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How do you detach from an addict

UserPost

6:46 pm
August 24, 2007


luvlife

New Member

posts -1

How do you turn away when you know someone is doing cocaine and not say anything. How do you stop from being upset about it> I've been reading up on this but I'm not sure how to turn away. Any advice?

6:48 pm
August 24, 2007


litterbag814

New Member

posts -1

in the process of leaving my alcoholic husband of 15 years, I love him so muhc, it is very painful, but I do realize it is best for me and my kids. Leaving is the best thing for you. We will all be here for you

10:27 pm
August 24, 2007


atalose

Member

posts 18

luvlife,

If I may ask, who is it that is using and how close are you to them?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

11:38 pm
August 24, 2007


smarterone

New Member

posts -1

bless you, its so hard.

11:46 pm
August 24, 2007


fantas

Member

posts 14

attend naranon and or coda meetings and get a sponsor who is available for you. Stay in the present and keep a fact sheet of the reality of living with an addict. Loving the person has nothing to do with it. To love the addict is to not enable him/her in anyway and to practice detachment. Keep posting. All the best to ya!

1:04 pm
August 25, 2007


thedogsmom

New Member

posts -1

still trying to find the answer to this and all i've come up with is..
"slowly..but surely"
I'm doing it in baby steps. First I cut off his cell phone and stopped paying for his insurance (huge and very difficult steps for me).. Then I finally forced him to move out..
then..after letting him spend a few nights in the yard. .garage..and then back in my house.. I changed the locks. (he still has the remote to the garage)… so you see. I am still practicing and have a LONG way to go to be truly 'detached'.

Keep reading, posting and trying. I am learning slowly that all my HELP (money, food, gas, words of encouragement, and love) is NOT helping him make smarter choices.

good luck to you
TDM

1:11 pm
August 25, 2007


_anonymous

Member

posts 8

luv- Realize that this persons drug addiction does not define you it has nothing to do with you. You didnt cause it, so you cant cure it and you cant control it. You can let all calls go to the voice mail. You can tell the person if they show up at your house that you are on your way out the door to go somewhere very important and cant talk. You can let them hit rock bottom by doing just that. The sooner they hit rock bottom the sooner they might get the motivation to quit.

9:51 pm
August 27, 2007


luvlife

New Member

posts -1

Thanks all for the support. He promised he was going to stay off it all week but Monday he's back on it. I feel so stupid for believing him. How do I stop asking him if he's on it. Help

10:12 pm
August 27, 2007


alien

New Member

posts -1

He probably believed what he said at the time he said it. And being an addict myself, i can tell you that it's a good idea to keep asking him. If he doesn't like you asking him it's because he doesn't like lying about it, or he doesn't like telling the sad truth about it either. I've been there a lot. And it helps me to stop using knowing that the questions won't stop til i do. Does that make sense? Sorry if not. Just my 2 cents. When you get sick enough of being treated like an addict, not trusted etc… you become willing to do something about it. There is no dignity in not being trusted. And people really want to be respected and have a little dignity. I think.

11:23 pm
August 27, 2007


atalose

Member

posts 18

Have you looked into attending al-anon or nar-anon meeting for yourself?

Understanding addiction and learning as much as you can about co-dependency will help you understand the best approach for yourself when it comes to someone else's addiction.

You didn't cause someone else's addiction, you can't cure someone else's addiction and you certainly cannot control someone else's addiction.

If your not sure if this person is "on coke" then it doesn't sound like you know this person very well. If this is a new relationship it's time to get out until they resolve their issues.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

7:08 pm
August 28, 2007


luvlife

New Member

posts -1

I've been reading Beyond Codependency and it's been helping me. It brought tears to my eyes realizing what I've been doing all this time. I've found a good job now and that takes my mind of things and also I'm able to pay my bills by myself. I have not tried the Al-anon classes, I'm seeing a therapist that is when I first found out about codependency. If I could just concentrate on my self instead of being upset at his actions, I think I can get the courage to move on. I have 2 kids and I keep thinking about their needs, is this what keeps me here. I'm sick of his family talking BS. I guess he probably blamed me for it all. I know him quiet well, he's my Husband for 21 years, he hides it and now sometimes lies about it. He has the money so he doesn't think about blowing 100 or 200 a weekend. I think I'm going to try the rubber band method to stop getting upset, what do you think? Some days I just feel so betrayed by all of this, he used to be such a good man and I used to be happy !!


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