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I am craving alcohol

UserPost

11:46 am
July 2, 2006


jewel

New Member

posts -1

I wish my cravings would just go away. I start pacing and get really irritated. My meds are helping a lot for my bipolar. Today my bf told me that I have been a lot nicer lately so that was nice to hear. I knew that I was feeling better, but I didn't hear from anyone else that I was acting nicer or anything. Almost 4 months for me everyone. One more week!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited. I did not think that my willpower was so high and I am doing this totally on my own. No counseling or friends or family helping me. It is like my secret with myself and aac. SHHHHHH!! I am doing just fine.

Jewel

12:28 pm
July 2, 2006


bubishi76

New Member

posts -1

Jewel,
I responded in my post but I wanna give you a little Power quote that I love and wanna share with you. "In the battle between the rock and the river, the river always wins….Not by strength, but by Perseverance" Basically Jewel, the alcohol is the rock…it seems at face value so strong and powerful a force. But you, are the river…as long as you persevere the way you are, with the inner will and determination you have…YOU will eventually erode that rock and beat this thing….Stay strong Sweetheart. Be the Best Jewel you can be……Oh, and I'll keep your secret….SShhhhh….Lots of love to ya Babe!!! Let me know if you need anything..

~Bubishi~

12:18 pm
July 3, 2006


jewel

New Member

posts -1

Thanks all for helping me in my desperate time in need of all the support that I can get. I don't have much time now so I will write more later. I am heading off to a respectable university for an appointment. I am really considering enrolling there after I get out of comm. college. Thanks so much bub for being there. I will post more later on my neverending battle of drinking wine.

Jewel

12:48 pm
July 3, 2006


DoTheyNetwork

New Member

posts -1

Go Jewel Go !!!!!!! :)

1:24 pm
July 3, 2006


D dog

New Member

posts -1

Hi Jewel –

I've been off the site for awhile, and was so pleased to tune in and see that you are still on track! As someone who struggles with the same issue on a daily basis, I can't tell you how much I respect your strength!

Four months is a long time and a great accomplishment. I lasted four days a week ago…then of course did the "I've been good, I can have a couple beers." Right back into it. Duh.

Don't quit quitting…as you've shown, it really is worth it. Thank you for sharing your experience!!

8:45 pm
July 3, 2006


jewel

New Member

posts -1

I am extremely upset. I am having a hard time with my alegebra class and doubt that I am going to get an A and I am beginning to feel discourged about going to a 4 year college b/c I feel too stupid. I am so close to buying some wine or a case of beer, but I can't. I hate life right now. I am going to go do the dishes to get my mind off of things.

Jewel

9:40 pm
July 3, 2006


2findpeece

New Member

posts -1

Hi Jewel,

Hang tight it is do-able, and you can get through. I quit alcohol and drugs 20 years ago and the thing that I realised was that I drank for many reasons but the one that got me the most was feeling down on myself. When that would happen I just wanted something that would burn me on the way down or give me an excuse to feel out of it or bad. In the beginning and even now sometimes I will drink a strong cup of black coffee slowly. It will give me a little of bit of that release until I get my bearings straight.

I didn't go to any groups or anything for this so I don't know if caffine is a no no or not but it worked for me.

You sound like you are a strong and intelligent woman to me. Someone very capable of college.

Oh..primal screams used to help me too! Top of my lungs in the car…I still do it sometimes.

Hang in there
2findpeece

9:41 pm
July 3, 2006


D dog

New Member

posts -1

Hey!

Quit the negative self-talk, girlie.

Look at what you have accomplished! You have cleansed yourself of the single most noxious substance known to mankind – you have TRIUMPHED over a horrible addiction that has ruined so, so many lives!

I quit math at Algebra II – I couldn't understand the concept of a matrix, it seemed stupid beyond belief. Still don't know what the point was.

Feeling stupid? Think how stupid I feel – I am 42 and have a great job and a nice home and a boyfriend who – although problematic – is willing to work things out…got it all, huh? Can't f**king stop drinking.

YOU have been true to yourself and your life. YOU have taken a bad situation and made it better. YOU will be okay, no matter how that class goes.

