right now b/c i can't have them see me like this

9:07 pm
September 29, 2007


taj64

New Member

posts -1

Hello Welcome. I am a twin. there is something special about twins. Im very sorry you had to give up your new baby. It is very hard at first. Maybe you could get professional counseling. All this time, you have prepared but it is here and it is hard. You could still change your mind. Just be sure you have the trust you need to listen to the right ones in this decision. Be sure you are 100 percent in your decision. It doesn't matter what everyone else says or what it looks like on paper or what it appears on paper, ultimatley it is what you want and for your baby. Good luck, Im sure you know what you want deep down and go with that.You will not regret it. It is one that is personal, not made lightly, best interest for YOU and YOUR BABY, together. I hope it works out for you.

9:59 pm
September 29, 2007


Tiger Trainer

Member

posts 5

(twinlover)You made a very very hard choice and my heart goes out to you. I think you are doing the right thing and I will pray that you will be comforted.

11:45 pm
September 29, 2007


fantas

Member

posts 14

(((Twinlover))) I do not know what to say but trust yourself and believe that all will be well. Please seek counselling!

11:41 am
September 30, 2007


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

I feel sad for you but your baby is wanted in this new family, right? I think that´s the most important thing for the baby. Not that you dont want your baby but you cant deal with three small lchildren, right? So you are doing the unselfish thing, as Shaney said. You are thinking of all of you. You yourself need to be there for your twins, I think giving them up for adoption would really be a hard thing. So go ahead, sign the papers and remember this child will always have three best mothers: the adopted mom, you and first of all Father-Mother-G*d! Each will always have a role in your child´s life. It could be great if you can contact your child at some point but dont worry about it too much. And since this is a sensitive issue, try keeping it to yourself and discuss with apropriate people, such as a counselor. Many times we open our wounds to the wrong people and get more hurt. Best,

12:40 pm
September 30, 2007


twinlover

New Member

posts -1

yes the baby is wanted by these people i made sure i got to know them and i really know that they will care and love my baby but that doesn't make it any easier as i thought it would have. now, in a way i'm jelous of her, but today is alittle better got a couple hours sleep and haven't cried yet.also one of my requests was that twice a year they have to send me a letter and pictures to update me on him also when i'm able to sit down and write it he'll have a letter from me when it comes time to tell him that he was adopted.i just needed to hear words of support and thats what you guys have provided and it really is helping so to you all who lended a so called computer ear, thank you from the bottom of my heart i can come here when i'm down
THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!

4:15 pm
September 30, 2007


thewall

New Member

posts -1

(((twinlover)))).

Such a loving but tough decision you just made. Bless you for making a couple very happy and blessed with your new baby boy.

If you continue to struggle with this, perhaps there is free counseling at a crisis pregnancy center in your town. I know our town offers that even after delivery.
(((((twinlover)))))

1:10 am
October 1, 2007


chelonia mydas

Member

posts 7

(((Twinlover)))

You are such a strong and caring person to do this. You are putting the needs of your family first, even if it breaks your heart. You son will always be your son- you gave him life and by giving him up when you lack the resources- you give him more opportunities that he might not have otherwise. You also will be able to give more of your time, energy and resources to your twins- which will give them opportunities that they might not have otherwise.

What you are doing is selfless and difficult- but in the best interests of the greater good for all of your children.

Sending you hugs and strength to help you through this difficult time,

Chelonia

7:38 am
October 1, 2007


wannabe

New Member

posts -1

Hugs….

8:15 am
October 1, 2007


eurogurl

New Member

posts -1

youre baby needs YOU

8:35 am
October 1, 2007


chelonia mydas

Member

posts 7

Your baby needs YOU to be the adult you are being and do what is in his best interests and the best interests of the other children as well. Being a mom is never easy and sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing in the world to do.

Sending you extra support and hugs today.

8:38 am
October 1, 2007


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Did you have time to deciede this? If your still in tears, maybe you need more time? I think this is a big step here myself, not sure I could be that unselfish myself here, would prolly live in poverty vs giving it away, that is me howeveer, I grew up poor but we always managed somehow. Your other two children have a sibling here, will they get to know her or him? I hope so…I have a friend who was adopted, she never forgave her mother for that, she never understood cause her mom had eight other kids but somehow did not take her in…I am not trying to be a wet towel here, or drain out any pep party here, I am trying to encourage you to be SURE, the family who adopts your child, hopefully they been screened by a reputable adoption agency? Is this being done legal channels, do you have it all in writing that you can seee your child and keep contact…I hope you had protected yourself legally here, I hope so. My heart goes out to your child, I met so many who were adopted, never knew their birthfamilies but did have wonderful relationships with a family who could love them and take care of them..I have to give you much credit for choosing life here..so in that, I thank you…please do take that precautions if you had not already, these kind of things shoyld always invovled lawyers and screenings to protect the birth mother and her child…best wishes to you on this horrible journey.

9:09 am
October 1, 2007


risingfromtheashes

st regis falls, ny

Member

posts 14

twinlover,

as everyone has already said – you did the ultimately UNSelfish thing – and your baby is blessed to be brought into this world by such a loving, considerate, kind mother.

Give yourself time and permission to grieve. You carried this little one for nine months – you bonded – and now you don't have him in your arms.

It is a devestating experience – but you will heal IN TIME…in YOUR OWN TIME.

Have you gotten any counseling with this? any support groups? sometimes it helps if you have someone else who understands what you are going thru.

