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Is it obvious he does not want me?

UserPost

10:53 am
May 8, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hello All, well were moving on the 30th we got the house we applied for and were so happy!

My sister has an appt today to see the doctor so hopefully we will get the ball rolling on her meds and whatever else she needs done. She has been in such pain that she was taking meds from others and overdrugging herself which is easy to do when your in pain.

TS was it your husband who had to do excercises for his ears? What kind my son and sister always have trouble with their ears as well.

Thank you all for your support
Take Care
Bel

ps I won the door prize at our employee picnic and I was not even there! I have to go find out what it is! :-))

12:37 pm
May 8, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Cool Bel it sounds like things are turning in a good direction for you…I am glad that your sister gets to see the doctor today,,,have they done and MRI? Wow Congrats on your house that is really awesome news!!!! So you getting all packed up?
TS I guess it is a good thing he did not have to have the tubes put in, believe me if the exercises help him he will do them, ever since my back surgery if I do not do my exercises my back starts hurting uncontrollably and my leg starts feeling a little numb but if I do my exercises like I am supposed to then it seems I am ok and in less pain….Guess all of our households have alot going on…

12:43 pm
May 8, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

So tell me ladies is it wrong for me to be annoyed with my sister because she told me that her husband wanted to come watch my daughter perform at her school but now since the perfomance is later she said that he has to stay home with the stupid dog because the dog has been alone all day and needs a break, I just feel like if it were my neice then they would be all about it..I just feel like they have always favored her completely, anything for that kid, I am so annoyed…

2:01 pm
May 8, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

I think school programs and things involving our kids are always hard to deal with. My parents and my husband's parents only live a couple of hours away but you would think it was a million miles away. I feel sorry for my daughter when I am the only one at her piano recital or whatever because daddy is out of town, brother isn't interested, and grandparents can't come. I can understand your frustration but try to not let your daughter see it. She will be happy to have you there. Will your sister be there but just not your brother-in-law?

2:45 pm
May 8, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

No nobody aside from me will be there, My sister's dog seems to be more important, I guess the reason I am so bent out of shape is because since my daughter's real dad is such a loser and is not in her life my brother in law is what my daughter looks for as a father figure, whenever my niece has anything going on they always are there for her even though she has a mom and step dad and her real father is at least somewhat in the picture, I just feel like they favor her and the fact that he had told my daughter he would go and now has to stay home so the damn dog can have some company is ridiculous to me..I am really irritated…I just have always felt like their reasoning for favoring my niece another sister's daughter is wrong…."Oh poor little X her mom is so mean to her….Who cares, the child is hateful herself, I guess I have issues

10:36 pm
May 8, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

CD-I know that anger…only it was with my ex-in-laws. They never attended any school function for my kids, my fatherinlaw saw a couple of my son's first baseball practices, maybe 1 or 2 of his football games, he was 6!!! He played both for 5 years. My two brother in laws were very sports minded. They were ex's half brothers. When his brother's kid started sports, the whole frigin family went, to every game, they even all went to watch my brother in law COACH high school football. Never saw my daughter dance, cheer, sing, or make 1ST communion. They came to mass once to see her as an altar server and complained. I used to be hurt, but it was all THEIR loss. They missed seeing some great moments with my kids. And now, my kids don't even see them, and honestly I doubt the in-laws miss them much. A freakin' dog??? Yes, I would be pissed, why do we always have to sit back, accept everything and not make waves??? I agree that you shouldn't show it in front of your daughter, as much as I wanted to tell my kids how angry their uncles and grandparents made me and how f-ed up they were, I didn't. As they got older, they reached that conclusion on their own.
My neighbor is starting to bore me. I figured since he said the phone rings both ways, I'd call to see how his final went. Not much to say, he was tired, and I didn't have much to say to him, so the call ended real quick. I'm started to get frustrated over all this friend shit, with him, with the girls here at the complex, with my friend at work. Do you ever get like that? I think I really need a get away…I wanted my friend from KY to come here for Memorial Day weekend, she wants me to come there instead and I just might do that. Can I please come to Randy Travis, that will be awesome. I'm not a big country fan but I think he's pretty good. I'm going to see Dixie Chics June 1st, despite what they did. Hate to lose out on the money for the ticket. I don't feel right in my skin tonite, and I don't know why. Well TGIF

