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I just found out my dad sexually abused my sister
November 17, 2000
3:06 am
MrGuitar
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Hi. This is very very new to me. I just got off the phone with my sister (she's 22, I am 24). She just told me that our dad sexually abused her from the time she was 4 until she left for college. I am in utter disbelief right now. I am scared, and worried. It is the most disturbing feeling I have ever felt. I just cannot believe it is true. I am married now, but do not dare tell my wife our of shame. I have so many questions, and so much confusion, but I don't know who to talk to. Can anyone who has been in my situation please let me know. I would like to talk with you about this. Thank you.

November 17, 2000
4:54 pm
DV
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I am very sorry to hear about your sister. My first advise would be for you to tell your wife. This is not "Our Shame", You and your Dad are two seperate people. I don't believe that it is healthy to keep any secret from your mate. Your wife should be the one person that you can confide in and trust. I have been in your position, and believe me you need the love and support of someone. My dad abused my two younger sisters, and attempted to abuse me. Hiding what he did to protect Him, would have been wrong. It is something that needs to be delt with so that your sister can find healing. Your sister is the one that You need to be concerned about. I am sure that your wife will be a good source of refuge for both you and your sister. I pray that you will do what ever it takes to support her. Obviously, she trusts you or she would have never told you. She is very lucky to have you.

November 18, 2000
2:23 pm
MrGuitar
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I will eventually tell my wife, but here is my dillema. I am the only one my sister has told. She does not want me to tell my mom or my wife yet (this was her request). She is going to wait until after Christmas for the sake of our family. I have a 17 year old brother in his senior year of high school. When this comes out I know it will be incredibly hard for him at school. It will get out in the community as well. He is the only child left at home. I think that if I tell my wife, it will be too much of a burden on her. She is suffering with depression right now as it is, and I fear this added burden would break her. I feel like I have no one to turn to and must just deal with this on my own for a while. My sister and I live 1000 miles apart. Do you have any suggestions on the kind of impact this is going to have. Also, what legal action is going to be taken on my father. I still ove him, even though I am sickened and so disgusted by the mere thought of the things he did to my sister. Do you have any advice?

November 18, 2000
8:54 pm
janes
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Thereasons for waiting to "tell" seem valid. You are, of course, in shock. If your sister can wait until after the Holidays why not until your brother is out of school. If he is a senior it is not that long.

It's okay to still love him...but you con't have to even try to understand the abuser part on your own.

If your wife has depression why don't you seek out a good family counselor for your family. You need it, your wife may need it, later, if not now. You also need to strongly urge your sister into counseling now. NOW NOW!!!!

Don't cross any bridges (what is going to happen) until you come to them. You have not heard the "other side" of the story yet either. You don't know for sure what steps your sister is going to take.

What a case for living and loving your own personal family day by day and appreciating them for all the little things that are positive.

I am in no way saying abuse should be swept under the rug....but don't even think about being the judge and jury until it is time.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

November 24, 2000
10:42 am
rro
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dear i'm so sorry for what is happening with u and ur sis. but i have an advic i want u to take with it , ihave been abused from my dad and my uncl too ... for long long long tim at first i can't tell any one i was so afrid , can't trust any one even my sister and my slif .. having no friends cuse i'm fried of every thing ... one night i set with my selif and decided that i must do any thing just any thing to stop this . i went to my father work and i talled him that i will tell all of my sister and my grandmother and all of my family about what is happening ..thats will happend if he come over me agin ... and i did the same thing with my uncl ..
the truth my dad didnt come over me untell today and he wan't .. but my uncl trid to heat me many tims and talled my father that he sow me with some bad booys .. but i fait him cuse i wanna be happy with my life and i ccuseed now i'm happy doing what ever i want and me and my dad ,friends ...so let her face the prblem withe him alone andnot to let ur brother know anything about this .

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