Hi, Pythios. That was an honest post. Just one thing…I think over the course of their years most people hit at least one long terrible stretch…it might be suffering over the illness and loss of someone very dear, and having a long aftermath of grieving and learning to live again without the person. Often people have a hard, hard time physical pain and limitation…that often, not always, comes later in life.
This won't give you much solace today, but consider how massively important the work you are doing now, finding your way is, to your happiness later in life. You'll be stronger for it; you'll know what to do in hard times; you'll have built your personality, sometimes brick by brick, inch by inch.
This is your life's work now, and I'll bet it's a fulltime job…I bet you put in 40 hours a week on it.
The difficult blessing…and I think it is a blessing…is that you're working on it…by what you say, you're building, even when days are black and you honestly want to go back to the hospital…you're doing it, because you're thinking forward to living out of your parents' house and finding a place in which you really like to live. You go, on that one, Pythios…we mostly live inside our own skin, but getting to a more congenial place DOES make a difference.
All the things: the job you want to stay with, the condo, the possessions, even a new circle of friends (if you're young, it is quite possible to outgrow a circle of friends and need to look for different ones) can be yours in due time. You can get them. It sounds like you're scheduled to get them a little later than some people you know, that's all.
Maybe the people you've compared yourself with haven't had any major life challenges yet to struggle with…their time and soul absorbing challenges will hit them later.
My very best.
There's an old book, William James' Varieties of Religious Experience. James was one of the first ones to listen to people's life stories of change. He wasn't necessarily talking about God or organized religion…he listened to people talking about transformation in themselves.
He observed that the stories people told of themselves fell into groups. There was a group that he called the "once-born"…these were people who seem to have grown up in one mental world…they seemed not to have much trouble with their own fit with the way they were taught that the world was…things seemed to be easy for them…
and then there was another big group (into which I'll bet many members of this site fit) he called the "twice-born" This group struggled with knowing that they were living in a situation that wasn't all that it could be. The twice born struggle with learning more about what can be…it's not obvious, you know, and as you say, it doesn't fit the world you're presently living in… and with changing their head and their actions, to learn to participate in a better world. Twice borners struggle more…they're in the process of being born… :)
I hope you stay and tell us how you are. People here care. As you'll read, if you haven't already, you can post anything, participate any way you want. We're all working on something, believe me.
I think you're doing something absolutely huge! No kidding. Things that life is REALLY made out of.
Hope that post wasn't too long, but I wanted to get in the James book.