10:39 pm
May 8, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hey Bel!!
TS-yes, my daughter is on medicine for the thyroid…has been since about age 11. She actually has a goiter. Her condition was discovered during a long period of illness when we thought she had leukemia and was about to get a bone marrow biopsy. Thank God it wasn't that, but because of all the illness, the thyroid condition was uncovered. It was hard regulating her for awhile and getting her to remember and always take the med, but she does real good now. Thanks for asking.

5:51 pm
May 12, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

My daughter was lovely in her school dance, she looked so precious with the big skirt, she fluttered like a butterfly…I figured as long as I was there that was all that mattered, the most important person in her life….there was a little girl there that was dropped off just to perform but no relative stayed to watch her performance…how sad huh? I am sure there are plenty of kids like her : (
No word on whether Chris will get a job offer or not yet, no change in that no decision has been reached so please keep praying for him..I get to see him tonight, I haven't seen him since last Monday, thought I'd cancel on him tonight but I just couldn't choose not to see him, feel like I am not running the relationship..Soso I know what you mean about getting bored, sometimes I just want to give up on Chris for good, it gets old being the one that wants the relationship so badly like me,
Had a wonderful time at the Randy Travis concert, he sang awesome and told jokes..he was a excellent with the crowd, a very people person….

6:02 pm
May 12, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hi CD and Sosos,
I am so glad that you enjoyed your daughter's dance performance. You are right that she was probably just so happy to have you in the audience clapping for her. Next week my daughter has her piano recital and my husband will be out of town. Grandparents live a little too far away to just drive down for that. I think I am going to strongly encourage my son to go to his sister's performance. It is hard when other families have a jillion people there to see the child perform.

Hang in there with Chris. I take it that he didn't come to the Randy Travis concert or bring his daughter this weekend? Glad that you enjoyed it though. I think I would really enjoy seeing him perform too.

Sosos, I'm glad that medication is controlling your daughter's thyroid condition. It is hard to get kids to remember to take medicine when it is a daily thing. I have enough trouble remembering to take all of my medicine each day. Have a great week.

10:36 pm
May 12, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

I'm sure daughter had a wonderful performance, and was just beaming to see Mom watching…that was all that mattered to her at that moment. How was your Mother's Day? Once again I had a wonderful weekend with my neighbor, and this is like the 4th occasion that he was there and made it nice. What will I do with him??? Tomorrow is his surgery, and it's 10:30 pm. He ate dinner here but was to call me for dessert (and I really mean dessert!!) so I didn't give him well wishes. But he hasn't called yet, so on this occasion I will call him to say, Good Luck and I'll be thinkin' bout him. Say a prayer, please. I think you're ok to go about your life and do as you please and see Chris when you can. That's good for now and it seems to be working for you.
TS- yes, getting her to take the meds was a problem for a long time, but we're pretty ok with it now. But the dr. has now added an anti-depressant, so we start again with remembering a new pill. She'll be ok, though, thanks for asking.

9:28 am
May 13, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hrllo Ladies….Soso, Good Luck to your neighbor, I hope the surgery is a success, Best Wishes….
TS I bet your daughters recital will be beautiful, when I was a child my parents didn't have much money but they bought me piano lesson 4-6 grade it was awesome, I remeber learining this huge piece where you cross one hand over the other, I amazed myself to be able to play such a beautiful piece, the sad part was I didn't understand reading the music much, I just learned the piece by heart but I remember my recital and how nervous and excited I was…I bet she will be beautiful, Yes I hope your son can make the recital…I tried to take piano in college, and I actually started to comprehend music reading by now but then I only took it for one semester because I figured I better concentrate on the subjects i would need to graduate.
Chris, he came over last night..I didn't feel to excited to see him and when he tried to warm up to me, I felt like I couldn't warm up to him, I stated that I am starting to get used to not having him around…it didn't look like anything he wanted to listen to so he simply hugged me tightly, then I got scared that he would leave and never return so I told him I was sorry that I just miss him so much and I feel like he doesn't miss me or need me…I am scared that the distance in time may be more than I can handle???? : (
I know I love him but I think he will kill it with time….