Focus, girl, focus! What's booze gonna do? Bring you down, down, down…A respite from the responsibility, sure – but a lie to yourself. You deserve better.

Much love and hugs goin' out –

- D -

10:26 pm
July 3, 2006


jewel

New Member

posts -1

Thanks to you d dog. I have wondered how you have been and 2findpeece. It is great to have support when you most need it. Now I am dealing with neighbors shooting off fireworks. I know they are all partying so I am going to put on my ac and watch a movie and enjoy my own company this fine evening.

Jewel

Maybe even beautify myself with a long bubble bath and a pedicure. I never do that. Make Jewel look sexy.

12:48 am
July 4, 2006


DoTheyNetwork

New Member

posts -1

jewel > I do not even want to think about a drink. ;) I get these young ladies – I do mean young enough to be my daughters pestering me. I was invited to the Fireworks tonight by a 5 foot 5 blonde -maybe 100 pounds with those wild and crazy kaleidoscope eyes where it is hard to tell what color they really are and she was hanging out with another blonde – Ahhhhhhh !!!!!!!

I do not know how I do it ! I heard one of them just got out of jail and and and there was another one there too. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

I am not even going to Looook at a beer……..

It seems that someone has told them stories – "From back in the day" You would think I was a Rack Star or something. Grrrrrrr !

I have turned off all of the lights in my home and closed the drapes in this room.

Oh My Gosh ! I have Goupies. ROLF
Noooooooooo Waaaaay !!!!!!!!!!!!

I have never tried a Bubble bath but mybe I just need a Cold Shower or I was thinking of turning on my garden hose just incase I get some late night visitors. Crap and one of them knows where I live because she gave me a ride home when my truck broke down awhile back.

The garden hose it is.

12:58 am
July 4, 2006


jewel

New Member

posts -1

You crack me up. Tonight I drank a million pepsi's. I don't even feel bad. It is terrible but at least I am not drunk.

Jewel

Now where do you live, do you want to see fireworks with me? Pretty please??? I am young 5 5 but brunette. Nevermind then. LOL!!!

2:20 am
July 4, 2006


DoTheyNetwork

New Member

posts -1

Ahhhhhhhhh ! Not another one. :) LOL

I am going to hide under the bed. :) Oh but I did have a Revelation just now. I have been wondering for the last year – Why these Young Ladies with tattos , headbands and lots of piercings seem to hoover around me at times. All I did tonight was run to the store to pick up a few things. Word travels fast in a small town and some of these girls were in the county lock-up for assorted things. AaaaHaaa ! ROLF

Now I do not know if I should be flattered or not. Maybe they think this old duffer is easy prey. Nnnnooot ! I have more escape moves then a Tom Cat in a junkyard full of dogs.

Maybe that is why the town witch never says hi to me while she is out walking in her black silk cape with the red lining and she has raven black hair. I escaped her mom in highschool and even on Halloween when she came in dressed like Vamprella and drove every boy in school mad.

Have a happy 4th of July and good night.
I have to get to bed or I will be up all night trying to figure it all out.

Oh shoot and that must be why some of the guys around town that try to look tough give me funny looks. The girls at the county jail have a crush on me. LOL And I do tease afew of them. " Stay away from the crack you little brats. Do you want to end up like my cousin ____ and they didnt even have crack when he was a kid. he is just goofy. "

Oh I get it now.
And to all a Happy 4th
dtn

2:21 am
July 4, 2006


DoTheyNetwork

New Member

posts -1

P.S. I am glad you did not drink. Three cheers for you. And I am glad I did not drink. :)

1:08 pm
July 4, 2006


StronginHim77

Member

posts 453

I am rooting for both of you!

- Strong

P.S. DoThey…you sure are funny!

3:49 pm
July 4, 2006


Bitt

New Member

posts -1

3:49 pm
July 4, 2006


Bitt

New Member

posts -1

3:57 pm
July 4, 2006


Bitt

New Member

posts -1

sorry for the 2 blank responses, I am new to this! I, too, am craving alcohol, and don't really even know why. Learning lots about codependency. Alcohol is ruining my life and I need to stop! Just can't figure out why I can't/ Have been in treatment 3 x. But it is great to see a success story such as yours. Please pray for me to have a victory soon!

