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I treat my husband like a child

UserPost

8:00 pm
October 23, 2002


miche

New Member

posts -1

I just got married 3 months ago to a wonderful man. Recently I've started realizing that I treat him like a child and think of him as "childlike." He isn't responsible (he doesn't pick up after himself, bathe regularly, have a responsible career, take care of his car, etc.) Does that mean that I'm the enabler, and he's co-dependent? Am I also co-dependent, because I don't set healthy boundtries? Where does our marriage go from here? This is my second marriage and I really want this one to work.

8:33 am
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

Was he not this way 3 mths ago? Awwwwwww now you want to change or pick him apart at the seams……..ENCOURAGE don't discourage. 3 mths?

8:38 am
October 24, 2002


beenthruthat

New Member

posts -1

Hi miche~

Has he always had problems taking care of himself? Or just since you guys got married?

If it is since the marriage, it seems he's looking for a mommy. Actually, you may be co-dependant and looking for someone to be a caretaker for. Don't fool yourself that only weak people are co-dependant; most in the mommy role are extremely responsible and just love to put up with almost any behavior, taking the 'crumbs' of affection they get.

If that sounds like your situation, you need to stop this early! Believe me! I've been doing this for 10 years and my husband is getting to the point where I'll be wiping his behind after going to the bathroom!

He must take responsibility for his own life – even if you have to train him to do so.

Now, if he was like this before marriage, you might be looking at the situation and realize you married the wrong person. If that is the case, get out early!

Best of luck to you…

12:07 pm
October 24, 2002


site coordinator

New Member

posts -1

syqg,

What's the awwwwwwww's in some of your posts?

It feels critical to me… dunno, please explain. If it feels critical to me, then I am guessing it might feel that way to miche?

- SC

12:13 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

I am not being critical. What other posts are you referring? Again, I was talking like with a HMMMMMMMM. Thought process……… Her first line is "married to a wonderful man"……hmmmmmmmm. Just married? "Awwwwwwww" That's all nothing more or nothing less. :o)

12:16 pm
October 24, 2002


eve

New Member

posts -1

Did you take him right over from mommy? Did he live on his own prior to marriage? Did you live together before you married? Most men never learn how to keep a household while they're teens (hey you mothers out there: you should teach every young man those essentials!), and some need education about the simplest things.
For me that is the reason why I would never marry a guy I haven't lived whith before.

If you treat him like a child – he'll propably behave like a child and let you take care of those things he can't be bothered whith.

12:20 pm
October 24, 2002


site coordinator

New Member

posts -1

syqg,

Just asking if it's critical… it may not be, it just sounds that way to me that's why I ask.

One other awww of recent was in this thread on Oct 19:
Mother-in-Law Horning in on Baby Rearing

That's why I'm asking, cuz it sounds like a stinger.

- SC

12:20 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

Anyhow, Miche, I came to see where you are at? If things are okay? It just seems so strange to me on these problems so soon in your marriage. That's why I was asking about the 3 months…if it was month's, years? Anyhow, didn't have long to write yesterday(busy)……my advice, having been married for almost 11 years now is always, again, ENCOURAGE and not ever discouraged a spouse. Good luck.

12:23 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

SC……….did you read the whole post? I guess you did not. In know way is it a stinger. thank you. It is an expression. Did you read the whole post after the AWWWWWWw? Nowhere in that is a stinger……nowhere at all.

12:27 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

SC I have no idea what you are talking about. Why? Why try to start trouble with me? That's what I feel like. I went to that thread and on the Oct 19th. What are you talking about? It reads "Awwwwwwww the problem of people trying to tell you how to raise your children…or something like that……it's an expression…..it's like "Boy, do I know how you feel girl, been through that……" You obviously didn't read it all. I am not going to "defend" myself anymore about it. You have your oppinion and that is find……it's wrong……but your's just the same. I do not agree. I am not being critical…..here or there. I will not put Awwwwwww again. Better? Ok solved. :o)

12:31 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

Go to Oct 20th…….from the person to me…….."Thanks Syqg"…..guess the stinger did not poke through. :o)

12:31 pm
October 24, 2002


site coordinator

New Member

posts -1

syqg,

I'm not trying to start a debate on this, just asking.

You asked where else I read it, and that's why I added the info.

I've said AWWWWWWW (caps to boot) in my life a few times (and I try my absolute hardest not to say it ever anymore).

And I've heard people quite a few times (in my life) say "AWWWW"… and it always meant (at least in my life, it's always meant), "You poor little baby, whining and crying and complaing. Don't you know any better? Grow up and stop your complaing."

What else does awwww mean? Awww means hmmm? Maybe it does mean other things to other people, that's why I asked so it is clarified for miche and for myself.

Not here to argue or cause problems, I just wanted clarification on something, and to give you some feedback about that word… it means crappy things to me, and MAYBE to other people (?dunno about others, just me). Just wanted to give that info/feedback.

- SC

12:33 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

Have to read the whole post not just that word. And go to the person's response back to me……"thanx syqg", on Oct 20th.

12:43 pm
October 24, 2002


site coordinator

New Member

posts -1

syqg,

I know…

but that's not my point.

Ya 'really' never know HOW someone 'really' feels, do we? I mean, would everyone haul off and say, "SYQG!!! What the F****?".

