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How to turn off feelings for someone?
November 9, 2004
9:02 pm
Teriana
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I have this friend that I have kind of developed feelings for. The problem is, I don't think there is any chance of him reciprocating those feelings because of the type of woman he has talked about wanting/not wanting to date...I have kids, he has never been married, etc.. The problem is, I work in the same office as him & go to the same church..so I can't avoid him. How do I turn off my feelings for him? It causes alot of anguish...as I don't think he's interested in even a closer friendship, let alone a relationship.

November 9, 2004
9:27 pm
princess44
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Hi Teriana: You seem to be realistic about the situation. Don't lose your focus. Our minds were put above our heart for a reason. Try and find someone else to focus this attention to. It takes alot of will power not to like someone but from experience, you are at a different place in life than this man. He has already expressed this to you. Stay away.

November 9, 2004
9:48 pm
Teriana
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I've gone to church functions that are an hour or so away from where I live with him & his dad & another guy off & on...we always have alot of fun..should I just not go anymore in the future...and maybe only have as much contact as I absolutely have to? I can't totally avoid him because of the work situation & the church being very small.

November 9, 2004
9:59 pm
on my way
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I am such a romantic....and I do not believe in accidents, do you, as in some things happen for a reason? You are right, it sounds like you can't avoid the situation very easily. And turning off your feelings is not always easy. Just wait it out. Sometimes things like this just work themselves out, and my thought is that we don't always know the big picture. Can you trust and wait it out for awhile?

November 9, 2004
11:48 pm
happier
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Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't reciprocate, just be nice to him, and direct your energy elsewhere. If you have deep feelings for him, then wanting him to be happy is as important to you as wanting him to be with you. By telling him how you feel, the two of you may beoome closer friends, or more. Either way, you'll be happier knowing that you were honest with yourself.

November 10, 2004
7:37 am
wallace
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I've often found that when you develop feelings for some that deep, it is usually a 2-way thing. I harbored deep feelings for a guy fior 5 years, he never seemed that interested-we were just friends. We have recently become lovers, and he told me that he has had deep feelings for me for 5 years too, he just hid it really well.

November 10, 2004
1:19 pm
kathygy
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The important thing to do is stay focused on what you do want in a relationship, on what kind of relationship you want to have. I assume you want a man that loves you as much as you love him. Why don't you feel that he is interested in a closer friendship? I'm not so sure I would make myself vulnerable to him if he doesn't even want a friendship. You could try making a small overture and see how he responds like asking him to have coffee. If he says no I won't tell him how I feel.

November 10, 2004
9:58 pm
Teriana
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Wow..alot of thoughts to ponder. Thanks for your input..I really appreciate it. We were talking about dating & stuff a little while ago & I said that I didnt really want a serious relationship right now...but a male friend/maybe a little more to hang out with...he didnt offer to hang out w/me...so I assume he isnt interested in a deeper friendship. He has been dating a little but noone seriously. He did mention he's not ready for a relationship w/someone with kids...which I have. I'll just wait it out & try to focus on something else. It's hard...

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