5:40 pm
July 4, 2006


D dog

New Member

posts -1

Hi Bitt –

Just got out of the pool and am typing standing up…but wanted to reply as I am in the same proverbial boat…

I'm getting ready to give it up, too…one thing that has helped has been "journaling" – writing out the story of my childhood and looking at how the way I was raised shaped my life and my beliefs about myself…and my relationship with alcohol.

Digging deep and looking for answers…

Please post anytime – it's good to know I am not alone…

Congrats, Jewel on another day of success!!!

5:44 pm
July 4, 2006


smarterone

New Member

posts -1

Jewel, I havent been on this damn computer is acting weird so it is going to a shop soon. I wanted to tell you that I am so proud of you for holding on. I dont care if you drink 2 million pepsis, Keep up the good work.

5:51 pm
July 4, 2006


Bitt

New Member

posts -1

I have heard that journaling is a good thing. Guess I have been lazy, or maybe reluctant to look at my childhood. Mainly because it really wasn't bad! Just very nonemotional. Parents never argued, and neither did I! In a way, journaling is a little scary, and I think might bring up feelings I don't want to deal with. Thank you for suggesting it.
And congrats to Jewell! Happy (and envious) for you!

6:42 pm
July 4, 2006


lollipop3

New Member

posts -1

(((D-dog))))

I'm still here and still rootin' for ya.

Love,
Lolli

9:42 pm
July 4, 2006


DoTheyNetwork

New Member

posts -1

Three Chreers for Jewel !!!

Strong> Some times all I can do is poke alittle fun at my life. I have not had a drink or weed in almost 10 years and it has been about 20 since I have let either get between me and my life. I think my x boss is the major player in the stories of "Back in the day" and I am sure he would love to see me mess up. But it does give me some sort of platform to work with these kids – I would rather treat them the way I wish someone treated me when I was in their shoes. By at least showing some real intrest instead of just trying to play them and then gossiping. Drats to my x boss – his little bit of mischief backfired. No wonder he swears at me if he see's me on the street. He thought he was tricky. LOL

I like those kids-their cute.
Plus there not fooling me I was a little stinker before they were born. :)

Bitt> :) Grab a note book and go for it. One thing I have noticed is that there are those moments that I wished I had jotted down. Positive things to, like when I am at peace and get a moment of clarity that I am very comfortable with and I wished I could save that feeling. Some of the most profound changes in my thinking came about -like a little gaurdian angel came by and went Tink and I thought Wow ! That didnt even hurt ! I do not have to tell anyone and that one small change or exceptance of a truth about my life was right there for me to review and man I am glad I wrote it down because a year or two later I would be moving on to a different level on this journey through life and I would be sitting there reading about what I was thinking or feeling and manytimes I notice that those small – simple – positve thoughts or adjustments I have made in my past are what sent me huddling ahead with great progress and working off those thoughts plus remembering how one little thought made such a difference and still fuels me today.

Many times it is -those plain,simple and mater of fact answers that pop into our heards that can do the most good and if your are like me I just take them for granted and keep looking for some earth shaking answer and the truth is as plain and simple as the nose on my face.

dtn

9:44 pm
July 4, 2006


jewel

New Member

posts -1

I am so excited. It will be 4 months saturday. I give myself a great round of applause. Hang in there bitt and d dog. It is hard, but can be done. When you are ready, it just happens. I am always journaling.

Jewel

2:22 am
July 5, 2006


DoTheyNetwork

New Member

posts -1

Right on Jewel !

D Dog> Go For It ! Jewel is right -"When you are ready, it just happens."

dtn

8:21 am
July 5, 2006


Bitt

New Member

posts -1

I am going to start journaling today. Sounds like a very positive thing. Thanks for your encouragement. I checked this site first thing this morning, and can see waht a blessing it can be for someone like me.
Maybe today will be my independence day! Many thanks to you!


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