1:38 pm
May 13, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

What do you mean "he will kill it with time"? I think I sorta know what you mean. Only mine is different. I see him ALL THE TIME, but it goes no further. You don't see Chris enough for you and the time apart is getting. So we're both kinda drifting away mentally from these men but for different reasons. Is that telling us it's not meant to be? I wonder. I mean, I hope not but it is what it is. I don't know how much closer this friendship with my neighbor can get without it going any further. It's so weird, eventually I keep thinking that I'll meet another man, or he'll meet some girl and we won't be able to continue our lives this way. He spent all day Saturday with me and my family at my nephews birthday party here at the complex. He entertained my nephew all afternoon and it felt so "right", like he fit in with my family and me. He's great with kids, it's too bad he never had any of his own. I tell everyone "look, we're just friends", but they think otherwise because it appears otherwise, sad to say it's not. Well, his ex-girl did take him for surgery today, so I won't know how it went until tonite or tomorrow, and I worry. I gave him his dessert and a hug last night, I almost thought for a second he thought I would kiss him. Wanted to, but didn't. Keep him in your prayers, Thanks.

2:26 pm
May 13, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hi CD and Sosos,
Thanks for your kind words about my daughter's piano recital coming up next week. She is so neat. She gets a little nervous, which is natural, but she enjoys performing in front of people. She is also in dance and will have that performance on a Saturday. That is good because my husband is home on the weekends. I invited my parents and we will invite my husband's parents. His might come, but I have serious doubts whether or not mine will. My dad has been sick and Mom plays the martyr and won't do fun things without him. It is a 2 hour drive for both sets of grandparents but from opposite directions. It is their loss if they don't come because their granddaughter won't be young forever.

CD, I just hear this fear of losing Chris in your voice and I see you reacting in ways that aren't natural for you just to try to keep him. Try to just follow your instincts and heart on this one. If you can't be yourself and say what is on your heart to him then something is a little off. Just try to be true to yourself.

Sosos, it sounds like your guy is just very comfortable with your relationship the way it is and he is satisfied. It sounds like you are ready for something more though. You may have to come to the point where you are content with how things are (which it doesn't sound like you are) or talk about wanting more out of your relationship with him. It is a hard thing to do. I hope that it all works out for both you and CD with these guys. You both sound like great women!

Have a great day ladies.

4:30 pm
May 13, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

It is so confusing what I feel, lately I am not even really sure what I feel, I know I don't want anyone else, I guess I need to plant my own gardens instead of waiting for someone to bring me flowers…easier said than done…My relationship with Chris is not terrible but it is not perfect either and no relationships are perfect and he has been patient with me and is always very understanding, he doesn't want to force me to do anything and he always asks that I speak my mind but I guess I hold back alot because I am afraid, afraid of him not accepting my love.
TS this is probably not a fair question and you do not have to answer if you do not feel comfortable and I hope it doesn't offend you, but do you ever resent your husband for needing to be gone? I know it is his job but does it ever really bother you? I feel like Chris and I have this really awesome relationship but I feel like he is out of town more than he is in town literally even though he lives 5 minutes from me????
Soso do you think that you would grow apart from your neighbor if he didn't live there for some reason.if he moved? My prayers are with your neighbor…
TS is your hubby feeling better?
Don't know how to deal with all this anger I have building up inside with this woman at work, I wish she would get hit by a car!!!!!
If it was not for this woman I would be happy at the office but I hate her so much it makes me hate my job and dread going to work, I have nightmares about her…I had a really awful nightmare I wrote about in " I want to kill myself"..it was about my mom the night before mothers day, I guess because she talks about it all the time…any advice on how to deal with all this fear/anger/resentment?