When I was in college, my best friend gave up her baby – I could NOT imagine how she could do it – and I was not much of a friend, cuz I was at a loss for what to say or do – so I wasn't around much those days. I now regret that – cuz I know that's when she needed me most.

Anyway – reach out to people you love – ASK for support – reach out…find some support groups if you can.

And understand that your kids may not understand why mom is so sad, but that's ok – they KNEW you were pregnant, and now there is no baby…so now is a good time to explain that in kid friendly terms – and how it makes you sad…kids will understand.

I am sorry for all your pain…I wish there was a magic fairy I could send to take it all away.

9:31 am
October 1, 2007


twinlover

New Member

posts -1

well today is another hard day. maybe b/c i had to go and sign some papers yeasterday and the dad had to be there.he went this whole time acting like he didn't care wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. now yeasterday when i was cring he was rubbing my back i even saw a tear fall from under his sun glasses. than he called me this morning and said he can't sleep he didn't go to work. where the f@*k was he the last 9 months when i was alone and needed someone?now i still have 45 days to revoke my name from those papers.i reslly don't know how i'm getting through all these days. all your support is helping though i come here every day now hoping someone was here to lift up my day and there is thanks again i'm so glad i found this web site i need this.

10:18 am
October 1, 2007


Shaney

Member

posts 4

I'm sure today wasn't easy, but sometimes the anticipation is worse than the actual event. I know it's that way with me – I can really get myself worked up emotionally sometimes. The 45 days may seem like a lifetime of waiting, but the day after day, you keep handling whatever comes your way. Give yourself the credit that you deserve. As hard as this is, you're doing it. You're finding the strength. Pretty soon, the worst of this will be behind you. As for the baby's dad – I'm sure it was hard for him too. His absence during your pregnancy probably had nothing to do with NOT caring. In fact, it seems quite the opposite. He probably didn't have the strength to handle the situation. Thank God you did. Try to reward yourself every day, even if it's something very small.

8:01 pm
October 1, 2007


Tiger Trainer

Member

posts 5

keep going every day twinlover. Love your twins. YOu will never forget this baby you are giving to another home but it will get easier. You are doing a brave unselfish thing.

9:02 pm
October 1, 2007


fantas

Member

posts 14

(((Twinlover))) Hang in there and take it one day at a time. This must be very difficult for you. I can even begin to imagine what you are experiencing. Watch out for the baby dad, I wouldn't be surprised if he used this incident to warm his way back into your life. Keep posting!

5:42 am
October 2, 2007


aimlessranting

New Member

posts -1

TwinLover…

I was adopted when I was a toddler, so I know a ton about adoption. I am now 22, and I recently found my birth mom.

Kinda like you, it wasn't the right time in her life to try and take care of a new baby. Her circumstances were different than yours but she had a decision to make.

I cannot ever even begin to think of my life without the family that I have now. They are more than amazing and support me in my decisions as a member of the family. But…I cannot also forget the woman who gave me life. In a society where abortion is so often used as a "quick fix" you are to be commended for your Christ-Like love in giving your baby a chance at a life you didnt think you could provide.

Now that the adoption in over 22 years over, my birth mom is starting to doubt what she did…a little late huh?! I have told her over and over again that she made the best decision that she knew possible. Mothers are given a very special gift, and they know when its time to move on. You are part of your son. He has your smile, your eyes, your hair, etc. Your blood runs in his vains… There will someday come a day where you will sit where my mom sits and be on the receving end of an e-mail from your son telling you how greatful he is that you made the decision to let someone else raise him.

Giving your child up for adoption does NOT mean that you are a bad parent. It means the opposite. There are times in all of our lives that we just cant cope or deal with the cards that we have been dealt. I believe that you have made the right choice. Keep close to the adoptive parents and pray for your baby.

I am going to get off here now…I want to leave with you a poem that I wrote to my birth mom. It came from the heart…

Decisions

All she knows lately are sleepless nights, pacing the cold wooden floor,
Where there is no one to hear her audible shiver, regardless of the hot August night.
With a heavy heart and swollen eyes, another tearful prayer is raised towards heaven.

A decision must be made, regarding the baby she carries inside.

She can feel the baby’s kick, has heard his beating heart,
Oh how she has wished that she wasn’t all alone, in her lonely world of dark.
She tried to sleep, but yet again, the memories of the past haunt her,
And the voices in her head continuously taunt her.

The baby’s born, and she holds him close,
Oh, what will bless him most?
Should she keep him as her own, or to another’s arms let him go.

How can she choose, what will prove to be the best?
Her silent tears fall onto her newborns chest.

The day has come, her decision has been made,
And another mother walks her way.
The baby is walking, and his smile is bright,
And while it melts some hearts, it leaves a void in her life.

Quick as the wind, but silent as a fallen snow
The years will pass, and decisions are to be made, regarding work, life and play.

But the worry that lurks in the closet’s of her past
Cast uneasy shadows on her future.
Will she ever feel at peace,
With the decision she made years ago?

20 years have since passed, and just as the leaves begin to turn,
Someone from her past makes a decision and
An online search reveals what has been hidden.

Like a voice from the past, she hears from her son,
And learns of his childhood, the good and the bad.

Now she can sleep, the voices are hushed
As she begins to know that a decision made
At a particular low,
Proved to be the best after all.

8:56 am
October 2, 2007


thewall

New Member

posts -1

twinlover,

Yea, good question…where the f*** was he during your 9 mos of puking and waddling and moodiness? I would be furious too. I cant imagine what a very tough day you had yesterday. I think I woulda kicked his a** when I saw him tear up :)

(((twinlover)))


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