Not everyone would, not even here. I agree your post was a good one, I'm just talking about one word, that has always meant 1 thing, and 1 thing only to me and most people I know (well heck, I'd have to say everyone I know who hears the pronounced word AWWWW, would think it means what I think). So I'm **JUST** cautioning you.

I agree it sounds like it means something different for you, and I'm glad. That's why I wanted miche to know if that's what you meant. Cuz that word, here, and on the other post, even in the middle of good feedback, still sounds negative to me… it's just the word. To me, it doesn't have a good use, but to you, it does.

That's why I asked. Just to clarify. K?

- SC

12:51 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

Well, okay. I don't think I'm the only one with an AWwwwww though in the whole world…….I mean think about it. lol (weird discussion on this Thursday afternoon) "Awwwwww now I get it Dad" "Awwwww look at that pretty baby" "Awwwww did you fall down?" "Awwwwww I hear ya chick!" "AWWWWWWWW water, I'm so thirsty". In other words, SC, it is defenitely not just the word, it is a combination of what goes before it, your expression while saying it, and your words after it……..clearly all of my expression was in that post on the Mother in law thread. Clearly the words, the compassion, the meaning were there……..maybe not in this post, so I tried to clear it up for you, but definitely in the other. So that lead me to question your intent on bringing it up…..that post I mean……no stinger……confused over here, but okay with confusion. lol Gonna happen in here anyway. No biggie. Just thought I'd clarify the word "awwww" alittle bit…….to be a stinger it has to have the mean spirit, expression and other negative words to make that one word a bag word. It is not bad alone, as I have given several examples of the word used positively. :o)

12:57 pm
October 24, 2002


site coordinator

New Member

posts -1

Okay Syqg,

Just saying use caution.

- SC

12:58 pm
October 24, 2002


Anonymous

New Member

posts -1

this reminds me of a situation about a month ago – i missed going to my group a couple weeks and the counselor called and left a msg on my machine and said she wanted to talk to me.

just hearing those words made me panic becuz, FOR ME , those words meant i was in trouble.

but just becuz she used words that sounded negative to me, didnt mean she meant it in a negative way. infact, she was just concerned and wanted to see if i was okay.

so i guess what im saying is that just becuz a word triggers something negative inside you – doesnt mean its negative or that everyone is going to percieve it that way.

1:00 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

Okay.

1:02 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

I agree Firefly.

1:04 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

Ever feel like you have wasted about 15 minutes out of your life? lmao

1:25 pm
October 24, 2002


Cici

New Member

posts -1

miche – I feel bad that your thread got hijacked. If you're still out there, talk a little more about your relationship. How long did you know hubby before you got married? Did his behavior change dramatically recently? Was it a gradual change? Or has he always been like this?

How do you feel about the marriage? Do you have children? Just something to marinate on….

1:29 pm
October 24, 2002


site coordinator

New Member

posts -1

syqg,

Okay, popped back here to see if there were any last comments.

Yep, firefly has it.

But your last comment sounds sarcastic syqg? Like it wasn't worth talking w/ me for 15mins? What does Imao mean? Probably explains it (I don't know shorthand online expressions) but I still hear sarcasm.

Can I give you some feedback?

Here's the feedback, "It's hard to give you feedback syqg."

These kinds of interactions, like above, make it hard, and really painstaking to give you feedback. I've got more feedback, and have had other times when I've wanted to give you feedback (the non-pats you have talked about) but I don't want to put it out here because I fear the 15+ minute endeavor you speak of.

- SC

1:31 pm
October 24, 2002


site coordinator

New Member

posts -1

Yes Cici,

It got hijacked, I apologize. Sometimes that happens.

I may choose to wipe this thread of the hijackings once we're done.

1:36 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

SC, I agree to disagree with you about the Awwww word. I feel I explained it. I don't know what you are talking about, the sarcasm…..it was jokingly done just like in my post to you up there about laughing at us "discussing" a word is all. But anyways, let's just agree then that on here we don't get eachother. If I tell you right now I'm not even close to being any way to you would you believe it? I find now that in any "discussion" I have with you, either the right way, a nondefessive way or whatever, either way you will "try", in my oppinion to pick at my words or actions or intent…….anyhow I was laughing my azz off(lmao) with you on that one not AT you. I choose to not talk then. I take your caution on the use of the word "Awwwww". I respect your oppionion on the word. I gave my view. I tried to make light of our discussion and you choose to see sarcasm. So, in other words, can we just drop it? To me it seems so trivial. Thanks. :o)

1:49 pm
October 24, 2002


syqg

New Member

posts -1

Why was it hard to give me feedback? Did I yell, attack, get mad, get defensive? No, no, no, no, no I did none of those things. I answered your question that you asked of me. I clarified what you wanted. I gave my view on the word Awwwwww. I smiled. I talked calmly. I laughed with you about us discussing it. And that is hijacking? I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm not angry. I'm not mad. I'm not being sarcastic. So….in a sense because I have been attacked in the past and chose back then to fight back in a "defensive" way then now I am labeled? Am I in a box forever? Maybe to you I am, but not to me. I am not in a box. I know what I feel right now, and I'm happy to say it is nothing of sarcasm, or meaness or wanting to "highjack" a thread. I was simply asked questions and answered them and tried to "ease" your mind.


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