9:31 pm
May 13, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hi CD,
I don't mind you asking me things at all. As far as my husband goes, I resent the fact that he can focus on what he needs to get done, go back to the hotel room, go to the whirlpool if he wants to, go to bed when he wants to, and not have to deal with anyone but himself once he leaves work. But, for me, that is greatly offset by the fact that I need my kids and need to be involved in their lives. I would feel so alone without them. If I had to choose whether to be gone like he is or be here and struggle with the day-to-day issues, then I would choose the struggles. It is much easier for me when he is physically gone than when he is home and really still gone.

I can tell that you are dealing with all of those feelings that you mentioned-anger,fear, resentment. You are going through a lot of emotions right now and your nightmare would definitely be a cause of distress. When I read your dream I almost thought it had really happened. It scared me for you. Are you in any kind of counseling? Sometimes it helps just to have someone to vent to that can give you feedback and suggestions.

I am glad that you are able to write on here and vent. This lady at work sounds like a pain in the butt. Do you have to work closely with her? Too bad there isn't some way that you could just tune her out or find a way to stay away from her. I know that is probably not possible. Don't give her that much power to control you like that. She isn't worth it.

Take care and hang in there. Keep writing and sharing. You will get through this. :)
Love, TS

11:41 am
May 14, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hello ladies, "He got the job" He got the job! I am so happy and so Thankful to God and to everyone for their prayers….
I hope it will help our relationship, the wait has helped us get somewhat closer, now I can pretty much pick up the phone and call him but only get to see him once a week, He believes you should only call if you have something important to say, he doens't believe people should just call because….anyhow, he came by last night to see me and we talked but when I tried to warm up to him he seemed cold and told me he wasn't in the mood and left pretty soon after that…I started to be whiney but then told myself that I wasn't going to beg for his attention so I simply told him i was so happy he got the job, kissed his hands and told him to drive home safe…He did mention that he wanted to do something nice and special for me since i helped him get the job and so he said since i have a bad back and he thinks my bed is too soft he wants to buy me a new bed??I told him that he didn't need to buy me anything, I told him I was simply happy that he got the job and he said I want to buy you a new bed for your back…I don't understand him sometimes, does he love me or not…
I am not going to any therapist but I do feel it would do me a world of good to see one, my mothers illness with depression has always been a big stress factor, I feel impotent and don't know how to help her anymore, I am all out of answers, I know what you mean about struggles, My daughter is the best thing in my life and my life it is all about her …
Bel how are you? Hi Soso : )
Thanks for your advice TS and yes I do have to work with that old wench, she actually covers the receptionist desk when I am away and covers my breaks, she purposely shows up late to cover my breaks , completely shuts down my computer and doesn't use absolutely any common sense and laughs by herself I am sure so that I will know that she is laughing at me, call me paranoid…she stand at the fax machine when I am on the phone just to listen..I start talking in Spanish if I can so she will be annoyed…I hate her….

5:42 am
May 15, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Best wishes to him! I'm glad he got the job, let him buy the dam bed!!!
I didn't read your story yet about your mom, but am so sorry for what you're going through. It's funny, once you start writing about things on this thread and opening up, you find you're not alone in so many different ways. You see, CD, my mom attempted suicide when I was very young. I think I told you about my Dad and brother, it was about a year after she lost my brother. Life was so screwed up then, and she had an alcoholic new husband. I was all of 11 years old. For years, everytime she was depressed or angry with us kids, she'd remind us of it and she wished no one found her, and how that's all she wants, etc. I guess the sick feeling in me just went away once I was on my own with my own family to take care of. My mom's been a great mom in so many ways, and a great granma, but how she talked about this for years made me a constant nervous wreck. She still does it sometimes, but she's 74, it's been 32 years since her attempt, and basically I just ignore it now. My neighbors surgery went well, no tumor, but needs to go back for some huge kidney stones. I wish I could make you laugh like I did to my girlfriend over the phone, but somehow typing the words just wouldn't be as fun. He had a stent put in attached to some long strings that came out the you know what! And he showed me!!! So, I kinda had fun with that and made a few comments to him, I have to admit I cracked myself up. He has just been a doll, though, and it gets worse for me. I can't stand a day to pass without hearing from him. My daughter had her appt. with the counselor and the ex yesterday. It went well, we had to give him a ride there, he took us to eat afterwards, and wants to be all lovey-dovey, but I was so on edge and just wanted to get home since I didn't get to see my neighbor after work yesterday and check on him. We get home, stuffed from this dinner we had, and he calls to come over with a huge plate of stuffed shells and spaghetti. My daughter and I just giggled, told him we couldn't eat another thing and would have it tomorrow. I'm falling hard I think, and just when I thought I could manage this as friendship. I think the more I'm around my ex, the more I see the qualities I like so much in my neighbor that my ex never had. My ex can still pull my heart strings alot, but I don't want him back. I'm real emotional right now. This is getting long, thanks to you guys for reading!!!
TS- It sucks to hear your husband's crazy schedule, but you sound so well adjusted to all of it, I commend you. And you must handle your daily struggles so well, to be so comfortable to talk about how much you enjoy it. Great Lady!!

