Wait stop hold it…..
"I'm trying hard to be the perfect roommate and girlfriend" ???????????
1) the roommate. find a new one. You are being the mom … she the teenager.
2) The boyfirend…are you thinking of marrying this guy? He won't ever change. He will always be judgemental and you will always be wlking on eggshells and if you have kids you'll have to protect them from his mean judgements.
You sound kind, caring and very coodependent.
I think you need to trust you instincts. And you need to surround yourself with friends that like you for YOU not what you could be or what you can do for them (keep the house picked up)
You are valuable even if you are messy. and even if you are not judgemental. I don';t think I would value those tow people's opinions more than I do my own. They are to narrow and shallow.