9:00 am
May 15, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hey Sosos,
Good to hear from you. You are the amazing one. I think you are doing great with handling your ex and your neighbor. Sounds like you have a great time with your neighbor and can laugh a lot. Just enjoy the time you are getting to spend with him for now and don't worry about where it is going. Just enjoy today.

As far as my husband goes, I am fairly well adjusted to him being gone throughout the week because sometimes when he is home it is so much harder to deal with different things that go on. He is a very type A behavior all through the work day and then he totally crashes when he comes home from work. It is easier for me with him gone because I just have to worry about the kids and me. I miss the emotional closeness though. It is hard to pick back up with things when he is only home on the weekends. If I start to talk about missing him then my emotions start to get out of whack because it is hard, but I think you get used to and deal with what you have to. It isn't a matter of liking it, but just dealing with it. I am having to learn how to be much more independent and take charge of different things around here. It has been good for me but hard at times.

Just enjoy the time with your neighbor and I am glad that your daughter and ex's counseling session went well. You sound like you have things pretty well together and I think you are doing great!

12:46 pm
May 15, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hi CD, IM doing fine thanks for asking. IM getting ready to move to a house from a townhouse so looking forward to more space.

Its great your friend got the job congrats to him and you for helping him out.

Its really to bad that he has a rule that you can only see him once a week. But its all up to you if you want to put up with that. I have done the very same thing in the past but I finally decided I wanted more than he could or would give me and went my own way.

Hope your doing okay.

1:26 pm
May 15, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

More Space that is awesome, I went from a 1 bedroom home to a two bedroom apartment so I have a ton of space and it makes life a whole lot easier for me…
Did your sisters appt. go okay?
Soso, that is funny about your neighbor, glad the appt for your daughter and ex went good, sounds like you are really trying for your kids to get along with him..I can imagine that would be stressful…
TS how are things going for you around your homefront? How is your daugher?

5:20 pm
May 15, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

CD-I go back to the title of this thread, and can't seem to answer it for either of us. I mean, it's obvious your neighbor still wants you, he remains in the picture. It's obvious my neighbor wants me in his life, but things remain the same. We both have highs and lows with it. Maybe that's just life happening. I sometimes wonder if I'm expecting too much too soon. For you, it's different, you've invested some time in the "relationship" sense. And for the most part, it seems to be working out. Maybe we're being taught to be patient, and the reward will be somewhere down the line and may not be the reward we expect right now?? Does that sound crazy?
I can't imagine giving him up in my life for any reason, but I fear that time may come. If I'm still writing the same shit about him 6 months from now, PLEASE smack me!

9:24 am
May 16, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hey Soso, I know exactly what you mean..yes it seems like we do write the same stuff, but since i have been with Chris I have seen big patience in myself, I use to run, try to run to pretty much anyone that wanted me, I just wanted someone that wanted me…but know I feel like Chris has stretched me farther than I thought I could stretch myself, if someone asked me for space in the past I went what they call psycho and called more and showed up unannouned, now when Chris asked me for space I thought maybe if I actually give the space things will turn out positive, I feel like I am older and maybe he is worth the wait, yes there are moments when I loose faith but other than not giving me more time which more time for me may come with more time, and if no other women have ever met his son maybe in some way I just need to prove myself to him…..like the divorce decree, him saying it has never been important for him to show it to anyone whether they believe or not and he showed it to me, baby steps…my only fear is getting old and never marrying…? Can't have any more kids due to my spinal fusion so that is not why I want to marry, just the idea of sharing my life with him and growing old together…? Any comments?

4:30 pm
May 16, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

ok I don't understand my own self, I don't understand what I am doing…I am feeling that wiliting flower feeling. Yesterday morning I called him to wish him a happy first day at the new job and asked him to give me a call at night to le tme know how the first day went, well, yes I should have already known I was only waisting my breathe, he didn't call and I already knew he wouldn't…He doesn't have his son this weekend but I am sure he will go out with his friends and really celebrate the fact that he got a job while I sit at home, when he left my apt on Tuesday he said he would see me next Monday, I am so tired of this, and I know I only do this to myself and I know that he will do it as long as I allow it, the only thing I can do is not see him on Monday when he is ready to see me, I guess at some point I have to start standing up for myself with some dignity. I feel my feelings changing, all I can feel lately is resentment for him, for not wanting me, for not needing me, for not missing me…do I ask for too much? ?? I just want him to make me feel as important as I make him feel but I really don't think it is in him so therefore I am finally coming to the conclusion that he doens't love me even if it hurts me, that is the reality. So if he doesn't call me tonight that may be it : ( I will work on gathering strength for Monday night. I am so tired of feeling inept and worthless, I know I am a beautiful person even if he can't see that maybe someone else will some other day…..I am so sad, I know people have worse problem than me I just feel so sad but i am thankful that he got the job at least if we break up I want feel guilty like I am making him more down when he is already down.

11:40 am
May 18, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Isn't it amazing how cautious we become with "our" contact with them, "our" feelings, then we get the nerve to do something so simple, like making the phone call you made, and end up with such huge disappointment and sadness? I have to wonder if they even realize the message their responses send us. Like my neighbor not understanding how the bike ride thing made me so upset. How do we get to the point where it's ok to make the call, make the contact, but without allowing their response to affect us negatively in any way? Good question. Maybe it lies in acceptance, either we accept that it's not always going to be the answer or outcome we want, and we either accept it or change "us". It's OK to accept it, as long as we can do that and still enjoy the day. I am trying desperately to "accept" what we have. It has become the most awesome friendship I have, and I guess I'm accepting the fact that right now, that is all that the relationship is. I know that I will be sad when he entertains the next "visitor" or has a date, but I cannot choose his life for him, so I'll have to make the best of that day when it happens. It has become so intense lately, it feels like nothing more than just having seperate bedrooms!!! I spend more time with him, than anyone else in my life right now, except my daughter.Hey, he did graduate this weekend after 6 long part-time years!!! He's feeling alot better after surgery. AND, for THE REALLY BIG NEWS, I think my home is sold!!! As long as all goes through ok, the elephant is off my back. So, overall life is good if I concentrate on the positives. And I've been reading alot of daily "gratitude" thoughts. That helps. Take care!!!

9:52 pm
May 19, 2003


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

Hi Everybody! As long as financing goes through, the house is sold. I won't profit much, but at least it will be done and I'll have alittle cash to PAY BILLS! Of course, who was I to think I'd have enought for the debts and maybe buy some furniture, or a little vacation??? Oh well, such is life. Saw the ex two days in a row, and everytime I see him, I want to run faster to my neighbor, this is crazy. I think I've fallen, and this closeness scares me cuz one day something will give. To put this relationship in words is difficult (yeh right, I've only been doing that for the past 6 months), but it is hard to be in it and yet explain to the outside. I never dreamed I would have such a close relationship with a man in my life and still be "just friends". I thought maybe this Sat. something felt different, but NOPE, went on my merry way home. Whatever happens it will be big, one way or the other!!! Looking forward to a long weekend, God knows I need it. Bye all.


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